Aibu to wish my parents were more generous

[Moomoomango]

My parents are very wealthy - retired - own 4 rental properties - including one that we live in (paying rent). I have no idea how much there net worth is but I would guesstimate between 1.5-2 million. They worked hard for it, benefited from investing in property at the right time and I have learnt greatly from them about work ethic and ambition. I admire them.

We are not in any debt - we live within our means, but as with most young families we struggle from time to time. With all the school uniform, shoes, swimming lessons etc we are running a little low and asked if we could pay the rent 3 days late, when our cash flow would be in a better position as I would have been paid. My dad was not very happy at all. I feel awkward and awful. I hate to ask for anything as the response is usually very negative.

My parents will often say how they have so much money they can never spend it all, but will happily sit and listen to me concerned over how I'm going to afford school shoes or my new glasses. I try not to say anything now and keep very quiet about my financial situation.
Aibu to think it would be nice for my parents to be more generous? To be ok with the rent 3 days late (they don't rely on it at all the money just accumulates) or to offer a tenner to help with kids shoes?

They are incredibly tight - often birthday and Christmas presents for the kids are from charity shops.

I don't want to sound like I think they should give me money because I know full well it's there money and I'm a grown woman who can stand on my own feet. I care for my disabled partner and work part time. So we are not exactly high earners!

The way to look at it is they won't (bloody dare) be asking you to help them when they can no longer look after themselves....they will be able to afford private care and you can keep your distance and enjoy your dh and kids. And don't feel guilty that you most def won't be the carer.

Yanbu. Sounds very sad that it is within your parents means to make your life more comfortable yet they choose to not too.

They sound tight as a gnats arse. I can't imagine not helping my kids out if they were struggling to buy necessities. My very wealthy parents would have certainly helped me out if I needed it.

Paying the rent a few days late to your own parents is not an unreasonable ask ffs.

It's just silly really, there'll be a huge iht bill for no reason. If it was your house, rent free, it would make so much more sense.

Their money, their choice - but I wouldn't make the same decisions in their shoes.

I work for rich people and some are pointlessly tight, always paying invoices once they've had a chaser rather than when they get it to keep hold of the non existent interest etc

I would hate this! Unfortunately you do not fit the family script and therefore you are being punished.

In your shoes if be super nice to them just so they don't write you out of the will! That is, if you're even in it to start with

I'd take them up on the offer of school shoes though. DMil buys school shoes for dsil's children as a present.

However, I might be tempted to ask them to take the children shoe shopping rather than reimbursing you because we all know what a joy shoe shopping with dc is .

They do seem tight. When we were growing up my dad didn't have much money but has more than he can spend now despite the many holidays. He's always helping out even though we don't need it desperately he likes to help. Maybe they are trying to prove a point. They should give you discounted rent.

OP you sound like you are coping brilliantly. I would be very resentful in your shoes.

Speaking of shoes though, I agree with a PP - I'd start taking them up on offers of help. I know this goes against the "don't expect anything from them" advice, but personally I'd pointedly accept help because they are clearly missing something and may not know that you need it.

Also agree with another PP about inheritance tax. Not sure how you can broach that one but they are being really negligent if they haven't thought that one through.

I'd get your brother to broach the inheritance tax issue with them.

They offered the shoes as birthday presents FFS!!!

To be honest I'm going against the grain they shouldn't have to subside your lifestyle. There's many parents who struggle to buy uniforms. As for them offering to get the shoes for a birthday present why not my DM got my DS a beautiful coat for nursery. They rent a property out to you I'm guessing you didn't have to put a deposit down for that?

I rent a house to my sister. I charge market rate. It is paid by housing benefit anyway so she wouldn't benefit from a discount. It is a very very nice house though and I keep it well maintained and decorated to her taste, replace all white goods as necessary etc. I've thought I was doing a nice thing.

Dunno, this thread is making me think a bit.

Sorry that your parents are so tight, it will catch up with them , you know. As someone said can't you get your brother to have a word, surely it is bettter for them to see you and your family having no financial problems now, they can't take the money with them. As my dgf used to say " I would rather see you enjoy what I can give you now, not when I am gone, there are no pockets in shroud"!
They are being so unfair and down right unpleasant to charge you rent, I find that sad & ridiculous tbh.

tinkly the sibling relationship is different to a parent/child relationship. You sound like a good landlord.

Tinkly I would think your situation is different, ops parents have 4 mortgage free homes so are profiting handsomely while she struggles to afford the basics. Is that the same for your sister?

I think they're deliberately not helping you because they think it will be a Moral Hazard - you just should've got richer of your own accord. It would be very bad for you to start thinking money just drops into your lap by itself without you having to work for it. Your brother learned that lesson ok, so it's fine for them to give him expensive gifts, you see?

In short, I think they're arseholes tbh. You have DC and a disabled partner and they charge you full rent, and they buy the DC presents from charity shops? Yes, it's their money and they can do what they want with it but I find their behaviour weird and horrible.

TinklyLittleLaugh, if you have a mortgage/mortgages to pay & council taxes etc, then tbh, I think it is ok to charge sister rent, if not then maybe have a wee think about the situation. Would she charge you if roles were reversed? It is one of the most important things in life imho, to have a roof over your head, and it sounds as if you keep the place lovely for her. You are a good sister.

There are a lot of threads on here recently about posters wanting their parents to subsidise them when they are grown up and have a family of their own.

The parents are always millionaires too.

I don't think anyone should ever be borrowing to pay routine living expenses. If you need to pay the rent three days late then either you're not good with money, or your finances are on the brink of disaster. So not someone anyone would be keen to lend money to. I suspect they think that bailing you out will reduce the likelihood of you doing something to get your life/finances into better shape.

I'm going to go against the grain here.

I don't think it's reasonable to make assumptions about how anyone else lives. I'm not sure it is reasonable to hope/expect/want/wish that the OP's parents are more generous actually.

OP must've made some choices about lifestyle somewhere along the way and I don't know that the parents should feel an obligation to compensate the OP for her situation.

My parents treat us once in a while but I NEVER hope or expect them to. It is my responsibility to ensure the kids have school shoes. I would move to a place with lower rent before I expected my parents, no matter how comfortable they are, to contribute to school shoes.

OP, you don't sound like you're in a particularly fortunate situation but it does sound like you might need to review your finances and in the nicest possible way, make sure you can live within your means.

DSis doesn't have a lot of money but she seems to manage okay; has a car (from my parents) goes on holiday etc. We are pretty comfortable. DSis gets much more than me from our parents, which of course is fine, but still makes me feel a bit weird if I'm honest. Perhaps your parents are trying to be "fair" with you and your sibling?

They sound v mean spirited to say the least!

Do they spend time with your dc? Take them to the park/days out/ice cream etc?

I don't think it's reasonable to make assumptions about how anyone else lives.

it does sound like you might need to review your finances and in the nicest possible way, make sure you can live within your means.

Making a few assumptions there I'd say..............

The OP works part time, and is carer to her partner. I'm going to make a wild guess and say there isn't a huge amount of money coming in. Her father making a fuss about a request to pay the rent three days late is just miserly. Absolutely miserly.

Could be seen from 2 angles - 1) they believe they are already subsidising your lifestyle choices by providing your rental home at a discounted rate (not sure if this is the case or not) 2) they have a naive view that everyone has the same ability to accumulate wealth and you are not doing your bit - although an element of them gaining wealth may well have been good luck etc

If it's any consolation I know of several "self made" business type people with similar attitudes so perhaps it goes with the territory? 'My Sil once rented us her "villa" I use that in the loosest sense of the word in the south of France - was in literally the only ugly modern seaside town in all of France - town was dreadful villa was cold and uncomfortable and she charged us the same cost as if we were a normal customer - needless to say didn't go again as never enjoyed it and even if I had I would not be wanting to line her pockets profiting in effect from her own family. She is like you imply your parents are in that she was to a large extent lucky to marry an entrepreneur who created a business she joined and they both benefited from the fact there were plenty of siblings in BIL family who actually run he business. Sil is incredibly tight and thinks everyone other than herself is lazy despite it being her husband who created the business etc I think sometimes success just goes to people's head a bit and some do not acknowledge the luck element of it all

If it irritates you a lot is there anyway of moving out of their property into your own home?