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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think you don't need a boy and a girl to complete a family?

106 replies

TheSconeOfStone · 24/08/2016 19:42

I've got two DDs aged 8 and 5. I have to admit I had assumed that DD2 would be a boy as the majority of friends and family have this combination. I was surprised and a little disappointed a girl. Loved her at first sight with all my heart but felt regret that there would never be a boy (DH was determined to stop at 2 and that was the right decision for our family).

Had to put up with stupid comments about missing out on a son because 'boys love their mums' and 'DH must be disappointed' (no, he totally content with his girls). Family were very 'meh' on announcement of her birth.

Now my little brother and SIL are expecting B/G twins and everyone is delighted of course. My dad has said it's great that they are getting 'a complete family'. WTF are his darling grand daughters then? They are so different to each other. Each family and combination of children is unique.

I know part of the reason I am upset is little brother has always been the golden boy. He is very close to my mum and has more in common with my parents than me. He's even managed to have the correct configuration of offspring on the first attempt!

OP posts:

whirlygirly · 25/08/2016 07:17

I had a friend who was all gloaty when three of us were pregnant at the same time and she produced a boy after having had a girl. She told me it was just like her to have done that as she was always so efficient and organised. (I have two boys).

The other friend then also had a boy after a girl and she stopped speaking to her. She probably deserves a thread of her own for bonkers behaviour but that was just one of the many reasons I cross the street now if I see her.

1Potato2 · 25/08/2016 07:26

Whirly - your ex friend is crazy!

lostlalaloopsy · 25/08/2016 07:30

I had a girl and then a boy so I had lots of comments about a gentleman's family. I then fell pregnant with baby no 3 - people were so shocked as I already had one of each. I got so many negative comments that I already had a "complete" family! People can be rude buggers!!

Sierra259 · 25/08/2016 07:34

I have 2 girls and love it. We wouldn't have minded if DC2 had been a boy but both DH and I had a slight preference for a sibling of the same sex. My DB and SIL are also having a girl in October.

My DSIS is having a boy in January. My mum made a comment the other day about "oh, I think your dad will like that". My parents have been nothing but supportive with my too but it did feel like a bit of a kick in the teeth.

Sierra259 · 25/08/2016 07:34

*my two

MrEBear · 25/08/2016 07:52

Some people are just so rude / ignorant.

4 years of trying for Baby2, we ended up with IVF pregnancy (Pil don't know about IVF). But they know we have been trying a long time. FIL to DH "Well Done" as if getting me pregnant was some sort of trophy. MIL twice has made comments about wanting a GD.
Truthfully DH & I were getting ready to give up so this child will be our last regardless - if it hadn't happened our family would be complete with one DS. Lucky for us (and fingers crossed all continues to go well) our family will be complete with two DC.

Really I neither DH or I could give a toss if its a boy or girl. We just want a healthy happy child. But MIL better not say a blinking word if it is a boy.

imwithspud · 25/08/2016 07:54

YANBU, I have 2 dd's and we couldn't be happier. We've had comments about 'trying for a boy' but we have no intentions of having any more. Even if we did, if the third is a girl, are we then expected to try again? Ridiculous.

BikeRunSki · 25/08/2016 08:05

My sister has a boy then a girl. Safe lived in France and her obstetrician said "C'est la choix des rois" - it's the choice of kings. She was very at the time, particularly since the second baby took a while to conceive. I now have the same combination, and often think how it would have been nice to have 2 the same, I feel they might bond better. Having said that, I am much closer to my brothers than sister.

PeachBellini123 · 25/08/2016 08:21

I'm pregnant with a boy and it's amazed me how many people have commented that my DH must be happy it's a boy. He couldn't have cared less what sex it is! We were just over the moon the baby was happy & healthy.

So no certainly don't think you need one of each or more than one child to have a complete family.

Ankleswingers · 25/08/2016 08:22

Oh YANBU op. This makes me furious. I have two boys and I wouldn't change it for the whole world. They are lovely, kind , beautiful and sweet and they give my husband and I so much joy.

Some people's attitudes are disgusting. I found it awful when DS1 went into reception last year; the smugness of those with only girls or one of each sex, was unbelievable. I remember one Mum asking me if I felt cheated as I had two boys and she has one daughter, and she had got her "princess" ( her words)....

These ignorant twats need to get a life. As long as the child is healthy, who cares what gender.

PeachBellini123 · 25/08/2016 08:34

@Ankleswingers any mum that refers to her daughter as her 'princess' is best avoided in my opinion..she sounds charming and possibly jealous that you have boys? Otherwise why make a comment like that....

ElspethFlashman · 25/08/2016 09:39

Ugh, "my princess" is the absolute worst.

I have to admit sometimes feeling a bit sad that my daughter will never know what it's like to have a sister, and my son will never know what it's like to have a brother. Same gender bonds, particularly with a small age gap, can be soooo close.

In my soppier moments I find myself worrying if DS is going to have a friend close enough to be a bridesmaid. I didn't have to - my sister was always going to be mine. (Yes that is insane, I'm being ridiculous!)

Marynary · 25/08/2016 09:57

I'm really surprised that people get comments. I have two girls and nobody has ever said a thing. It seems very old fashioned to think that you must have a boy and a girl.

formerbabe · 25/08/2016 10:06

I have to admit sometimes feeling a bit sad that my daughter will never know what it's like to have a sister, and my son will never know what it's like to have a brother.

I have one of each and I can completely relate to this... I feel more strongly that I'd like my dd to have a sister as in my experience I think sisters tend to stay close for all their lives whereas I often see brothers drifting apart.

MrEBear · 25/08/2016 14:53

Well sod them and their Princesses - I adore my crazy Prince - never a dull moment.
I really don't care what I land this time. Yes a girl might be nice but I think DS will get on better with another boy. Please God just let it be a happy healthy child its been a hell of a long wait.

QuackDuckQuack · 25/08/2016 18:33

I remember a friend posting on FB that she was really excited to be having her 20 week scan and find out whether they were having 'another princess or a boy'.

I think that part of the problem with people suggesting that your children don't match some preconceived version of a 'perfect family' is that they are effectively suggesting that you might prefer to swap one of your children for a completely unknown one of the opposite sex.

I adore my DDs and feel (as I hope everyone does about their DC) that everyone else is missing out on having my children. I almost never want to swap one .

Advicepls7080 · 25/08/2016 18:53

I'm a lot closer to my brothers than my sisters and my mum is a lot closer to her brothers than her sisters.

My dad was basically best friends with his sister but close to his brothers just not as close.

Its not always same sex siblings are close.

Crazycatladyloz82 · 25/08/2016 19:03

My aunt was disgusted that her firstborn was a girl as apparently you need to have a boy first followed by a girl as that is the correct order. Wtaf. She was jealous of my mother for producing offspring in the 'correct order'. Some people are idiots

QuackDuckQuack · 25/08/2016 19:16

When I was pregnant with DD1, some friends were having their DC1. Neither set of parents knew the sex, but they had discussed it and decided that having a boy then girl was the optimum set up so were hoping for a boy. We now have 2 DDs and they have 3 DDs (though definitely not because they are chasing some dream of having a DS). At the time I thought it was weird to have decided on the best family pattern, as surely the best pattern is what you get, because it's what you've got (assuming you actually manage to have the number of children you want).

Bilboteabaggins · 25/08/2016 19:22

Ive got 2 girls and always thought that was a perfect combo until somebody said it was such a shame we missed out on a boy and that no one will carry on the family name, which makes me a bit sad. I don't know why.

Advicepls7080 · 25/08/2016 19:30

Who's to say your daughter will take their husbands name though? My son has my family surname (even though I have brothers)

Original poster

TheSconeOfStone · 25/08/2016 19:36

Thanks for the mainly sympathetic comments. The poster who suggested I 'give my head a wobble' I've had 6 years to get over the fact that I haven't had a son and it was only because this is seen as the ideal family that I was ever bothered in the first place. I am now well aware that I was wrong and all children are totally unique and the sex is just a small part of that.

And jealous of twins, I think not. A wonderful gift but I struggled with one baby at a time and had nearly 3 years between my two. Hats off to all parents of multiples out there.

OP posts:

Bilboteabaggins · 25/08/2016 19:38

I know more women are keeping their names after marriage but taking their husbands is still the norm. Either way it doesn't really matter as it's just a name but I still felt a bit 🙁 Like I said I don't know why.

MissMargie · 25/08/2016 19:40

If db is golden boy it seems to follow that his DCs are the golden DGCs, so be prepared OP.
My DGCs were not the chosen ones, we lived a distance away and it didn't bother us , in fact the chosen DGC got too much attention imv, keeps himself to himself now he's grown up.

Ffion3107 · 25/08/2016 19:51

What a stupid thing to say!! We have a daughter and are expecting a boy and we keep getting comments like "oh, a perfect family" or "that's good, you won't have to have any more"!!! It's ridiculous!

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