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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think you don't need a boy and a girl to complete a family?

106 replies

TheSconeOfStone · 24/08/2016 19:42

I've got two DDs aged 8 and 5. I have to admit I had assumed that DD2 would be a boy as the majority of friends and family have this combination. I was surprised and a little disappointed a girl. Loved her at first sight with all my heart but felt regret that there would never be a boy (DH was determined to stop at 2 and that was the right decision for our family).

Had to put up with stupid comments about missing out on a son because 'boys love their mums' and 'DH must be disappointed' (no, he totally content with his girls). Family were very 'meh' on announcement of her birth.

Now my little brother and SIL are expecting B/G twins and everyone is delighted of course. My dad has said it's great that they are getting 'a complete family'. WTF are his darling grand daughters then? They are so different to each other. Each family and combination of children is unique.

I know part of the reason I am upset is little brother has always been the golden boy. He is very close to my mum and has more in common with my parents than me. He's even managed to have the correct configuration of offspring on the first attempt!

OP posts:

DoveBlue · 24/08/2016 20:37

I have boy/girl twins and the comment infuriates me. Everyone assumes our family is complete. We have been told by family to sell all our baby stuff and we're not even asked it's just totally assumed and decided we have finished! I feel if we do have another everyone will think it was unplanned (not that its anyone business either way). Everyone from random strangers to our closest family say 'oh you never have to do that again'. I feel your rage OP! I'm not saying we will have anymore but our decision is not decided by the sex of our current children.

Mermaid36 · 24/08/2016 20:39

YANBU!

I recently had identical girl twins. We've had a very rocky 4 months - the girls were born 14 weeks early and have been in hospital for 18 weeks. We've only just got them home (5 days ago) and they are still on oxygen.

We've actually had people ask us when we're going to have another, because surely we'd want a boy and my husband must be disappointed that we've ended up with two girls... facepalm

DoveBlue · 24/08/2016 20:43

Mermaid WTAF!
People seem to lose any filter they had on their mouth when they see twins.
Congrats on getting your amazingly special twins home!

clare2307 · 24/08/2016 20:50

Glad you have your babies home mermaid. We also have 2 girls (7 and almost 1) and have had plenty comments about when we will have another to get a boy. MIL almost begged me to have another to 'carry on the family name'!! Two is fine for us regardless of gender.

Yika · 24/08/2016 20:55

Jeez, can hardly believe these attitudes or comments! Even if someone thought it I can't believe they would say it! I can see of course that a boy-girl combo has a nice symmetry what with a mum and dad (assuming it's a mum-dad family) but who composes their family just so it looks neat?

StealthPolarBear · 24/08/2016 21:00

I am pmsl at " . He's even managed to have the correct configuration of offspring on the first attempt"
Golden boy indeed :o

StealthPolarBear · 24/08/2016 21:00

Was the scan definitely correct?

ISpeakJive · 24/08/2016 21:08

This makes me so mad! I've got two wonderful DD's and I'm expecting DD3. I couldn't be happier! My MIL, on the other hand, was completely disappointed and kept making comments like 'but my son should have a boy. He would've liked a boy'. (DH is as happy as I am).

WhooooAmI24601 · 24/08/2016 21:14

We have two DS' and often have the "are you trying for a girl" from well-meaning friends and relatives, and while I was pregnant with DS2 a few even said "are you sad it's not a girl?" We agreed at the very start that two is perfect regardless of gender and we both still feel that way. Society does not.

Some people see mothers as fair game for rude, intrusive questions and assumptions and it's ok to call them out on it and point out how very rude they're being.

Your family is complete when you feel it's complete; there's no set amount or type you need. Just focus on making your family 'right' and let ignorant buggers take care of themselves.

Needmorechocolate · 24/08/2016 21:15

YANBU. I get these comments all the time (I have 4DC, all boys). We never found out the sex of any of them before birth and when I called my dad to tell him DS4 had been born his first response was "oh, are you disappointed" 😳

Haudyerwheesht · 24/08/2016 21:19

It's a weird mindset but a lot of people have it. When I was expecting dc2 and already had ds everyone said 'oh fingers crossed for a girl' etc and I was because actually I'd have chosen a boy because I thought I knew what I was doing with them!!

As it was we had Dd so boy then girl and loads of people commented on how lucky we are, how it's a gentlemans family etc. Weird.

I am glad I've got to experience each but tbh I'm also quite envious of families with same sex siblings as I assume they'll probably be closer growing up?

EwanWhosearmy · 24/08/2016 21:20

I had one of each and got comments about a pigeon pair (WTF?) and my DPs told me "now you've got one of each you won't need to have any more". They were a bit when we had not one but 2 extra DC

TowerRavenSeven · 24/08/2016 21:21

I have only one ds but I had a co worker tell me that I 'couldn't' just have one! I went into premature menopause at 40 so yes, I could! I definitely feel we are a complete family. People say the dumbest things.

MLGs · 24/08/2016 21:25

I find it weird when I get approving comments about have one of each. It was not something I looked for in life.

Teddy1970 · 24/08/2016 21:25

What utter tosh, does it matter if someone has one of each, two boys or two girls? It angers me that people still think like this, my PIL are exactly the same OP, they think having one of each means a complete family, and yes they did tell me, I was quite abrupt and told them you get what you're given in life, they looked really puzzled when I said I couldn't give a toss what gender the baby was. Just a thought about the twins, a girl at work has got twins and was told at her scan it was one of each..she had twin boys, so errors can happen.

bigfriendlygiant · 24/08/2016 21:35

I'm one of three girls. My dad's had to put with this shit for almost 40 years. I was the biggest tomboy and he always used to say that he had his girly girls and he had his footballer/diy apprentice, if he'd had a boy the boy might have been "girly" too. My grandad had two daughters and six granddaughters. When people used to point this out he'd just say "yes, lucky aren't I".

People are rude. My family was complete with dh and me, we were lucky enough to have ds and we're still just as complete.

Boysnme · 24/08/2016 21:35

I have two boys and even now still get comments about whether I want to have another to get a girl. No thanks. I love my boys and my family is complete! Just ignore the comments if you can and if not say something to them and ask them to stop

MiaowTheCat · 24/08/2016 21:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Teddy1970 · 24/08/2016 21:53

clare2307 I had the "carry on the family name" speech too, I had to remind them that we live in the 21st century now and we're not the Royal family, I think I annoyed them a bit with that comment!

cosytoaster · 24/08/2016 21:54

I'm a single mum with two boys, it really annoys my boys (and me) how adverts always portray families as mum/dad/boy/girl - they noticed this from being quite young. In real life families come in all shapes and sizes. People should keep their idiot opinions to themselves.

LoraLoves · 24/08/2016 22:00

I have two of each gender and they fight like cat and dog somedays. Dd1 enjoys taking the mickey out of Ds1 but adores Ds2 and is fiercely protective of him. Ds1 gives as good as he gets to Dd1 but panders to Dd2's every need . He very recently protected her from another boy for punching Dd1. I was furious but Dd1 was ok by the time all the kids fessed up. So they do work well together in times of need . But they can be troublemakers too. Whichever gender you have and the amount no child should be loved anymore or any less. Of course my kids will have things chucked into disorder when I give birth to this little one!

NataliaOsipova · 24/08/2016 22:02

FWIW, I strongly believe that it is a far easier family setup if you have two of the same gender. Much easier to do things as a family that both will enjoy (given a smallish age gap, obviously), more likely they will enjoy playing the same games, easier for them to tag along with each other's friends etc etc. Onviously this isn't a universal thing by any means, but I think the odds of them "playing nicely" are stacked in your favour with two of the same gender and means you can avoid the "dad takes one, mum takes the other" dynamic which must make it very difficult to do anything as, to use your dad's term, "a complete family".

SparklesandBangs · 24/08/2016 22:08

I only have girls my brother only has boys, we are both happy and feel our families are complete. I have never been asked if I wish I'd had a boy.

MIL has 5 GDs another baby is due soon, it's another girl, her comment, we appear to only do girls! No one is bothered and they will get short shrift if they comment.

booellesmum · 24/08/2016 22:10

I have 2 DDs.
Before I had children I would never have wanted girls. I was a "tomboy" and really didn't think I would cope with girls.
Now I have them I wouldn't change them for the world. I certainly never felt the need for a boy after I had them. In fact when DD2 was born I had an enormous sense of relief that DD1 would be happy as she wanted a sister.
The thing is - before you have children the best your imagination can do is nothing compared to the reality of having a baby that you love so much - regardless of what sex they are.

Headofthehive55 · 24/08/2016 22:14

There is no such thing as one of each. They are all different.

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