Want to keep children away from MIL

[cinnamongreen]

I know I will be ripped to shreds on here but here I go!

To cut a very long story short.....

MIL disrespected us, I was deeply hurt, DH not so much, I want to keep away from her and I want my children to stay away from her, I'd like it if DH felt the same but he doesn't, this also deeply hurts. Now I'm seen as the baddy for protecting my family. Where do we go from here? I do not stop DH seeing/contacting his mother that is his choice. He never did before this anyway it was all me. I feel strongly that I keep my children away from MIL because of her past behaviour which I won't go into but believe me she's a piece of work who is just waiting for something better to come along and will drop you like a hot potato until it all goes wrong and we scrape her back up again.

Oh, all right - good summary LeavemyWings. So why is there a thread now? This all happened 8 months ago.

What's the problem now, OP? What has happened to bring this all up again?

You've posted about this on here and had similar responses. What were you expecting?

Your MIL chose to spend Christmas with her other child. Nothing wrong with that. She tried to spend it with all of you and you didn't want to. In MIL's position I'd have done exactly the same. That isn't disrespectful, it's family life.

And having seen your posts about this I'm not surprised she lied to you. She probably wanted to avoid all this unnecessary drama you've created for everyone. And if I remember rightly it was more of a white lie/stretching the truth/lie by omission wasn't it?

No she probably shouldn't have said anything to your children about their aunty, but given how much you over-reacting to everything else she does its difficult to tell whether you are over-reacting to that too. But even if you're not, it's not the end of the world. Just ask your DH to ask her not to.

As for what you tell your DC, you should have just told them she's spending Christmas with their aunty. That shouldn't upset them unless you're a drama queen about it as it's a perfectly normal thing for he to do.

Honestly OP you are the one being unreasonable not your MIL and your DH is being a saint not to point that out to you. Stop blaming everyone else and get some perspective.

Last Christmas I invited you round
And the very next day you invited my SIL
This year, I'm still in tears
Because I you wanted to see your daughter

MiddleClassProblem - if I recall correctly "the lie" was that the MIL made some patially true but not fully true excuse for not coming for Christmas to the OP's children. I can't remember what it was exactly but something along the lines of that she couldn't travel that distance because she had to take care of/visit a sick/elderly relative. Which she did do, but then also spent the rest of the day with her DD (the SIL ) and her children.

This came out when someone else photographed the MIL at her DD's on Christmas Day and tagged her on facebook. The OP is fuming that her DC could see this this, even though - if I recall correctly - the OP's DC are too young to have facebook accounts.

This "lie" from MIL came after:

1. The OP had gone off on one because MIL had suggested they all spend Christmas together including her DD/OP's SIL.
2. MIL had told the OP (or st least implied) that in that case she would be spending Christmas with her DD/OP's SIL and OP had expressed her displeasure.
3. MIL had mentioned Christmas and the DD/OP's SIL in front of OP's DC and OP had gone off on one for that too.

I can certainly understand why MIL fudged the truth with the kids - she's damned if she does and damned if she doesn't.

Oh my god, its almost September and you are still freaking out about who went where last Xmas?! You really, really need to find something else to occupy your mind with, this is utterly bonkers!

It also reminds me that I'm very glad I emigrated a long long way from family drama like this!

Oh my! What a "liar"!

How dare MIL prioritise repairing her relationship with her daughter over Christmas with her so who she already has a decent relationship with? How dare she decline the offer for both her and all of SIL's family to come for a half day visit with a 4hr round trip thinking it wasn't the better offer? Some people!

Just popping in to see if op is making any sense yet.

looks round

Nope, no sense to be found here (from op anyway)

How dare she decline the offer for both her and all of SIL's family to come for a half day visit with a 4hr round trip thinking it wasn't the better offer?

Oh no MiddleClassProblem you've got that bit wrong (I think!)

MIL did offer to bring herself and DD/OP's SIL and DD's children for the four hour round trip half day visit.

It was the OP who refused this as she wants no contact with the SIL. And she was livid with MIL for suggesting it. Because that horrible evil woman is just awful for casually suggesting a way that both her children could maybe get on.

Sorry just reread. Op offered meeting them half way for a few hours in the morning (presumably bringing mil back with them afterwards rather than let her have the full day with her daughter she was reconnecting with). Where would you meet someone half way for a few hours on Christmas morning? A service station?

This may just be one of those AIBUs where there it's all in the telling and had the OP worded things differently, made herself sound less petulant and spoilt and been much more forthcoming about the specifics of the backstory she might have got more sympathetic and constructive replies.

As it is it's one of those AIBUs instead - the one where the OP sees the way it's going and promptly flounces off in a sulk complaining that we are all a bunch of bitches who refuse to see that she is most definitely in the right.

Even the first line of the OP was 'I know I will be ripped to shreds on here but here I go!'

Deep down she knew she was being out of order before she even asked.

Couldn't agree more leave