Want to keep children away from MIL

[cinnamongreen]

I know I will be ripped to shreds on here but here I go!

To cut a very long story short.....

MIL disrespected us, I was deeply hurt, DH not so much, I want to keep away from her and I want my children to stay away from her, I'd like it if DH felt the same but he doesn't, this also deeply hurts. Now I'm seen as the baddy for protecting my family. Where do we go from here? I do not stop DH seeing/contacting his mother that is his choice. He never did before this anyway it was all me. I feel strongly that I keep my children away from MIL because of her past behaviour which I won't go into but believe me she's a piece of work who is just waiting for something better to come along and will drop you like a hot potato until it all goes wrong and we scrape her back up again.

[LeaveMyWingsBehindMe]

Right, so reading one of your posts gain, it's your sister in law you detest, you think she lied to try to split you up from her brother, yes?

[WeAllHaveWings]

and it sounds like you are wanting to keep your children away from her just to spite her for not doing what you wanted. You don't use your children as a weapon because the only ones that get really hurt are the children.

[user7755]

Well then that's ridiculous!

There's nothing there to suggest that MIL is being awful, more that OP is being pretty selfish - surely there must be something I'm missing?

[NerrSnerr]

It really sounds like you didn't get your way and you're upset. She has spent 12 years with you- even if your sil is toxic maybe she wants to spend time with her grandchildren.

[EttaJ]

Hmmmm. So you're pissed that MIL that has spent MANY Christmasses with you and your DC intends to see her OTHER Grandchildren that she rarely sees!? God forbid that someone doesn't do what you want hey. YABVU and sound very controlling and petty. Poor DC and poor DH!

[Sadmumma]

I had a mother like your mother in law; always playing one off against the other, bitching about family members, trying to control family situations. You can choose who you want to have chez vous for Christmas. If she wants to invite people then let her host it.

Google Narcissistic Personality Disorder and see if she ticks at least 7 of the ten personality traits. Then start reading about it. You will need to stay well clear of this woman or ensure she knows that you will not be putting up with her shenanigans. Toxic is an understatement.

Good luck.

[happypoobum]

You posted about this exact same thing before OP and got 700 possible exaggeration people telling you that you were being utterly ridiculous. Throwing your toys out of your pram because MIL dared to spend Christmas with one of her other children and grandchildren, even though you don't approve of them. How fucking dare she eh? You sound unhinged frankly.

Why are you posting about it again? I feel so sorry for your poor DH.

[WorraLiberty]

Google Narcissistic Personality Disorder and see if she ticks at least 7 of the ten personality traits.

WTAF? Because she wants to spend Christmas with her other grandkids, having spent the last 11 with the OP?

I reckon there'll be a lot of boxes ticked, but mostly by the OP herself.

[JudyCoolibar]

Irrespective of what their mother has done, why should the other grandchildren suffer when your children have had their grandmother there at Christmas for 11 years running?

[cinnamongreen]

I think some of you haven't read everything I've said. I really don't have a problem with who MIL chooses to spend her time with, why would I?!

I do have a problem with her suddenly lying to us and bringing my son into things.

I also have a problem with DH not backing me up but hey what's new!

[user7755]

Worra - I'm so pleased you said that, it's exactly what I was thinking!

[Sirzy]

You really do seem to be making a mountain out of a molehill.

And as for wanting no contact because she chose to spend one day elsewhere - well surely that's cutting off your nose to spite your face. No wonder your dh doesn't agree. He probably thinks your bonkers!

[user7755]

I think we can be forgiven for the confusion as the reason for your anger seems to change each time you post.

The first post, she disrespected you, the second it was because she was going to someone else's house for Christmas, God knows what happened after that!

[WorraLiberty]

Why do you have a problem with your DH not backing you up?

I wouldn't back my DH up either if he was this interfering and controlling.

She's not coming from Christmas. Get over it.

[Ketchuponpizza]

Seriously, I get the protecting your children from toxic sil, and MIL trying to manipulate things for her own agenda. I am in the same situation. Every now and again, I have to clear the air with MIL when she is doing her 'woe is me, my children don't speak' routine. Awful, but it needs to be done. Am sure she calls me worse than shit, but I can live with that.

Its hard for DH though. This is his family, vs his wife. He respects my wishes re: protecting our kids from the toxic one, which is all I can really ask of him. But whatever he choses to do re: contact with toxic family members, is his choice. It isn't a case of backing you up, but more about you respecting his wish to be in contact with his family.

It's a hard pill to swallow, but, seriously, pick your battles.

[maras2]

Hang on.You're moaning that your in laws don't want to come to you for Christmas after God knows how many years of you entertaining them,even though DMIL is a 'piece of work'? OMFG! . Now have a word with yourself.Sheesh!

[MiddleClassProblem]

I don't understand you are mad he's not backing you up. You want NC and he isn't fussed about contact...

[bluebeck]

IIRC the Christmas OP is referring to is last Christmas She is still saying her DC should be NC with MIL because she made up a reason as to why she wasn't coming last Christmas and then spent it with her DC and DGC.

I just can't think why MIL felt she had to lie to you OP - you sound like you would have been so reasonable about it!!! She is probably shit scared of you. Your DH is probably terrified of you too.

[MiddleClassProblem]

So toxic is not the SIL? I'm so confused and OP is drip feeding the shit out of this thread.

Have you been NC since Xmas? Or have you carried on? If the latter the what's the problem?

Just answer some questions!!!!!!

[cinnamongreen]

Thanks for tearing me to shreds, it's like the lions den on here. I think I'd be happy if you could all stop now. I'm stressed enough. Kick a dog whilst it's down. Enough.

[sophiestew]

Cinnamon it might help if you linked to your previous thread about this? Maybe there is more detail in there that would enable posters to see what you are complaining about?

As it stands you do look like the control freak in this.

[LeaveMyWingsBehindMe]

I'll try to summerise if I may, MiddleClassProblem

OPs SIL lied to try to split her and DP up and told nasty lies about their stepdad. For this reason OP hates her guts and wants nothing to do with her, DP doesn't much care for his sister either although I suspect he has no choice in that and MIL has been pretty much estranged from her difficult DD for eight years.

MIL did have a good relationship with the OP until she decided to work on the relationship with her daughter. she asked if they could all have a family Christmas together last year and OP and her DP said no way.

MIL said well in that case I am going to spend it with them as you are two hours away and I can't see both sets of kids and grandkids in one day so I am going to spend it with them for the first time in 11 years.

OP throws a fit and says but you ALWAYS spend Christmas with us, how dare you and how could you do this to me when you know how much I loathe your daughter?

MIL says sorry, tough, I'm going. If you want to see me this year then invite us all.

She made the mistake of saying to her grandkids 'you'd like to see your cousins at Christmas wouldn't you?

OP hits the roof. MIL then tells grandkids she won't be there for Xmas and gives a reason that the OP considers to be dishonest or a flimsy excuse.

That was last Christmas. She has cut her MIL out of her life since then, for going against her orders and won't let her see the children and is miffed that her DP still insists on speaking to his mother instead of side with her.

And here we are.

[QuiteLikely5]

That's a great summary! You should be MN resident summary writer

[MiddleClassProblem]

So the lie was what mil told DC not op? (Great job btw)

[Memoires]

This only makes sense if it's next Xmas, otherwise why bother starting a thread like this?

So MIL, who has been either nc or lc with her daughter for some time and therefore hasn't seen her ddd's children for some time, has now made some sort of peace with her, and wants to include her with the rest of her family - son and his wife and kids.

She usually spends Xmas with her son (op's dh) and has asked if her dd and family can too.

OP has no contact with sil & family because nearly 10 years ago, sil tried to split her and dh up, told lies and defamed her own father.

Well, I can see why you wouldn't want her staying with you as well as mil. They are pretty much strangers, and you have no reason to trust them.

Why you're making a fuss about it all is beyond me. You just tell your kids that grandma is seeing her other gcs, and that's it. You can do that easily no matter what your mil tries to do or say.

Meanwhile, why has mil suddenly started seeing the Toxic Ones now? What has happened? Have they been reconciled, has sil stopped lying or was that all a misunderstanding? Has she seen the error of her ways?