To be really angry with my mum for kissing our newborn

[freakedoutlady]

Baby is just over 2 weeks. My DD developed a coldsore a day or two before he was born. Midwife and GP warned us to be very careful of him catching it from her as it can be fatal as apparently newborns are very vulnerable to this virus until they are over 6 weeks. Queue an week and more of anti viral handwash and lots of supervision. We were also told and googled that apparently people shed tge virus all the time so no one apart from mum and dad should be kissing baby to minimise the risk. I had no idea but heeded this info and told my mum amongst other peoplw not to kiss him until older...

Vent alert: My mum constantly causes dramas with me and offers no help or support. Despite living 5 minutes walk away and being retired she has never once looked after my other kids, cooked a meal, helped in ANY way since I had the baby and before. I don't expect her to as she's always been this way. My partner works away and so I'm on my own. She let herself in at 9pm last night wanting to cuddle baby. Got very sarcastic and rude about not kissing him. Did the same tonight and kissed him defiantly and was incredibly rude and sarcastic when I asked her why she had gone against my wishes! She then helped herself to some food off my daughters dinner plate, by hand, without asking my daughter and left the house as cool as anything saying "don't worry, I wont kiss any of you goodbye " and left.

I'm so upset.

AIBU at least for the kiss?

Congratulations. Does she have a key? If so, take it back. If not, lock the door. You don't need her, her defiance or sarcasm.

Keep your door locked until she apologises. Shocking behaviour - she has blatantly took the p and upset you. I wouldn't be in a hurry having her over again.

YANBU. congratulations on your lovely new baby. Your mum is being horrid and you are right to want to keep your baby as safe as possible.

Yanbu! I would be livid

I'd change the lock first thing in the morning!! Then close curtains and ignore the door tomorrow evening.

Lock the door and keep the key in so she can't let herself in

Pretty shabby behaviour from her, I would be upset and frankly not wanting to see her

YAatinybitU over believing only mummy and daddy can kiss a newborn, unless they are very prem or otherwise immunocompromised (yours is not, i hope!) . Babies do have great immunity from newborn, from you, esp if bf. Plus, exposure to a variety of stuff (kisses, being held) will strengthen immune system.

However. It is your newborn, and so if you wanted to make every visitor sing a song to the baby, or talk only in French, that's entirely up to you.

YADNBU about your dm, any of it. She sounds like a royal pita trying person.

If she has a key take it back. Tell her why.

If she has to knock, don't open the door to her. Tell her why.

"Mum! You can feel as sorry for yourself as much as you like but when you ignore hospital advice and make sarcastic remarks in font of the kids you make me really angry."

Or

"You know exactly why the hospital gave that advice. Your feelings are no more important than mine. In short - Grow up!"

At 9pm? She can FRO until she learns some respect. Get the key back.

YANBU. She sounds a nightmare.

Yanbu, I was reading about an awful sorry about the impact of a the coldsore virus on a newborn the other day. Your approach is exactly right and your mum sounds like a nightmare!

Yanbu. Cold sores absolutely awful take the key back!

Fastwindow perhaps you'd like to do a bit of reading on the dangers of cold sores and newborns?
Or maybe just read what OP said about the GP and midwives advice?

You are right to be cautious. Take her key back and keep her away for a while.

Take her key back and keep her away for a while good.

FastWindow

Slightly misplaced sarcasm there, wouldn't you say?

You did read the OP. Didn't you?

Thanks ladies.

I'm locking the door tomorrow night. She's utterly blown my mood. I've just sat here feeling cross and upset cuddling my sleeping baby rather than put him down and get organised for tomorrow. I think it's a power thing with her.

That's really reassuring Fast Window. I know the chances are low, but it's so disrespectful - specifically at me.

She cooks tea for my ex at his house when he has the kids and invites him and the kids around for dinner and does his garden.

In the 6 years I've lived here, she's never once done that for me.

Thankfully my ex is lovely and we have a good relationship but if he wasn't It would be a bit threatening as well as just upsetting. :(.

Never going to be like that when and if I become a granny.

Letting herself in at 9 pm isn't ok. I agree you need to take your key back.

I had no idea that only a newborn's parents should kiss them. But if that is the recommended advice regarding Herpes virus then that's what should be done.

To stomp out in such a childish manner, taking food off your dd's plate and saying no one would be getting any kisses, is just plain childish and drama llamish.

I would be fucking livid and she would be told to FRO.

I honestly would not be speaking to her for a while.

Get the key back ASAP.

If she won't (and it sounds like she won't) either change your locks, or keep door locked with another key in the back.

YANBU

Your baby, your rules, no negotiation required.

My DP suffers terribly with monthly cold sores. I was very paranoid for the first year. So much so his GP prescribed acyclovir tablets to prevent them coming on.

I was less concerned about people kidding my baby than you are, but that's irrelevant since this is your baby, so people need to respect your wishes, regardless of their own urges to slobber all over your baby's face.

Kidding = kissing

I'm confused, does your mother have a cold sore? I thought it was your DD.

I have never heard from a HCP to prevent all people kissing a newborn, except parents.

For anyone who feels like educating themselves instead of being rude to the OP

I'm confused - who is being rude to the OP? apart from her mother