"Oh I didn't have you down as a mum of girls"

[OohMavis]

So this has been said to me a couple of times now, and I am confused. I promise that the next time someone says it I'll ask what they mean, but for now, mumsnet thread!

AIBU in thinking that there's no sort of marker for a mother of boys or girls? What does a mother of girls act/dress/speak like? How am I falling so short as to be unbelievable?!

Maybe it's the fact I have a 6yo DS too. Maybe he's polluted my 'mum of girls' vibe

What do they MEAN?

I always get, I can't believe you have kids, or I didn't imagine you were a parent. Very rare anyone utters the word mum, that must just be stretching their imagination too far.

No idea why, except people are weird.

DS has many faults. But he was never responsible for me leaving the house wearing stickers
I don't get this. I was on a plane with DS and our seat mate told me "oh girls love stickers". DS has many times stickered me, including before work. What's wrong with him? Will his willy drop off?

I'm a mum of both, get my nails done but wear hiking kit, I'm a Guide leader. I'm very pleased my DS at least is following in my outdoorsy footsteps and I'm sure DD will enjoy at least some of it. DS would have nail varnish if I could find kid friendly non-pink (Claire's has it for ££££). DD is PT and was bemused by DS and I offering her stickers (but she is quite young).

Oh and my experience of being a Guider means no glitter ever in this house.

Tell them 'no! My name is khaleesi, an I am the mother of dragons!!!' Because that is a silly as the original comment!!!

Ooh yes and heaven forbid you put a girl in a blue sling. I'm surprised I've not been told I shouldn't wear denim when carrying a girl baby.

Maybe not, MrsMargeSimpson, but you get the equivalent who talks about how it's better to have boys because they are straightforward and loving and not catty bitches like girls are. And also about how great it is to have a boy because they like to get muddy, climb trees and tell fart jokes.

I have one of each, and they both like mud, sticks, tree climbing, glitter, My Little Pony, cooking and sit quietly and complain about the naughty boisterous children. The main difference between their interests is that DD is more musical while DS prefers cooking and science, and DD is more scared of physical mishaps whereas DS is more frightened of spooky things. I don't think either of those are down to gender.

"It exists, even if you don't like to admit and/or label it. You don't see mums of only boys judging mums of girls when they 'just sit nicely colouring' anywhere near as often."

I think you'd find the mums who "judge" boys for playing boisterously, would also judge girls for playing boisterously - probably more so.

Honestly I feel like I've gone back to the 1950's. Are boys not allowed to sit down and colour nicely?

This SMOG MOB stuff, is just feeding into gender stereotyping of children and extending the stereotypes to their mothers.

Again, why is there no sneery acronym for fathers of boys/ fathers of girls?

Jasper that's very true. I also get sly implications i must find DD 'dull' compared to my 'lively boys'

They clearly do not DD

Do you wear hiking boots, brown or navy trousers/cords and standard fitting t-shirt and carry a rucksack rather than a handbag

I look like this a lot. No one has ever told me I look like a mum of boys (maybe because I have a girl and a boy).

My friends did laugh when I told them dc1 was a girl. All of them offered to help my pick clothes for her - clearly I wasn't capable of dressing a girl.
Once dd hit 3 she started picking her own clothes (a sea of pink). So they need not have worried

How ridiculous to stereotype mums in this way.
As the parent of girls and boys (MOGAB ), should I be dressed in 'outdoorsy' clothes ready for adventure or channeling my inner Barbara Cartland?

Next time, reply; "Ha ha, I didn't have you down as a twat."

That is a great reply

Some of you may not like the term
'SMOG' however the behaviour of some women who only have girls is vile towards mums of boys - and the boys themselves. It exists, even if you don't like to admit and/or label it.

One of my friends from DS's playgroup is a mum of girls and is absolutely lovely. Another mum there who is also friends with her is also a mum of girls and seems to be quite cold with me and speaks to friends' girls but not DS. You've got me wondering now....

She probably feels a bit awkward around boys. No need to feel awkward... they're boys not aliens

And MeAnd's post shows precisely why those sort of bullshit phrases are harmful. It's just yet another mum vs mum thing.

My boy is an alien speak for yourself MeAnd. 😁

At what point does a MoG who dislikes the way that some parents excuse aggressive and antisocial behaviour in their sons with 'boys will be boys' become a SMoG who can't deal with a bit of playful, 'boisterous', 'rough and tumble'?

I look like a mum of children.

My outfit is whatever is cleanest and allows me to bolt after the 2yo making a break for it, tends to be some sort of legging/jegging so my speed is not hampered by the waist band sag of jeans around my pregnancy destroyed tummy.

The top tends to be c. 2010 which was the last time shopping was actually enjoyable, without having to play "hunt the 4yo" in the racks while assuring security the 6yo wouldn't actually take home the sparkly shoes even if I refused to pay for them.

The hair is styled in the classic "started well but then got yanked into a band out of the way" look, with roots showing dependent on how many missed hair appointments there have been due to the germ filled hell hole that is nursery.

Occasionally I accessorise with yoghurt/stickers/dribble or rapidly discarded "I HAVE to take them with me" toys.

Makeup tends to be absent or smudged, but I run a fine line in coloured lilac eye bags and the occasional bruise from enthusiastic toddler headbutt-kiss combo.

I thought that was fairly standard, I'm not sure if I should wear a pink hat to point out those destructive adorable monsters are female?

This is a really bizarre thing to say. I am a mum of 2 DD's. I wear the mum uniform of jeans and a t-shirt and have never had these comments.

I do have a friend who has two boys and tells me she 'doesn't do girls' as she only knows boys.

My DD1 is obsessed with avengers and 1970's Hulk TV shows. She also wears a princess elsa outfit while wrestling with her Dad.

People are weird.

user 😂 wellll...

Hobnails, yes a pink hat would pull your look together. I'm thinking wide brimmed with flowers or maybe a fascinator?

Completely different but I love went to a party were a guy watched me intently as I smoked a fag, then said, are you sure you actually smoke? You don't look like a natural smoker at all. Is that your first fag? Fucking weird as I had been smoking for years. He made me feel really self conscious haha

I'm a kids will be kids person but I have had friends with girls and seen their bar is much higher than mine, probably reflecting how little girls are allowed to experiment with risks and boundaries in play. So, I don't tolerate any violence or name-calling or meanness from my boys, but I won't be found telling them to stop climbing because it will scuff their shoes and I don't sit there giving them a running commentary on how they need to do everything e.g. come away from there, don't touch that, sit there, move back, sit straighter, lower your voice (unless it's really loud).

I know this doesn't apply to everyone but I do find some MoGs unbearably helicoptery in their policing of very young girl's behaviour.. it feels really endless, and I think reflects how very real the pressure is on girls to be "nice". I don't do it as much with my boys and that's "allowed" - but the real problem won't be solved by making my boys hypervigilant to the perspectives of others, no matter how unreasonable. It would be better if all kids were allowed more laxity if they are not actually harming anyone or anything.

hobnails that's exactly how I look but with 2 ds - hmm I obviously also need to define the look 'boy wise' !! Maybe a penis hat??
Currently having ds3 and lots of people have said 'I bet you really wanted a girl but I can't imagine you with one' ? Which is very strange as my 2 ds are different and a third whether boy or girl will be too and I think I could just about manage with a girl being one myself!!!
drspouse have a look at little ondine they have non smelly peel able nail varnish in loads of colours - I wear it when I have a moment!!

'SMOG' however the behaviour of some women who only have girls is vile towards mums of boys - and the boys themselves. It exists, even if you don't like to admit and/or label it.

I agree...seen it plenty of times. Mothers with cats bum faces looking at boys running round whilst their daughters sit quietly.

I am quite a girly girl (hate that term by the way)...I have an older ds and a dd....when I was expecting my dd, lots of people told me they thought I'd have another boy as apparently I looked like I'd be a mother of boys...as because I was quite feminine I'd need lots of men in my family to protect me...

Some people say stupid sexist things. That's mums of girls AND mums of boys.
To use terms such as SMOGs is equally stupid.

Mermaid Did you stick the cigarette up your nose and inhale? Classic rookie smoker mistake.