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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think it's normal and polite to offer servicemen a drink?

180 replies

NeedACleverNN · 20/08/2016 19:50

We had the gas man round yesterday to do a boiler check. I offered him a drink and he gratefully accepted a coffee.

Dh saw the cup on the drying rack and asked if had guests round. Told him no it was the gasman and he looked confused.

I've always thought you offer them a drink. He thinks they are there to do a job and that drinks are not part of it

Yes? No?

OP posts:
GrumpyOldBag · 21/08/2016 09:04

While I always offer tea/coffee I expect it to be drunk while they are working (as I do) not to stop & chat while they drink it.

Unless they are working for a long time in the house when they would normally take a tea break anyway.

meowli · 21/08/2016 09:16

I'd feel totally awkward just watching them drink their tea.

I just give them their tea and leave them to it! Wouldn't dream of staying around to watch them - working or drinking tea. I agree it would make me feel v. awkward, unless I knew them quite well.

I do automatically offer tea/coffee whenever we have someone in to do work, as a kind of 'ice-breaker', I suppose.

FeckinCrutches · 21/08/2016 09:19

Why on earth would you watch them drink their tea? Confused

originalmavis · 21/08/2016 09:21

Mine get biscuits too. Even the offer of a sandwich if they are there ages.

spidey66 · 21/08/2016 09:26

YANBU but....woebetide if he asked to use the loo. In the parallel universe of MN tradesmen are not allowed to use the loo in someone's house.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 21/08/2016 09:28

Dh is a plumber.

He was on one job recently where he wasn't offered a hot drink all day despite the homeowner making himself numerous cups all day.

It pisses tradesmen off no end, the ones we know anyway.

LittleBearPad · 21/08/2016 09:30

Always offer tea/coffee/cold drink even if they'll only be around a short time.

Just make it and take it to wherever they are and leave them to it. Offer again a while later.

When we have our extension done, I'll mainly be at work so I'll put mugs/tea/coffee/sugar/squash by thr kettle and tell them to help themselves to milk as needed. Easy.

Hoppinggreen · 21/08/2016 09:32

I had a couple of men deliver a new dishwasher once, they were supposed to install it but because the old one had been installed wrong they couldn't as they had to mess with electrics which they weren't allowed to.
2 caramel lattes and a couple of Jaffa cakes later I had a fully fitted and working dishwasher!!!!

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 21/08/2016 09:35

We always offer tea/ coffee and depending on what work is being done and how long the tradesmen are here, biscuits or cake too. We recently had the front drive done, there were four chaps here Monday to Friday and we gave them regular drinks throughout the day tea/ coffee/ squash with cake or biscuits. A friend of mine even offers bacon sandwiches to workmen - I don't go that far.

Brokenbiscuit · 21/08/2016 09:47

Completely normal.

My mum and dad have special mugs reserved for workmen. HmmGrin

AppleSetsSail · 21/08/2016 10:11

You don't need to watch them drink it, they take it along with them to do their work just like anyone else would.

It's just a basic courtesy.

treaclesoda · 21/08/2016 10:22

Ah, but I do offer tea, if I am having one myself. And then they always stop what they are doing to drink it. Which is also fine. None of them have ever just taken a mug of tea and carried on what they are doing. Ever. That is why I would find it awkward. And because I find it really really rude for someone to offer a cup of tea when they aren't drinking one themselves. In my world, and family and upbringing, that would be the height of rudeness.

I tell them that they can make themselves a cup of tea if they want one though - there is the kettle, there are the tea bags, help yourself. I would never refuse someone a drink if they wanted one.

AppleSetsSail · 21/08/2016 10:51

And because I find it really really rude for someone to offer a cup of tea when they aren't drinking one themselves. In my world, and family and upbringing, that would be the height of rudeness.

I can't wrap my head around this. If a friend comes by, you don't offer tea (or whatever) unless you plan to drink it as well?

What if you've had too much tea and they'd really like a cup?

treaclesoda · 21/08/2016 11:05

Confused No, I don't offer tea unless I'd be drinking it too. Because I think it's really rude to 'watch' someone eat or drink if you're not eating or drinking yourself. I equally can't get my head round the idea of offering tea to someone if you're not joining them Grin

treaclesoda · 21/08/2016 11:07

Because if I offer but then say I'm not having any myself then they feel obliged to say no thank you and it all seems to be a passive aggressive 'I'm offering you tea, but I expect you to decline' dance. So it feels much politer to not offer at all.

Original poster
NeedACleverNN · 21/08/2016 11:08

I've always offered guests a drink even if I don't want one.

You don't sit there watching them drink. You carry on talking as normal. They just take a mouthful every so often

OP posts:
treaclesoda · 21/08/2016 11:11

See, I was brought up with the rule that you must always decline the offer of a drink unless the host expressly mentions that they are having one too. All my guests appear to follow the same rules - they will always decline until I say I'm having one myself then they magically say 'oh, go on them'.

treaclesoda · 21/08/2016 11:13

And if they still decline then I wouldn't have one either, because I wouldn't want them to feel awkward.

Original poster
NeedACleverNN · 21/08/2016 11:14

Different rules for different places I guess.

Around here you would be dirt if you didn't offer a drink. Even if you don't want one yourself

OP posts:
AppleSetsSail · 21/08/2016 11:17

I've never heard of this rule. Is it a regional thing? I think it could reasonably apply to food, but tea is essentially free and hardly an imposition.

I've taught my children that it's rude to not offer a guest a drink within a few minutes of walking in the door, it's something I feel pretty strongly about.

HelloCanYouHearMe · 21/08/2016 11:19

My first thought was "Wow! Need buys drinks for soldiers... "

I always offer tea, coffee, biscuits, the occassional bacon butty to visiting tradesmen - i think the sweeter you keep them, you have more chance of them doing you a favour (no innuendo....)

MrsMook · 21/08/2016 11:19

YANBU, but I'm pretty rubbish at offering. I don't like tea or coffee so it's not a habit to think about it. We also don't have cows milk in the house and the substitute we have apparently tastes a bit odd, like cereal when in hot drinks. We do have tea bags and coffee in, but I do have to check the dates each year. We do most of the DIY ourselves so I'm really not practised at it at all!

I was caught by surprise recently when cold called for a water meter change which should have been a quick job, but wasn't as simple as it should have been. The chap asked for a drink and got offered a dodgy tea of coffee with explanation and alternatives. He accepted an experimental tea with milk, and took a back up choice of fruit tea.

Friends know where everything is and either prefer their drinks black or other options that we have anyway.

treaclesoda · 21/08/2016 11:20

I don't know if it's regional. I just do what everyone else does, what my family do etc. We're not ogres with no manners, we just adhere to what is the norm. And it sounds like the norm for us is different to the norm for others.

isittimeforcoffee · 21/08/2016 11:32

We always offer anyone who steps foot in te house for more than about 3 mins a cuppa. We probably have two cuppas or coffees every hour anyway - kettle is always on in this house! Last year we had our road resurfaced and we made cups of tea for the whole team...pretty much one an hour for about 6 of them. They really appreciated it, and they let the kids have a sit in the JCB and gave them a hard hat each, so it was worth it just for that.

Hoppinggreen · 21/08/2016 11:34

apple here in Yorkshire anyone setting foot through the door is offered a cuppa

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