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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mocking Hearing Inpaired

417 replies

ShockMe · 20/08/2016 19:47

To be quite shocked that after a member of the public had posted that they had found a hearing aid and hoped to re-unite it with it's owner.. Our local school's SEN teacher commented 'Pardon?'

OP posts:
sashh · 22/08/2016 13:00

My point Bitchy was for NeedACleverNN who seems to ignore all the other posts explaining deaf/Deaf - I thought a couple of dictionary definitions of the difference might help.

NeedAnotherGlass · 22/08/2016 13:07

The term "Deaf" as being different from "deaf" is utter bullshit.

It has to be one of the most misleading and unhelpful terms I have ever come across.

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 22/08/2016 13:18

My point Bitchy was for NeedACleverNN who seems to ignore all the other posts explaining deaf/Deaf - I thought a couple of dictionary definitions of the difference might help.

Ok, mea culpa. Smile It wasn't clear who it was for.

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 22/08/2016 13:19

The term "Deaf" as being different from "deaf" is utter bullshit.

It has to be one of the most misleading and unhelpful terms I have ever come across.

Do you have a suggestion for an alternative?

sashh · 22/08/2016 13:19

NP bitchy

NeedAnotherGlass What term would you like to assign to people who self define as Deaf, use sign language(s) and are part of the Deaf community?

RhodaBorrocks · 22/08/2016 13:21

No NeedAnotherGlass it is extremely useful. My dad and I are deaf and use hearing aids. My ex DSIL is Deaf and now has cochlear implants.

And for what it's worth, we've all made the 'pardon' joke too. My ExDP used to wind me and ExSIL up by mumbling incoherently when we didn't have our aids in. It was all taken in good humour.

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 22/08/2016 13:29

My ex DSIL is Deaf and now has cochlear implants.

And there's a topic for a whole different debate ...Grin

candykane25 · 22/08/2016 13:34

chipped I have been turned down for CI despite fitting the criteria because I can lip read well (I am registered blind)
I've been to audiology today and they needed to print a letter for me. Please can it be in large print I said.
No I don't know how to do it came the reply. Computer says no.
In real life just because something should happen, doesn't mean it does happen.
That frustration is part and oarc of having a disability.
Identifying with a disability is not the same.

candykane25 · 22/08/2016 13:44

Need yes about the telephone.
I don't use the telephone.
I text and email (and post on here) with adaptive technology but the telephone beats me.
I worked y Tim last yeR using BT Typetalk but that was extremely difficult. There are many limitations to Typetalk.
When I needed ring a call centre I need another person in the room - I can't even get past the menu.
Then frequently they will say due to data protection etc my husband/mother/friend can't speak in my behalf without my permission, I will verbally give permission but they will say no we need it in writing.
I'll write to them (with difficulty) to give my permission. We ring back and they say they have no record of it. No luxury of sorting out an issue in a few minutes for me.
Being deaf is shit.

Chippednailvarnishing · 22/08/2016 14:07

I have no experience of adult CI Candy, but I know there used to be a big difference in criteria between hospitals fitting CI for children.
If it's something you want please go back or demand to go to a different hospital (I know it's geographically hard). Is your GP sympathetic? I just don't feel you have been treated fairly if you reached the criteria...

candykane25 · 22/08/2016 14:12

Thanks for your support chipped.

The thing is I only have the energy for so many battles.

This year I've just got my first guide dog who is also trained by hearing dogs too, she's awesome.

However the training to work with an assistance dog has been very intensive and time consuming.

I also have a three year daughter.

I'm knackered all the time from the concentration ,

I have fought as hard as I can to fight against their decision but I can only do so much.

Do although well meaning, to urge me to go on fighting agai st constant resistance, I actually can't be arsed.

Chippednailvarnishing · 22/08/2016 14:29

I completely get that and I don't want to patronise you, but please reconsider when your DD starts school and you have some time to yourself.

Whilst I know CIs aren't miracle ears, I do think they are worth the fight.

candykane25 · 22/08/2016 14:33

Thanks chipped.

It's so upsetting really. i asked for help and they said no. And I think they are wrong too.

RhodaBorrocks · 22/08/2016 14:35

And doesn't she know it, Bitchy! Sadly she was brought up in the generation that tried to stop the Deaf using BSL. EXMIL felt very strongly about it (even disapproved of my teaching DS baby sign) and sent her to a school that forced lipreading and speaking, so ExSIL never really fully integrated in the Deaf community until she was older, then got flak for getting CIs even though her BSL is poor at best. :(

Chippednailvarnishing · 22/08/2016 14:37

Take a step back for now and then re-address it.

You have no idea how fucked off I am for you. Flowers

NeedAnotherGlass · 22/08/2016 14:45

My dad and I are deaf and use hearing aids. My ex DSIL is Deaf and now has cochlear implants.
It's unhelpful because it requires so much explanation as to not make sense to most people who come across it.
I don't understand how you and your dad can be deaf (in the medical sense) but your ex DSIL is Deaf (so member of the deaf community but not medically deaf) yet has cochlear implants. Is she disabled or not? I don't know enough about cochlear implant to know if it's a cure or a best fix but still leaves the person disabled.

The hearing world can't even tell the difference between the two terms so people are never going to understand it. If someone says to me "I am Deaf", I'm doing to assume that they can't hear, when that clearly isn't the case. My screenreader doesn't explain the difference to me, I just hear the word 'deaf' Grin

NeedAnotherGlass What term would you like to assign to people who self define as Deaf, use sign language(s) and are part of the Deaf community?
A better description would be a hearing member of the deaf community.
Self-defining as D/deaf is a nonsense. They use sign language as a way of communicating with people who are actually deaf. When they are not with deaf people, they are able to communicate by listening and speaking in the typical way. They are not disabled. Even when they are with deaf people, all communicating in sign language, they can still hear.

candykane25 · 22/08/2016 14:51

Aw thanks Chipped. Actually just realising someone else can see the impact is rather Cathartic for me to thank you Flowers

candykane25 · 22/08/2016 14:58

I totally agree with Need about the Deaf/dad thing.
The Deaf community exclude non BSL using deaf people.

Why create barriers?

BSL user and non BSL user would be more apt.

Are there any other disabilities that do this? Such Wheelchair User (capital W) and wheelchair user (small w) or Blind (big B and blind (small b).

It's not helpful to have exclusive communities like this.

Deaf is deaf. (I am Profoundly deaf).

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 22/08/2016 14:58

better description would be a hearing member of the deaf community.
Self-defining as D/deaf is a nonsense.

I think very few people believe that hearing people self identifying as Deaf is a legitimate description.

But where do you stand on deaf people self identifying as Deaf?

Chippednailvarnishing · 22/08/2016 14:59

It's unacceptable candy don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise.

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 22/08/2016 15:02

The Deaf community exclude non BSL using deaf people.

How do you suggest deaf BSL users communicate with non signing deaf?

Its one thing if the non signers are willing to learn to sign, but if they're not, why would they want to be part of the Deaf community? Confused

It would be like me going to live in a small monolingual tribe deep in the rain forest, refusing to learn their language, and then complaining about being "excluded".

candykane25 · 22/08/2016 15:03

I'll answer your question bitchy.

As a profoundly deaf person I think (and I may well be wrong) that identifying as Deaf is isolating and limiting. But if it helps a person to deal with their disability and life to identify as Deaf, then it's none of my business.

As a deaf person I actually find the least welcoming members of society are Deaf people. I am dismissed.

But I wouldn't say they couldn't identity as Deaf - it's nothing to do with me.

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 22/08/2016 15:07

As a deaf person I actually find the least welcoming members of society are Deaf people. I am dismissed.

But do you sign?

I'm hearing. I sign to level 6. I'm not a Coda, I didn't grow up around deafness, therefore I could never enter the "inner sanctum" of Deafhood.

Neverthless, when Deaf people find out I'm a decent signer, they are very engaging, friendly, personable etc. Before I could sign, there was little or no interaction and they went through interpreters to communicate.

Chippednailvarnishing · 22/08/2016 15:09

very how would learning BSL help candy given her eyesight?

candykane25 · 22/08/2016 15:10

Hang on bitchy. I'm 42. I've had a lifetime of meeting BSL and non BSL users.
I've never said I'm not willing to learn. I've said upthread it'd be brilliant if BSL was on the national curriculum.
There are other (imperfect) ways to communicate. I'm not saying they are easy. It's a mutual thing, team work.
Here's one for you. I'm actually deafblind. So BSL isn't appropriate as I can't see all of the movements. I use deafblind manual. So is the BSL user going to learn deafblind manual to communicate with me?

My experience is that I am shunned as a deaf non BSL user.