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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Mocking Hearing Inpaired

417 replies

ShockMe · 20/08/2016 19:47

To be quite shocked that after a member of the public had posted that they had found a hearing aid and hoped to re-unite it with it's owner.. Our local school's SEN teacher commented 'Pardon?'

OP posts:
FrancisCrawford · 21/08/2016 23:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MargotLovedTom · 21/08/2016 23:44

She certainly is, ShockMe!
I hope the SEN teacher sees sense.

ShockMe · 21/08/2016 23:49

The worst of it is user they are our friends and neighbours.

OP posts:
ShockMe · 21/08/2016 23:51

The worst of it is user they are our friends and neighbours. I know people paste provocative bullshit on things like FB but it a a village/community page where we are supposed to be all inclusive and I have not seen such shit on there before. It feels like my village is full of wankers strangers

OP posts:
ThisUsernameIsAvailable · 21/08/2016 23:54

My 5 year old has hearing loss in his left ear and he winds me up with this joke all the time

ShockMe · 21/08/2016 23:56

Chipped - she could have just said 'sorry, didn't mean any offence' and job done. Well we'd still have her number but it would have made some better feeling all round. Instead she has liked the various comments people have made (so is clearly reading it) One person already declared they were leaving the group as so appalled by the insensitivity being shown (has a child with hearing difficulties) Nada. Not a fucking thing, just the 'we have the right to have a laugh and you are over sensitive' shitty smell left in the air.

OP posts:
ShockMe · 21/08/2016 23:57

Spot on Francis.

OP posts:
sashh · 22/08/2016 00:04

Deaf is the inability to hear

It has nothing to do with sign language

In your opinion. How is that more or less valid than a person who does use a sign language saying that it does?

Or that deaf and Deaf are different things, deaf (small d deaf) is not hearing, Deaf (big D deaf) is associated with 'the Deaf community' uses sign language and mainly socialises with and marries other Deaf people.

FrancisCrawford · 22/08/2016 00:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Somerville · 22/08/2016 00:50

I hate this kind of 'humour' on FB. Well done for challenging it, OP. And please don't feel bad about doing so even though you aren't part of the group that they are offending. I was upset by a crass comment about cancer (I'm widowed due to that disease) in a status update the other day, until I noticed that a mutual friend had commented that the status was bollocks and should be deleted before it upset bereaved people. I felt a lot better immediately, just for seeing it challenged.

Also, sorry for hijack but FrancisCrawford Fellow Dunnett fan I presume?

Philippa Somerville: “She thinks, as a maiden lady, I should wear my hair down…”
Francis Crawford: “As a maiden lady, you would wear anyone down…” Grin

NeedACleverNN · 22/08/2016 08:23

No that is not my "opinion" that is the medical term.

Deaf is the inability to hear. Plain and simple

You want to choose to have BSL as your first language, go right ahead but unless you loose your hearing you are and will never be deaf.

Jesus Christ that is insulting. You would never argue that someone who chooses to use a wheelchair when they don't need to is disabled would you?

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 22/08/2016 08:49

No that is not my "opinion" that is the medical term.

Deaf is the inability to hear. Plain and simple

"deaf" is a medical term, yes. It means the inability to hear.

There is no medical term called Deaf (capital D in the middle of a sentence).

Deaf does not refer to the inability to hear. It refers to membership of a cultural and linguistic minority.

NeedACleverNN · 22/08/2016 08:55

Well I don't know about other deaf people but I find that insulting

FrancisCrawford · 22/08/2016 09:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

candykane25 · 22/08/2016 09:10

I am deaf. I have profound loss in my left ear and severe loss in my right ear.
I wear hearing aids in both ears. As a child I wore a phonic ear which was a great big heavy brick of equipment which was worn in a harness.
Despite my level of kids I don't use BSL. The majority of deaf people don't.
I am now starting to use the deafblind manual alphabet because I am also registered blind and lip reading is very hard with a visual impairment :)

Yes there is a Deaf community whereby people use BSL and are able to communicate freely. Despite being dad I have been excluded by the Deaf community in my town because I don't use BSL

A friend of mine who does use BSL although not in most situations as she is an excellent lipreader and now has cochlear implants, is campaigning in parliament for BSL to be put in the national curriculum, which is an excellent idea and I would be delighted if my hearing child is able to learn BSL during her education.

However, if you are not deaf, you are not Deaf.

Deafness is an incredibly isolating condition. It affects every area of your life. It is not switched on and off. It is the source of great anxiety, night and day.

For example, as a hearing person, if things go bump in the night, you are aware. Someone breaking in? Smoke alarm going off? Fire in the area and fire brigade knocking on the door to evacuate the neighbourhood? Phone ringing to tell you if a family emergency.

A deaf person worried about all of these every night. And when they are in the shower. And pretty much all the time they can't see out of the front window.

Being deaf is far more than language and BSL. Obviously.

candykane25 · 22/08/2016 09:18

More examples.

Being served in a shop and the assistant is asking do you want a bag? Do you want a loyalty card? Have you got your loyalty card? Do you want the pen for a pound, 5p goes to charity? Etc etc. It's very stressful when you are trying to get your purse out and pay and enter your pin when someone is asking endless questions and you can't hear.

At the bus station or train station or on the team. Announcement is made, people start moving. You've no idea what's going on.

Going swimming and you can't wear your hearing aids and your child is trying to talk to you, other swimmers are making polite small talk and you look ignorant and rude because you have no idea.

Crossing the road. Everytime doubting you've heard/seen all the dangers.

Being in a cafe and the attentive wait staff come over every few minutes to ask more questions. Just take my order and stop talking to me! It's hard to having to keep concentrating on your chit-chat!

I could go on...

That constant level of anxiety that permeates everything.

If you are not deaf, sure you can imagine but it's not 24/7 for you so no, you have no idea.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 22/08/2016 09:23

Candy - my mum finds all the questions when paying at the till very difficult too, hates it.

NeedACleverNN · 22/08/2016 09:40

I hate having to use the telephone

I get dh to speak for me if I can. I cannot understand what they are saying and it's worse if the person has an accent

Trying to phone the doctors is a nightmare. I explain I can't hear them because I am deaf, I hear them say sorry and that's it. I have no idea what they are saying and I know they are getting frustrated when they have to keep repeating.

A video phone would not help either. I hate face timing. I still can't bloody understand them and I get self concious on the phone knowing they can see me

verybadhairdoo · 22/08/2016 09:59

NeedACleverNN - yes! My sentiments exactly!! I have a moderate hearing loss, and wear digital aids. Telephone is a nightmare, I really hate conf calling at work especially where there is accents.

Back to the question though....I do find that joke offensive actually. The number of people who say "pardon" when I mention that I am hard of hearing and use hearing aids. They think they are ever so funny, and snigger, snigger, snigger. And then they stop talking and start miming and say "ooh can you lipread"...Yes you F*ER I can. I may be being over-sensitive, but tbh when you hear it a lot, it gets very annoying.

Chippednailvarnishing · 22/08/2016 09:59

Candy obviously I don't know your medical circumstances, but would cochlear implants be an option for you?

BishopBrennansArse · 22/08/2016 10:35

Everything Candy lists I relate to. I have a degenerative condition and have lost 95% of my hearing since childhood. The other 5% will go at some point and I don't know when which really upsets me as I love music.

Cochlear implants don't work for everyone, certainly not for me as some of my inner ear is missing. Aided hearing is nothing like natural hearing, you may have different levels of loss at different pitches yet EVERYTHING is amplified which can be upsetting and disorientating in crowded environments.

Just why it it acceptable and considered 'mild' to mock deafness?

MargotLovedTom · 22/08/2016 10:40

Agree to all of the above; it's a massive pain in the arse. My hearing deteriorated badly when I was a young(ish) adult so it's been a whole load of coming to terms with it and adjustment. I'm now profoundly deaf.

It's made me really depressed at times. I can't do the job I studied and trained for so a career is down the pan; I hate having to meet new people; I can't listen to music as much which I always loved, as well as going to concerts; I worry that it'll deteriorate so much I'll not be able to hear my grandchildren's voices, when that time comes. It's a struggle to find subtitled cinema showing; Sky make a big deal of their box sets, there's stuff on there I'd love to watch but they're not subtitled (don't get any discount though).

I tell some people I'm hard of hearing and they think they have to then speak to me like I have an IQ of 4: "OKAAAAY......WHAAAAAT.......I........WAAAAAS..........SAAAAAYING..........WAAAAAS........"

I hate it.

MargotLovedTom · 22/08/2016 10:41

x post with Bishop.

sashh · 22/08/2016 11:43

www.dictionary.com/browse/deaf

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 22/08/2016 12:02

What is the point of your post, sashh?

It has already been explained by several posters that Deaf with a capital D is not the same as deaf.

Nobody is disputing the definition of deaf.

But Deaf is not the same thing as deaf.