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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not understand the parents jetting off on summer hols, but leaving their kids behind??

269 replies

ICoriander · 19/08/2016 15:24

I just really, really don't get it.

Just seen on fb some friends doing the obligatory airport pic before jetting off abroad, whilst their 2 kids (around 8 and 11) are sent off to grandparents for the week. The kids usually spend their whole summer holidays with family so the couple can work, but they always take a week away themselves during that time. I could maybe understand it if they were doing a family holiday abroad, then one on their own, but the kids don't ever go.

Obviously none of my business, but it makes me irrationally angry, as it seems so selfish. I have dc of similar ages, and would never take the opportunity to go on holiday with dh without them; we'd be lost!

Is it just me??

OP posts:
Dontyoulovecalpol · 19/08/2016 19:51

I would like to have adult holiday but we both work FT so I would feel guilty seeing even less of them tbh. I go on "girls weekends" but obviously the children are with their father so that's nothing like the same

StillRabbit · 19/08/2016 19:52

MeAndMy3LovelyBoys
"Parents are entitled to have a holiday without their children"

Really? How can I arrange this? I know I'm 'entitled' to child allowance and this was very easy to claim (and quite easy to pay back most of it with DHs tax return). I know I am 'entitled' to free primary and secondary education for my children. But I would love to know how to claim this child free holiday that I am entitled to?

Sorry I realise this is goady but seriously, even IF I wanted a holiday without my children I really don't see how I could arrange it.....

harshbuttrue1980 · 19/08/2016 19:59

Just read that the OP is sending her kids to BOARDING SCHOOL. Well, if I only had the chance to see my kids for a few weeks out of the whole year, then I definitely wouldn't use one of those weeks to holiday without my kids!! Even though I was originally on the OP's side as I think working parents should spend their time off as a family, it is unbelievably hypocritical for someone who can only be bothered to be a parent for 10 weeks a year to criticise someone who wants a break from being a parent for 1 week a year. Full boarding to me is just a posh form of can't be arsed parenting.

miserablesod · 19/08/2016 19:59

Her kids might not want to go abroad. I was planning on taking my kids abroad this year but 3 of them don't want to go on aeroplanes, instead we have had many days out this summer and plan to go away in the UK next year.

I did however go away to Majorca with my friend for 3 nights to celebrate passing my degree with a First and getting my dream job! Shoot me Grin i left my kids at home with their father. It was the first time i have ever been away from my children though so its not a regular occurance.

DancingDinosaur · 19/08/2016 20:02

PaulAnka the grudge is in a previous thread.

ohdearme that is very funny. Now I don't believe this this thread at all.

Philoslothy · 19/08/2016 20:13

I suspect that generally speaking there are two groups of people on this thread.

Those who can afford one main holiday a year abroad who cannot imagine going without their children. I think that is understandable, if I was in a position of only being able to afford one holiday abroad I would take the children.

Those who can afford multiple holidays - with and without the children and therefore this is a non issue.

Sits back and waits for a multi millionaire who cannot be parted from her children for one second.

ItsABanana · 19/08/2016 20:13

Yes, they all had a week off and did a couple of days camping with friends, and days out to the local seaside etc.

So they have had holidays and days out then. Which kind of contradicts your whole tone of OP which insinuates they're just 'ditched' at grandparents for the duration of the summer holiday! Hmm
Seriously, I can't get worked up about it. Each to their own.
I personally don't think I could do a whole week away, but I've done weekends away with dh whilst the kids enjoy themselves at the grandparents.
We have family holidays too. It's healthy to have time as a couple too. You're going to have a hell of a rough ride when they're older and growing up if you can't bear to be apart for longer than five minutes.

MeAndMy3LovelyBoys · 19/08/2016 20:17

StillRabbit. Of course you can't "claim your entitlement" to a child free holiday. Grin It's just bizarre to compare it claiming benefits.

What I mean is, you as a parent, are entitled to plan, book, pay for and go on a holiday without your children providing there is someone responsible to look after them. But you don't want to do that and that is also fine.

Hope that clears it up a bit!

sailawaywithme · 19/08/2016 20:18

Ah, judgment (and envy, I suspect) masquerading as concern for the children. Hmm

I'm all for having time together as a couple without the children. In fact we've just booked a weekend to Toronto for Labor Fay weekend, and I can't wait. If I had someone I could leave the (3) children with for a week, we would. But I think that: a) a "foreign" holiday is a "want" rather than a "need"; and b) the stability of our family is based on the strength of our marriage, and the marriage needs nurturing.

And son of a bitch, I want us to have a lie-in now and then.

sailawaywithme · 19/08/2016 20:20

Seriously, OP, let go of the guilt. It's not good for you.

ohdearme1958 · 19/08/2016 20:25

Sail away. There is no guilt. The whole thing is more than likely a hoax

DancingDinosaur · 19/08/2016 20:30

It must be a hoax. Otherwise why on earth would someone be bothered about others holidaying alone for one week of the year when they are sending their own dc to boarding school for goodness knows how many weeks of the year. Confused

Truffle87 · 19/08/2016 20:30

I wouldn't leave mine behind. I was left behind by my parents as an older child while they went on holiday and I hated it, It's definitely left a mark on me.

Laniakea · 19/08/2016 20:34

boarding school! Brilliant Grin

well my kids are home educated so I'm rarely away from the little darlings but they generally have a week away with their grandparents, a week away with us & then stay at their grandparent's while dh & I go away (only three days though so do I lose evil selfish mother points? Sad ) I'm honestly not sure which holiday they get most excited by!

Lucky gits.

Philoslothy · 19/08/2016 20:34

Truffle87 did they take other annual holidays with you or was there a year when you had no equivalent holiday but they went away.

arethereanyleftatall · 19/08/2016 20:49

A weeks holiday with dh whilst my parents look after their darling gc; everyone's a winner.
Sending my school away to boarding school. Nope, couldn't do that. Just can't understand how anyone could.

Truffle87 · 19/08/2016 21:05

Went away once a year without me. First time was when I was about 11 I think. I stayed with family which was fine but I felt jealous and very left out! If it it had been since young perhaps I wouldn't have been so bothered?

Philoslothy · 19/08/2016 21:22

Truffle did you have an equivalent holiday every year with your parents. My children have pretty much been abandoned from birth so know no different

GoFuckYourselfDailyMail · 19/08/2016 21:27

DH's ex does this. I think it's really mean.

When she had a partner they went on several holidays together but never, ever took DSD.

She's single now and by the end of this year will have been on four foreign holidays. She's not taking DSD with her on any of them.

DSD is camping with us in the UK for two weeks instead.

HormonalHeap · 19/08/2016 21:34

Depends how old the kids are. I'm in South of France with dh, the last thing I'd want is ds15 ruining it for us annoying us out of boredom. However, if we were way with other families with kids, I would've taken him.

He's happy at home with grandma and Xbox. Having said that, if he'd had no summer holiday I don't think I could've done it.

StillRabbit · 19/08/2016 21:39

"Of course you can't "claim your entitlement" to a child free holiday. grin It's just bizarre to compare it claiming benefits.

What I mean is, you as a parent, are entitled to plan, book, pay for and go on a holiday without your children providing there is someone responsible to look after them. But you don't want to do that and that is also fine."

So parents aren't "entitled" to a childless holiday? Okay.

I'm lucky, I do get to have holidays. I can plan, book and pay for holidays but I if DH and I want t to go together then DS has to come too (DD is 18 so can choose whether or not to come with us). A childless holiday is a fantasy for us.... I suppose we could send him on his own to PGL or something but that seems a tad cruel...

Not all parents even have the option to have a night out in their own let alone a holiday.

HeddaLettuce · 19/08/2016 21:47

Not all parents even have the option to have a night out in their own let alone a holiday

The practicalities are your own business, but that makes no difference to the fact that you have the right to do it if you wanted to or could.
And yes, almost all parents do have the option of a night out on their own, through the magic medium of babysitters....

Philoslothy · 20/08/2016 00:43

I suppose we could send him on his own to PGL or something but that seems a tad cruel...

One of ours has gone away in his own on a sporting type holiday. All the older children have gone away on school or extra curricular trips on their own - admittedly with their friends. Certainly nothing cruel about it.

DancingDinosaur · 20/08/2016 01:45

I went on PGL holidays as a kid. I have very fond memories. They were amazing.

VioletBam · 20/08/2016 02:41

If we could afford more than one or two trips away a year I would do it for a weekend. A long one.

It's vital as an adult to spend time away from them.

Ours are bloody hard work. When they were smaller I would not have done it...now they're 12 and 8 and I think it does them good.

At the moment, we sometimes send them off to Gran for 2 nights and we're always in a state of shock for the first 24 hours to be clear of the rows they have!