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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU ,dd of to uni we are skint...AIBU to think the student lone will cover her for everything???

259 replies

Petal40 · 19/08/2016 11:34

Just that really...she's not saved.we are struggling .she chose to save to travel.not save for uni.she thinks it's all going to be ok because she will get a student lone....but will that lone cover everything?? And when she finishes she will be £60 grand approx in debt ...well our first house where she was born cost less than the debt she will be in after 3 years..I hope to god she changes her mind and decides not to go

OP posts:
MrsBrent · 19/08/2016 17:17

I didn't go to uni as my parents couldn't afford it.
There's not a day that goes by where I don't feel sad about it.
I got a job and did well but it wasn't the path I should have gone down

Absy · 19/08/2016 17:19

"the government expects us to support them as adults,otherwise the student loans would cover what they needed...period"

What was going on before, that the government took over funding people's DCs when they turned 18?

Trifleorbust · 19/08/2016 17:21

Ridiculous to argue you shouldn't have more than one child unless you have substantial savings Confused At 18 our children are legally adults. It is lovely to be able to help them our financially but it is not an obligation, nor is uni a foregone conclusion when a child is born. Not everyone places value on the same things.

user1471428758 · 19/08/2016 17:23

Also, the OP said:

"Also...why arnt the government seeing 18 yr olds as adults..."

Which is it, OP? You can't have it both ways. If you want the government to see your 18 year old as an adult, that means she needs to fend for herself and get a job to pay her way, like every other adult on the planet.

Or do you only want them to see her as an adult so that you can rid yourself of any financial responsibility towards her education and make everyone else pay for instead?

What an appalling attitude.

AndNowItsSeven · 19/08/2016 17:26

Trifle yes it is an obligation , otherwise all students would be given the maximum loan.
The government work out the minimum a student can live in and how much a parent can afford to support based on income. If you can't afford to support your dc by making up the student loan to the max you need to lower your outgoings even if a means moving .

Trifleorbust · 19/08/2016 17:27

User: At 18, her education IS her own responsibility, just as she can now vote, rent property, buy property, marry etc. She is an adult. The government used to provide grants for adults to study in higher education, but they don't anymore. That doesn't make it the OP's financial responsibility.

Trifleorbust · 19/08/2016 17:28

Seven: No, it isn't. The government can't force you to put a penny towards your child's university fees or living expenses, whatever their stance on student loans. It quite simply isn't an obligation.

Babyroobs · 19/08/2016 17:29

Op, I have 4 kids and to be honest it wasn't really something I gave too much thought to when I had them. I was the first personin my family to go to Uni and didn't go until I was 24 and had worked a good few years. I was lucky in that I got a grant that I didn't have to pay back was able to work quite a few hours a week throughout my degree. My 4 kids are all 2 school years apart so the next decade is going to be financially tough for us although I don't think ds2 will want to go to Uni but may ned financial suppor tin other ways. We are lucky we have just paid of our mortgage this was always our plan so that we could help the kids through Uni. I know quite a few people who have saved every penny of their child benfit and now have £16k ready to help their kids but I imagine not many families with 4 can do that as things are so expensive.

titchy · 19/08/2016 17:29

Parents have ALWAYS been expected to stump up towards their kids' university education. Back in the day grants were available to those from low incomes. Those from higher income households had to rely on their parents - although they could claim the tax back on contributions. Deeds of covenant anyone?

clicknclack · 19/08/2016 17:29

If you can afford for her to stay home rent free can you give her the money you would have spent on food and increased utilities maybe?

expatinscotland · 19/08/2016 17:32

'Ridiculous to argue you shouldn't have more than one child unless you have substantial savings confused '

And no one is. But it seems rather short-sighted to have a large family and not have got yourself clued up on how funding higher education works because yeah, the world changes a lot in 18 years. 'The government' hasn't been handing out grants for everyone for some time now.

Trifleorbust · 19/08/2016 17:35

Expat: Not everyone values the same things. The expectation that any individual's children will most likely go to uni and that that individual will need to contribute regularly to costs is a very middle class assumption, to be frank. Most people on lower incomes don't have substantial university savings - they are barely getting by. But when they made their decisions about having children (in this case 15-18 years ago) it probably didn't occur to them that it would ever be expected that they would.

scaryteacher · 19/08/2016 17:36

I'd forgotten about Deeds of Covenant Titchy!

MadHattersWineParty · 19/08/2016 17:40

I got the full grant/loan when I went to uni for the first year as mum was a single parent on a low income. It was enough. I didn't even go into my overdraft or need to work during term time, although I did work in the holidays. My mum moved in with my now step dad before the start of the second year and it all changed as they took into account his in income too and it pushed it over the threshold. He had kids of his own and I wasn't his responsibility but it didn't make any difference. I lost all the grant, and would have had to pull out of it wasn't for my grandparents and a hardship payment from the uni, I worked waitressing all hours too which did affect my degree and I didn't come out with the grades I wanted. Keeping my head above water those final two years was a massive struggle. My parents had no provision to help me whatsoever. They really did just assume 'the government' would just cover it Confused

Original poster
Petal40 · 19/08/2016 17:40

Thankyou to all the kind genuine replys..those of you just looking to provoke or upset ,tough luck it didn't work.....anyone who reads though the whole thread will see the posters trying to provoke ....thankyou once again to the people with kind genuine replys.i have plenty to think about.and won't be replying to this thread again

OP posts:
AndNowItsSeven · 19/08/2016 17:41

Trifle morally it is an obligation, the government can't force you you to contribute but it's a horrible thing to do to your child.
The threshold for maximum loan is not that low it well above minimum wage.

sassymuffin · 19/08/2016 17:43

I understand that you don't want to be too identifiable by telling us the Uni or course but unfortunately that makes a huge difference when considering living costs.

The fact you have said that you don't qualify for tax credits suggests that your DD may not qualify for the maximum loan.

Is it possible that your DD can shorten her travel plans and then work for six months before leaving for University?

By deferring she actually has a head start in looking for a part time job, she knows where she will be going next September so she may be able to secure a job in advance before next years results day.

A firm reality check and letting your DD know how serious this is worrying you may be in order.

Trifleorbust · 19/08/2016 17:43

Bollocks, it's a moral obligation. It is a nice thing to do if you can afford it. You are just going out of your way to make someone feel bad about something they can't help. Stop it.

user1471428758 · 19/08/2016 17:43

User: At 18, her education IS her own responsibility, just as she can now vote, rent property, buy property, marry etc. She is an adult. The government used to provide grants for adults to study in higher education, but they don't anymore. That doesn't make it the OP's financial responsibility.

The point I was trying to make was that the OP can't ask that "the government" (there we go again with the mystical money-making organsiation) treat her daughter like an adult for the purposes of not including her parents' income in the financial calculations, yet also expect "the government" to fund her entire university education with a loan that would "cover everything" because she can't afford to do it. She can't have it both ways.

If she wants "the government" to treat her 18 year old daughter as an adult (which she is), then said daughter needs to pay her own way through university. But she thinks "the government" should have to provide a loan that will "cover everything".

Since grants are no longer provided (and even when they were, they certainly didn't cover everything; many students also had to work), and everyone knows this, and the OP has four children, she really should have been making herself aware of how it works, but she seeems to have no clue.

OnceThereWasThisGirlWho · 19/08/2016 17:46

MrsBrent Have you looked at the Open University? I highly recommend it.

Trifleorbust · 19/08/2016 17:48

User: the government should be prepared to offer a full loan to any would-be student (or none of them) without expecting parents to fund university. Not unreasonable at all. It should not be means-tested in the way it is.

sophiestew · 19/08/2016 17:48

My DD got the maximum loan for London as I am a single parent on a low income. However, that loan won't even cover her rent. Halls at her uni are £200 a week. She can go further out slightly more cheaply, but then the travel costs will just wipe out the savings.

I cannot support her financially, so she will have to work to pay for her food and other expenses. She has taken a year out to save up and has a few thousand pounds as a cushion.

The problem for those with incomes which preclude their DC from getting a full loan is that quite often they have other DC and high mortgages so their disposable income isn't high enough.

It's all very well people saying it's a parents moral duty, but if you don't have a home you can sell, and have other children at home to feed, and are on a low wage, it's bloody impossible. Bursarys are extremely limited, and not available for every course.

user1471428758 · 19/08/2016 17:54

User: the government should be prepared to offer a full loan to any would-be student (or none of them) without expecting parents to fund university. Not unreasonable at all. It should not be means-tested in the way it is.

And where do you think the money to do this should come from, given that god knows how much percentage of this debt is never repaid?

In any case, it's not about offering a full loan or not - it's that the OP expects the loan to "cover everything". I don't see why it should.

Trifleorbust · 19/08/2016 17:56

The loan should cover everything for everyone, or for no-one. Parents who want to fund their child's further education should be able to do so, but it should not be assumed that people will.

Absy · 19/08/2016 17:58

When I was studying there were people I went to uni with, who were having everything funded by their parents (including some of them having their parents buy them a flat in their second year) who took the student loans, and then put them in savings accounts (back when you could actually earn interest or a decent rate) for the duration of their degree. That's why you have means testing - why should students like that get loans they don't need (and are actually earning cash from)?