ABU to expect food when providing free labour of 15 hours a day for a cousin?

[Flossynoodle123]

Cousin and wife buy a small hotel. I see them once a year maximum. Never lived anywhere near them and have never spoken on the phone until 2 years ago when he asks for advice.
During a call when he asks for legal advice (again) I say I'll "give him a hand" as DC would be with the father when they moved in. He phoned back a week later to book my attendance for the full 2 weeks. I was so taken aback i was rendered speechless. Fortunately completion was delayed so I only had to do 6 days (still WTF frankly).
I arrive at 11 am on Wednesday having driven over 130 miles to get there. Start stripping wallpaper straight away. Not even shown my room, no offer of a drink. I get offered a hot drink after 3 hours.

Wake in the night (in the worst room in the place despite it having 20 percent occupancy. Single bed, not cleaned since takeover, v grim indeed). Kidney infection it turns out. Had to take myself off and get medical care, ended up as a temporary resident at a GP practice and told i was an hour away from being admitted to hospital. Silly me spends the rest of Thursday flat out decorating. I hadn't been offered breakfast (despite them doing full cooked breakfasts for guests). I was made a cup of coffee later that day. I work until 11pm.
From arrival on Wednesday to leaving on Sunday I was not once offered breakfast, was given one sandwich a day (never before 2.30pm) and had only 2 dinners - I was offered a microwave curry one night at 11.15pm as I finished work but declined!
I was never told to help myself. They made no enquiries as to my health and they did't thank me when I left (early!) on Sunday.
I stripped wallpaper, sanded, decorated and lugged about during my summer holiday without DC with a kidney infection whilst sleeping in the smallest single room on earth with no food and a shower so weak I couldn't even wash my hair.
I'm 50 next year so it wasn't easy physically. I feel so upset as I know I've been not just taken for a ride but abused.

My husband left me when DC was days old. Not a call from them let alone help!
I just needed to rant. I know the behaviour is off the scale unacceptable.

I wish I had a mug like me to do all her dirty work!!!
I have slept 18 out of the last 24 hours after getting home as I was so ill.

christ OP you've had some harsh comments.

Being genuine and kind does not make you a 'vulnerable adult' or a 'doormat'. Some people just give too much of themselves and then usually find out the hard way that they are amongst some pretty self-serving and selfish people. Don't change that part of you're nature OP, but reserve it instead for people you KNOW are the type to appreciate it and who would reciprocate.

I do think a book or a course on assertiveness, as previously suggested, would be beneficial to you.

I would be inclined as a first step in trying to be assertive, to email them and let them know what you think of their behaviour. Clearly they're so engrossed in themselves, it needs spelling out to them.

You have a martyr complex.

Or perhaps it's that OP's self esteem is shot and would benefit from support to improve it.

Grilled - I think TBH most posters are gobsmaked that anyone could tolerate that sustained kind of shitty behaviour.

Putting up with that kind of brass necked attitude, rudeness and any absence of the most basic manners for a guest, never mind someone working their ass off to help you for one single day would have pushed me way over my "Grudger" threshold.

Doing that for 5(?) days whilst poorly......

I don't think people are trying to be mean. I think they are trying to make the OP realise that her boundaries and thresholds are way beyond the norm of kindness and she needs to re-evaluate her own worth in that regard.

The OP clearly is a kind person, but being kind doesn't mean you have to let those around you take advantage, especially at the expense of your health. Kindness and martyrdom are not the same thing.

Eats. I get what you're saying, and I'm sure you're right. It just seems really harsh on the OP who sounds like she's feeling a bit fragile. Not everyone is made of tough stuff. To some people the very notion that the OP allowed herself to be abused like this seems crazy but I can so see how it can happen.

Sorry I wasn't meaning to suggest everyone's a heartless arse.

Op, where was your 7 year old when all this hard labour was going on?? Either you left him somewhere else for 2 weeks (to spend your holiday grafting for someone else) or he was with you and wasn't fed either

With his dad, flogging.

Haha Leaves! Glad you knew who I meant!

Bloody hell.you ate being massively abused and taken advantage of .

Are not ate

Grilled - the upshot is that AIBU (wrongly) can be a very opinionated place to post.

Having said that, I agree some posts could have been more sensitive but actually sometimes a bit of forthright commentary is just what is needed when someone's life paradigm is so obviously out of kilter with what's heathy.

It must be hard for the OP to read some of these comments, but hopefully she will realise there is a difference between being "kind" and being treated like shit. Even if this thread has just sparked the smallest sense that her self worth should not be so easily frittered on people who are only invested in what they can take from others then it's been a good thread for her to post.

I detect a hint of pride in how "good" you were and how terrible they are. Like a weird martyr syndrome.

There's really nothing to be proud of in being mistreated. It doesn't make you nicer, kinder or more generous than anyone else.

Floggingmolly - what an unpleasant post, the worst of a few unkind ones. My DC was with the father (ex husband) and plainly wasn't being neglected by me as you needlessly suggest.

This is from a pdf by NHS Scotland.

Mumsnetters like to pour scorn on Transactional Analysis, but I really rate it. Its inventor has a website here.

The book itself is an easy read: Games People Play.

Different authors work for different people. I love Windy Dryden. You can 'look inside' to see what you think: Assertiveness, Positive Living and Self Acceptance.

Hi Flossy.

I think that poster didn't read your opening post - it was clear to me your DS was with his father and any suggestion that your parenting is somehow flawed in this regard is bollocks.

I do hope however that you have taken on board some of the comments about assertiveness and self worth.

Equally I hope you are feeling physically better - kidney infections are bloody awful

Garlic Thanks for the links. I think I will read a bit more about transactional analysis and games. Might help my computer gaming son

Flossie - I hope you find some good stuff on this thread. I was always told that 'my reward would be in heaven' by my mother if I complained. I now realise it was convenient for her doing things she wanted how she wanted. She never seemed to like me as much when I tried to do my own thing. It is amazing how people act in their own interest, even when they appear to be 'nice' to you

Live and learn OP. Never do anything for them again, and never let anyone treat you like that again, regardless or not of whether you share DNA with them. WHenever anyone says something along the lines of family is family I can't help but think of Peggy Mitchell and her fabulously functional family.