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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think my brother should wash his own bloody clothes?

56 replies

PinkyofPie · 15/08/2016 21:46

DB works full time in the day and SIL works nights when he gets home. She has a 12yo DS with ASD and they have a 3yo as well, who she looks after during the day.

Apprently they're on the verge on splitting up, my brother has emailed me (just a back and forth catch up conversation as we live far from each other) citing a reason as "she doesn't work until 7pm so she's in all day and I never have a clean unform for work". some days he's had to go in with non-uniform or damp clothes on in a hurry to dry them. Also their 3yo DS is at nursery 1 day a week and SIL takes the day to clean the house. DB is a real clean freak and says she misses bits like cob webs and it frustrates him

He didn't go into much other detail, WIBU to email him back and tell him to do his own fucking washing and if he's so arsed about cobwebs to clean them himself?

I feel quite disappointed, I though my DB was better than this.

OP posts:

DoreenLethal · 15/08/2016 21:49

'Hi bro. I've heard rumours that washing machines and dusters work perfectly well if they are used by men during the evening time so hows about do your own washing and cleaning and let your wife, who works nights and looks after your child during the day, have a break eh?'

LewisAndClark · 15/08/2016 21:52

Fucking hell. When does she sleep?

Original poster

PinkyofPie · 15/08/2016 21:54

love it Doreen! I nearly typed "is yours one of those machines which is vagina operated?"

Lewis she works from 7pm until (I think) 1am 4 nights a week so just sleeps when she gets home and puts up with being tired!

OP posts:

annandale · 15/08/2016 21:55

Yes YWBU to email him. If you're going to say something like this it should be in the pub, face to face and in the spirit of supporting the marriage, not punishing him.

But yes, I would have difficulty not telling him to get a bloody grip.

LewisAndClark · 15/08/2016 21:56

God I'd be dead on my feet.

He sounds like a massive arse. I'm a SAHM but Dh still does washing and cleaning.

Msqueen33 · 15/08/2016 21:57

Selfish lazy bitch! She doesn't need to sleep. Why isn't she serving him? Like a proper wrench should. He needs to divorce her asap!

No hang on! He's an utter twat!

Original poster

PinkyofPie · 15/08/2016 22:02

That's it annan I wanna be supportive if they are splitting but fucking hell that pissed me off, and I don't think I've interpreted it wrong.

I blame my bloody mother for babying him for so long

OP posts:

YelloDraw · 15/08/2016 22:04

Msqueen33 has it right

DoinItFine · 15/08/2016 22:07

He ordered the latest skivvy model that is both a SAHM and brings in a wage.

I can see why he's disappointed that it isn't functioning as advertised.

Definitely tell him what a twat he's being.

sooperdooper · 15/08/2016 22:08

Tell him straight he needs to get a grip!

KatharinaRosalie · 15/08/2016 22:11

he is at home the entire night and evening, mostly when kids are sleeping. If you count their leisure hours, he must win by a mile.

PickAChew · 15/08/2016 22:12

Well he needs to hear it from someone and who better than his sister.

CodyKing · 15/08/2016 22:15

Poor lamb - how will he manage when they split?

MsVestibule · 15/08/2016 22:21

I blame my bloody mother for babying him for so long. So it's still a woman's fault?

I know what you're saying, but honestly, I hate this line. My mum did the vast majority of the housework when I lived at home, but I knew when I moved out, I would have to do my own. If my dad had been the SAHP who did the housework, I really can't imagine thinking it was a man's job to do it all. So why would your DB think it's a woman's job? He's just lazy and controlling, don't make excuses for him.

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/08/2016 22:35

You are exactly the right person to tell him. Text him exactly what you suggested in the OP.

Original poster

PinkyofPie · 15/08/2016 22:41

Ms not making excuses but trying to see where his feeling of entitlement comes from.

I grew up in a house where, at Sunday dinner when all the food was in the middle of the table, and we just took what we wanted, the men of the house would get to pick their food before the women (mum's rule). First my SD as 'head of the house', then my DBs, then the females. That's just one example, there's loads of Other things mum did to get the message out that women were 2nd class citizens in the home. When he moved in with SIL in his early 20s he hadn't so much as ironed a shirt or boiled an egg.

Mum also once told SIL, 2 weeks post birth recovering from a c-section, that now she's got '6 months off' she should bake DB a cake for when he gets in from work every day. I was there and I think SIL was relieved when I burst out laughing and said how ridiculous that would be

You are right though, hes a grown up with a mind of his own and needs to stop being a twat.

OP posts:

grannytomine · 15/08/2016 22:42

I think what goes on in a marriage is no one else's business. I sympathise with your SIL but it is their business.

CodyKing · 15/08/2016 22:47

Why shouldn't she point her brother in the right direction? Why wouldn't she offer advice if he's wrong?

If he wants a decent marriage he needs to step up and work at it - what does he bring to the table?

SarahM24 · 15/08/2016 22:48

Sil must be totally shattered, are you friendly with her at all? She's going to have a tough time if your brother walks getting childcare at night isn't easy or cheap it would be nice for her to know your a support.

I love my brother to bits but would give him a flaming good shake to wake up and pitch in at the house the lazy git. Washing machines are easy to use shove the clothes in and press some buttons. He can sort his own uniform my god it really drives me mad.

CodyKing · 15/08/2016 22:48

AND what kind of batshit MIL does poor SIL have? Wonder if she's posted!

grannytomine · 15/08/2016 22:51

All marriages are different and it is up to the couple to work it out. All you do by interfering is cause trouble and thinking of my own family a siblings giving advice is never a good idea. He will resent it and his wife mighas well. Your experience might be different but mine is that unless wife/husband is subject to DV or children are at risk it is best to keep out of it.

magoria · 15/08/2016 23:07

If he has emailed you and actually given you that as a reason I would email back and give him both barrels full and tell him he is the lazy self entitled twat and to spend as many hours cleaning, child watching and working as his wife does.

If he did some of that there may not be any cobwebs.

magoria · 15/08/2016 23:12

Oh and ask him who is going to do it all for him once he leaves her and who will look after his DC every other weekend when he sees them?

Will he move back home and your mother do that?

Sorry it appears I am grouchy tonight

ApocalypseSlough · 15/08/2016 23:17

grannyto they're not working it out- the man is threatening to leave and if his sister can't point it out who can!

TheGruffaloMother · 15/08/2016 23:28

I'd be giving him a dose of reality if it were me. In my family that would include very pointedly taking the piss out of him being incapable of wearing clean clothes to work without a woman to arrange it for him around all the housework, childcare and her own job. There would be no name calling but the point would be very clear. But then, I'm a tough love kind of sister

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