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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my brother should wash his own bloody clothes?

56 replies

PinkyofPie · 15/08/2016 21:46

DB works full time in the day and SIL works nights when he gets home. She has a 12yo DS with ASD and they have a 3yo as well, who she looks after during the day.

Apprently they're on the verge on splitting up, my brother has emailed me (just a back and forth catch up conversation as we live far from each other) citing a reason as "she doesn't work until 7pm so she's in all day and I never have a clean unform for work". some days he's had to go in with non-uniform or damp clothes on in a hurry to dry them. Also their 3yo DS is at nursery 1 day a week and SIL takes the day to clean the house. DB is a real clean freak and says she misses bits like cob webs and it frustrates him Hmm

He didn't go into much other detail, WIBU to email him back and tell him to do his own fucking washing and if he's so arsed about cobwebs to clean them himself?

I feel quite disappointed, I though my DB was better than this.

OP posts:
TheGruffaloMother · 15/08/2016 23:30

Wait, who the feck will be doing his washing if he leaves?? Confused

The poor DP would probably have an easier time of things...less washing plus cleaning to her own standards.

gamerchick · 15/08/2016 23:33

Yup you have in front of you the opportunity to give him both barrels. Would you like some help with a reply?

JassyRadlett · 15/08/2016 23:40

Dear Bro,

You don't work until 8am so you're in all day and I understand SIL never has clean clothes laid out for her for work.

Pull your finger out, and once you've done that use it and the four others on that hand to run the feather duster round to get rid of any cobwebs, and wash your own clothes in the evening like a grown-up.

Love
OP

TheGruffaloMother · 15/08/2016 23:48

Dear Bro,

If you send me a picture of the front of the washing machine I'd be happy to use very short words to give you instructions on how to use it.

Oh, you know how?

What is it your last slave died of then?

Love
OP

Wink
Atenco · 15/08/2016 23:52

The people telling the OP to butt out are just plain silly. If her brother listens to her he might actually save his marriage, if he doesn't he'll have a lot more than his clothes to wash.

TheCraicDealer · 15/08/2016 23:53

Do us all a favour and point out to him that he's an adult who's more than capable of using a duster or a machine machine. Even if it doesn't burst his bubble it might make him pause for a nanosecond. It baffles me there's people out there that would watch their partners at breaking point and would prefer to have it that way rather than give them a hand without it being a big deal.

DoinItFine · 15/08/2016 23:57

The only reason not to tell him to stop being such a massive twat is that you think his wife would be better off out of a marriage in which she is second class.

VimFuego101 · 16/08/2016 00:04

He must have really enormous testicles if they prevent him getting close to the washer and dryer.

amidestinedtobechubbyforlife · 16/08/2016 00:04

Your brother is a chauvinistic ungrateful cunt by the sounds of it Hmm his poor wife. Please stick up for her the woman must be running on empty!

MrsJoeyMaynard · 16/08/2016 00:07

Agree you should tell him to do more washing and cleaning. He's an adult and presumably capable of operating a washing machine or wielding a feather duster.

His wife works nights and looks after a small child in the day. She's hardly sitting around all day doing nothing. Plus, if they do split, he'll have to do all his own washing and cleaning himself anyway.

DeathStare · 16/08/2016 07:27

Please please send the email that Doreen suggested. I know it sounds like a joke on here but seriously please do it.

Your DB's attitudes are from the 1950s and unless someone challenges him on them he is unlikely to ever find happiness in a relationship. And your poor SIL needs some support.

It isn't interfering - he chose himself to tell you what's going on. If he chooses to do that then he can't then choose for you not to comment.

StrongTeaHotShower · 16/08/2016 07:43

He absolutely needs a wake up call and too hear it from more than just one or two people so it's validated.
And yes, send doreens email.

FayKorgasm · 16/08/2016 07:44

Your poor SIL. I know you want to support your DB but he needs his head checked. He has told you why his marriage is failing and you have the perfect opportunity to point out his huge part in it.
And maybe drop your SIL a line telling her what a great job she's doing because by the sounds of it she gets nothing but grief from her 'D'H.

JakeBallardswife · 16/08/2016 07:50

Yep, tell him in a jokey way but direct to do his own washing!

MissMargie · 16/08/2016 08:04

Telling DSIL to bake a cake everyday just demonstrates how out of touch DM is. With the obesity rates as they are that is the last thing someone should do, she thinks she is in the 1930s when men had heavy physical jobs and needed energy. Likewise with the men eating first. The men were out working physically hard 12 hours a day, women managing the home and DCs.
Can't believe he is in such a timewarp, doesn't he watch tv?

KellyBoo800 · 16/08/2016 08:49

I would tell him straight; he works for X amount of hours, and is at home for Y amount of hours whilst DC is awake and Z amount whilst DC asleep. I'd ask him to compare that to what his wife was doing and how much of the 'DC awake' time is pre-occupied keeping the child safe, fed, clean etc. He needs to step up and help her.

What is your relationship with DSIL like? If it's a good one and you can talk to her about this, I would try to empower her to talk to him about it too. When my DB is a bit of a douche to his girlfriend/mother of his child, she will often confide in me and I think it helps her knowing that she has someone who sees her point of view and is on her side, and she's more likely to confront him about problems because she realises it's not all in her head.

grannytomine · 16/08/2016 09:08

ApocalypseSlough, if I could tell you the number of people I know who have kindly got involved in someone else's marital problems only to find that the couple suddenly form a united front and turn on them. Well I suppose it does save the marriage but not nice for the well intentioned person who then gets the cold shoulder and slagged off to everyone as an interfering busybody. Even when people ask for advice they rarely want it in my experience.

Runny · 16/08/2016 09:47

It usually IS a woman's fault when men behave like this though, so many mothers wait in their sons and husbands hand and foot. My DM had a bee in her bonnet when my DB's ex partner wasn't making him a packed lunch for work and putting a meal on the table for him when he got home at night. Never mind that she also worked full time, doing shifts, and wasn't there when he got ahome half the time, but no she should have made him a meal in advance and plated it up ready for him to bung in the microwave when he got in....

Unfortunately until this mentality disappears, then these silly men children won't either.

LotsOfShoes · 16/08/2016 09:53

Stay out of it. SIL is making a great decision to dump him and you don't want to ruin that. If you set him straight, he'll apologize, do a bit of work for a few weeks and then go back to being his awful self. Let the woman escape now.

hellsbellsmelons · 16/08/2016 10:29

Send him a copy of THIS

He's an entitled twat and you need to point that out to him.
I think SIL would better off, far less stressed and overworked, away from your DB. Sorry!

babyblabber · 16/08/2016 10:36

I would write

"I'm so sorry this is happening but to be honest I'm surprised it has taken this long. Are you honestly telling me that you don't do your own washing? Do you do any housework or does [SIL] do it all despite getting less than 5 hours sleep a night? You might have a chance of saving your marriage if you sit her down and explain that you are so sorry you haven't been pulling your weight, beg for another chance and then follow through and split the housework evenly, making sure she gets some downtime at some stage too."

GoblinLittleOwl · 16/08/2016 10:51

Could you invite your sister-in-law away for a couple of days so that your brother is left with the house, children and housework and possibly his first experience of what her life is like? Or would he decamp to mummy with his washing?
Failing this, then yes, you should point out to him in a sisterly way that he is being unreasonable, and if he discovers cobwebs all he has to do is remove them. Oh, and buy a tumble dryer.

Original poster
PinkyofPie · 16/08/2016 17:16

Thanks all. Think I will steal lots of babys suggestions and will reply once DD in bed, he might get a shock to hear his sister calling him out on his twattishness!

Either that or this will end up on DM site win which case ill just send him the link Confused

OP posts:
MrTCakes · 16/08/2016 17:38

Sounds like my exh. He is now in his 40's and living with his parents - his mother does his washing.

5Foot5 · 17/08/2016 13:29

Being nosy - but did you send the email?

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