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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want my kids in the ensuite?

91 replies

Namechanged38 · 15/08/2016 21:29

Disclaimer - I know this is trivial and don't particularly look forward to a chorus of first world problem accusations, which it is. Blush But I'd be interested in hearing some of your opinions.

Background is we are moving house next month into a larger place (5 bedrooms) from a 3 bed semi and have 3 kids. The bedrooms aren't huge but the long-term plan is they can have their own rooms when they get older.

The two older kids (7 and 5) want to share a room, as they did in the last house. They liked their bunkbeds. Everyone is happy with this plan as it will currently give us 2 free rooms - one can be used as an office/spare, the other as a spare. We have large families so extra room is a bonus.

Anyway. Went to look at it again today and I suggested the older two kids share the biggest bedroom (apart from ours). This is an ensuite with fitted wardrobes. The other rooms do not have any fitted wardrobes and are a fair bit smaller.

My DH couldn't believe I was considering it. He said it is for guests...that it is important to give guests privacy...that the kids will be fine in a smaller room...that an ensuite is there for a reason and that reason is guests. (For reference, we will probably have on average 6-8 different family groups or friends per year for a few days at a time).

My reasoning is that our situation is a bit different - our kids want to share so we should give them the biggest room available with the most storage space. Plus it frees up an extra room for us.

Tbh I am a bit pissed off with him being so emphatic. I think priority should be given to permanent residents of the house whatever their age, and the odd overnight house guest here and there can sleep in a comfortable double in a smaller room. But I am willing to be told iabu.

Frankly I think this stems from his mother who is all about appearances and keeping up with the Joneses.

So, AIBU?

OP posts:
RJnomore1 · 15/08/2016 21:30

Good lord no yanbu!

My ensuite is the last place I would want guests (or kids either for that matter but your set up is different)

healthyheart · 15/08/2016 21:32

YANBU yours is a great idea!

LewisAndClark · 15/08/2016 21:33

Do you have an ensuite?

I wouldn't give mine up for anyone now.

YANBU by the way.

Cakescakescakes · 15/08/2016 21:34

He is being ridiculous.

PotteringAlong · 15/08/2016 21:34

Not unreasonable at all. Having an ensuite for the kids sounds like a great plan.

AndNowItsSeven · 15/08/2016 21:35

Your dh is being ridiculous, what does he think guests do in homes with no ensuite.

LikeTheShoes · 15/08/2016 21:35

If you save it for guests you don't need to clean it so often!

SlightlyperturbedOwl · 15/08/2016 21:35

YANBU. It sounds like a good set-up to me. Sharing is ace if they want to (I wish mine still did). They need the biggest bedroom if they are sharing as well otherwise the toys and playing will spill out more into the rest of the house. Presumably there is a family bathroom too so the visitors can have privacy in there.

dwinnol · 15/08/2016 21:37

DH wants to reserve the 2nd largest bedroom with an en suite for guests and leave it empty most of the time? YNBU, it's all a bit Hyacinth Bucket.

HobnailsandTaffeta · 15/08/2016 21:37

Hmmmm an ensuite is good for guests to have privacy, it doesn't feel as comfortable if you have to nip across the landing in your nightie to a bathroom shared with kids.

But then if there isn't enough space in the other rooms for two to share then I see your point.

LC01 · 15/08/2016 21:37

I agree with your plan. We were going to do the same and give our daughter the second Ensuite, but we bought another house in the end.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 15/08/2016 21:37

How often do you have guests?

It does mean you have three bathrooms to clean constantly if you give an eu suite to the kids.

clicknclack · 15/08/2016 21:38

One time I was buying a car and considered getting a bigger one that seats more people because we have out of town guests who stay for a couple of weeks every year and don't want to drive. I didn't really want a car that big but it would make it easier when we had guests. A friend of a friend told me "buy the car that suits 99% of your life, don't buy it based on a small proportion of your life. Rent that car instead or make do for that short time every year". I've applied that to the rest of my life often since then.

So I'd do the same as you have suggested. This is your kid's home, it is somewhere your guests temporarily visit. If they are sharing a room, give them the bigger room. You don't want your guests to be TOO comfortable!! Guests do not/should not expect to have the best room in the house, a clean comfortable room that is decorated nicely and meets their temporary needs is more than adequate.

Original poster
Namechanged38 · 15/08/2016 21:39

Yes we have an ensuite. This place is bigger than anywhere else we have lived so it is a stupid argument..AndNow puts it well, wtf do guests do elsewhere...I sleep on a sofabed in the living room at my parents and it is fine, ffs.

Thank you. I am going to stick to my guns. Just wanted to check I wasn't being ott.

OP posts:
BastardGoDarkly · 15/08/2016 21:39

Seriously?! He thinks guests having to use a bathroom that's not attached to their bedroom, is more important than the children having the best room as their room? That's weird.

clicknclack · 15/08/2016 21:41

plus the main bathroom will stay cleaner if the (hidden) ensuite is being used by the kids.

TheBouquets · 15/08/2016 21:41

You your DH and 3 DCs are the permanent residents of the house. Does the room you and DH are taking have an en suite? It will be a lot of help later once the DCs are older and occupying the bathroom a lot. I suppose it depend how often you have staying guests, if it is a weekly event then perhaps having the en suite for guests is a good idea. If the guests are DH's boss perhaps that is why he wants an en suite, or perhaps he just wants to impress the guests.
It might even be that once you move into the house you might try out having DCs in another room. It is advised to live in a house before making major decisions about what goes where.
It seems a bit strange the DH wants to keep a less used room for guests when it has the advantage of an en suite.

blueturtle6 · 15/08/2016 21:43

Haha we are in similar, dh wants a place with two ensuites, one for us and one for guests, happy to go along as want dd to have ensuite when a teenager anyway.
But Yanbu, the two sharing should have bigger room

Original poster
Namechanged38 · 15/08/2016 21:45

BastardGoDarkly - EXACTLY the point I made. His priorities are skewed.

Definitely MIL's influence...Hyacinth Bucket Wink

OP posts:
clicknclack · 15/08/2016 21:45

tell DH that if he is insistent that guests have a big room and an ensuite then ask him what he would think about you doing without and being in a smaller room and leaving the master for guests. He will almost certainly think that is a stupid idea and then you can say "well that is what you are asking of the two that are going to share...

Another option might be if the two that are going to share share two rooms between the two of them so they have a bedroom and a hang out room that are both theirs and has a daybed in for sitting and reading on...? You'd lose your office but then they would have some extra room and your overly pampered guests would get their flipping ensuite!

Iggii · 15/08/2016 21:46

If you make guests too comfy they won't want to leave.

Original poster
Namechanged38 · 15/08/2016 21:46

Probably guest every couple of months. At most.

OP posts:
blueskyinmarch · 15/08/2016 21:46

My house has two en suite bedrooms. We have one and DD2 has the second. DD1 doesn't stay at home now so we have two guest rooms and any guests can use the family bathroom. No one else tell uses this bathroom , just DH if he is leaving very early in the morning. Works for us and no guests have ever complained. DD2 is 18 now and has had that room since she was 13. She loves having her own self contained space. I think it makes sense to give your own children the bigger room with the en suite.

Ed1tY0urPr0f1le · 15/08/2016 21:46

Based on your DH reasoning, yanbu. The guests will be fine in either room. Yes, it's lovely to get an en-suite as a guest but by no means essential (our guests get an airbed!)

However, I might be inclined to keep the ensuite room as a guest room for practical reasons as it would mean less cleaning and I would make use of the storage myself! Also, the dc will want their own rooms eventually and then you may have a fight on your hands over who gets to keep the ensuite.

Original poster
Namechanged38 · 15/08/2016 21:49

Lots of sensible opinions and suggestions - thank you all. Will take them all on board and use some of the lines on DH when I start decorating the bigger room in a few weeks Smile

OP posts:
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