Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

To want my kids in the ensuite?

91 replies

Namechanged38 · 15/08/2016 21:29

Disclaimer - I know this is trivial and don't particularly look forward to a chorus of first world problem accusations, which it is. But I'd be interested in hearing some of your opinions.

Background is we are moving house next month into a larger place (5 bedrooms) from a 3 bed semi and have 3 kids. The bedrooms aren't huge but the long-term plan is they can have their own rooms when they get older.

The two older kids (7 and 5) want to share a room, as they did in the last house. They liked their bunkbeds. Everyone is happy with this plan as it will currently give us 2 free rooms - one can be used as an office/spare, the other as a spare. We have large families so extra room is a bonus.

Anyway. Went to look at it again today and I suggested the older two kids share the biggest bedroom (apart from ours). This is an ensuite with fitted wardrobes. The other rooms do not have any fitted wardrobes and are a fair bit smaller.

My DH couldn't believe I was considering it. He said it is for guests...that it is important to give guests privacy...that the kids will be fine in a smaller room...that an ensuite is there for a reason and that reason is guests. (For reference, we will probably have on average 6-8 different family groups or friends per year for a few days at a time).

My reasoning is that our situation is a bit different - our kids want to share so we should give them the biggest room available with the most storage space. Plus it frees up an extra room for us.

Tbh I am a bit pissed off with him being so emphatic. I think priority should be given to permanent residents of the house whatever their age, and the odd overnight house guest here and there can sleep in a comfortable double in a smaller room. But I am willing to be told iabu.

Frankly I think this stems from his mother who is all about appearances and keeping up with the Joneses.

So, AIBU?

OP posts:

Hulababy · 16/08/2016 08:31

If give the larger better rooms to the people who actually live there all the time. So you and the children.

Irregular guests can have the smaller rooms and use the main bathroom. It's not a problem.

Seems madness to have a good room with ensuite staying empty and unused for most of the time!

DeathStare · 16/08/2016 08:34

Death - the OP also has an en suite so would t be running into anyone on the landing

Yes she would. I'm assuming she leaves her bedroom/bathroom at some point in the day?

I don't have an ensuite and rarely have guests now but when I did one of the most cringeworthy experiences was that me and the (then little) DC would usually be up (and dressed) earlier than any guests and getting on with our day when they woke up. So there would be umpteen occasions where guests in their underwear or a towel were having to make polite small talk with me - or even worse a DC who wanted to to tell them a long story - on the landing when they'd just got up and I was going about my day to day life.

APlaceOnTheCouch · 16/08/2016 08:46

It is down to personal preference. Choosing not to give DCs an ensuite isn't just about whether they will deliberately play with water. It's about them forgetting or being unable to turn taps off properly. It's about knowing if they're up during the night to use the bathroom (which I like to know in case they are ill; in case they're waking regularly and it's disturbing their sleep, etc).
Also, again, it's a personal preference but I'd much prefer to give DCs a room that doesn't have fitted wardrobes. I like them to have their own furniture and storage that's easily accessible to them.

grumpysquash3 · 16/08/2016 08:59

Be ready for fight between the DC as to who keeps the en suite and the big room when they no longer wish to share!

Original poster

Namechanged38 · 16/08/2016 09:00

Fair point...I know I must sound patronising - I think it's on top of other similar things in the past.

All valid points..

OP posts:

honeylulu · 16/08/2016 09:10

I would give the children the bigger room with the en suite. I think it's bonkers and rather snobbish to insist that it be reserved for occasional guests.

My parents were like this - it was all about how things looked. They moved into our house when they got married and took the second biggest room. The biggest and nicest room was reserved for guests.
I was born and had the small single room - ok for a baby/toddler. Two years later my sister was born. We then shared the small room. Until I went to secondary school and we both kicked up such a fuss about but wanting to share any more that they grudgingly let my sister (golden child, but that's another story) have the biggest room.

They decided to build an extension which included another large bedroom. I assumed it would be mine but that suggestion was treated with horror - that room was the nicest so it would have to be reserved for guests! (Maybe 2-3 times a year). Even if I had a friend to stay they had to squeeze into my little room. My friends did not count as guests lol! So mainly the lovely new room just gathered dust.

LyndaNotLinda · 16/08/2016 09:20

Oh I see Death. As I said earlier, I wouldn't have anyone in the house who was uncomfortable at being seen in their nightwear when my children were around. If someone is worried about privacy in a family home, they should stay in a hotel. IMHO obviously :)

junebirthdaygirl · 16/08/2016 09:22

Came on to say it may become awkward when kids split up into their own rooms. Who will keep the ensuite one? I find with ensuites as kids get older you are not inclined to go in there as you would the family bathroom every day and they can get messy. Far easier for them to use the family bathroom so you can clean it as you are passing by and generally keep an eye on it. We have moved house a few times and have had an ensuite with an older kid at one stage and never again. I agree with dh but only because it will be easier for you. And no favouritism when eventually kids opt for separate rooms. Also if elderly parents visit an ensuite for closer loo is better during the night.

Mummaaaaaah · 16/08/2016 09:59

Nothing to do with room size or ensures but just a little warning. When we moved house DS (5) had a sink in his room. We had to turn off the water supply to his room as he flooded the whole floor, water was Sri pping through the ceiling and light fittings below. He managed that in under 10 minutes. Good luck!

Mummaaaaaah · 16/08/2016 09:59

Ensuites damn and blast

Mummaaaaaah · 16/08/2016 10:00

Dripping not sr ipping. God I hate my phone.

rollonthesummer · 16/08/2016 10:07

I would definitely give my kids the room with the en suite if I had a mil like that

SabineUndine · 16/08/2016 10:15

Your DH isn't planning to move his mother in, by any chance?

tinyterrors · 16/08/2016 10:17

If all the rooms were similar sizes with similar storage then I'd go with your dh. However it's just plain daft to have the second biggest room with loads of built in storage empty for all but a few weekends a year while there are two permanent residents sharing a smaller bedroom.

Yes it's nice as a guest to have an en suite room but in most cases guests are lucky to get their own room never mind their own bathroom. Heck there's six of us living here, seven when dsd stays, and we have one small family bathroom between us and it's fine.

Ask your dh what he'd do if there was only one en suite bedroom. Would he seriously have a smaller bedroom with no en suite or storage to leave the biggest room for guests that come a few weekends a year?

I'd put the dcs in the other en suite bedroom and when guests stay they can use the family bathroom with the other dc. Presumably the guests will know your dcs well so it's not like they're being asked to share a bathroom for a few days with a random child they've never met.

Inertia · 16/08/2016 23:00

This might be an off-the-wall suggestion, but what's the layout of the rooms like?Is there any way of altering the layout so that the ensuite opens from the smaller double, rather than the big one? The key thing is that the children have the bigger room with lots of storage space, the ensuite is an added complication.

altiara · 16/08/2016 23:52

Definitely use the bigger room for DCs to share- what is the point of having a bigger house if not to use it for your family?! (As in the family that live there, not MIL). Pretty sure 'so guests can have an en-suite' wasn't on your list of must haves!
It wont be forever, when they decide not to share- put them in the smaller rooms for fairness. I think I would've trusted my DCs when age 5 as they're no longer toddlers but you don't have to use the en-suite, you could lock it and keep the key. And then no need to clean! in fact I would have done this as my guest en-suite is a shower room. Why even tell anyone about the en-suite. Just use the family bathroom. Most en-suites are minuscule (although mine isn't, it's bathroom sized so it's fab). And guests don't have to walk around half naked - they could get dressed in the family bathroom.

Flip

1 2 3 4