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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want my kids in the ensuite?

91 replies

Namechanged38 · 15/08/2016 21:29

Disclaimer - I know this is trivial and don't particularly look forward to a chorus of first world problem accusations, which it is. Blush But I'd be interested in hearing some of your opinions.

Background is we are moving house next month into a larger place (5 bedrooms) from a 3 bed semi and have 3 kids. The bedrooms aren't huge but the long-term plan is they can have their own rooms when they get older.

The two older kids (7 and 5) want to share a room, as they did in the last house. They liked their bunkbeds. Everyone is happy with this plan as it will currently give us 2 free rooms - one can be used as an office/spare, the other as a spare. We have large families so extra room is a bonus.

Anyway. Went to look at it again today and I suggested the older two kids share the biggest bedroom (apart from ours). This is an ensuite with fitted wardrobes. The other rooms do not have any fitted wardrobes and are a fair bit smaller.

My DH couldn't believe I was considering it. He said it is for guests...that it is important to give guests privacy...that the kids will be fine in a smaller room...that an ensuite is there for a reason and that reason is guests. (For reference, we will probably have on average 6-8 different family groups or friends per year for a few days at a time).

My reasoning is that our situation is a bit different - our kids want to share so we should give them the biggest room available with the most storage space. Plus it frees up an extra room for us.

Tbh I am a bit pissed off with him being so emphatic. I think priority should be given to permanent residents of the house whatever their age, and the odd overnight house guest here and there can sleep in a comfortable double in a smaller room. But I am willing to be told iabu.

Frankly I think this stems from his mother who is all about appearances and keeping up with the Joneses.

So, AIBU?

OP posts:
Lokisglowstickofdestiny · 15/08/2016 22:21

Permenant residents get the best rooms. Your guests can use the family bathroom.

Original poster
Namechanged38 · 15/08/2016 22:31

He now says he is happy to let the kids use another room as a playroom...but I forsee endless streams of toys being carted between rooms and me stepping on lego.

OP posts:
FabFiveFreddie · 15/08/2016 22:39

Bugger. Well, that's backfired.

Are DC the same sex?

Do smaller rooms have any redeeming features for guests (view, quieter, away from kids)? What about having to pay for storage in smaller rooms?

Tbh, at 7 and 5 I wonder how long your kids are going to want to share and be able to (homework). Then you'll have the argument over who gets to stay in the big room...

SlightlyperturbedOwl · 15/08/2016 22:43

You could just try both configurations and see which works best? And leave the toys strewn between the small rooms until it annoys him

Original poster
Namechanged38 · 15/08/2016 22:45

Yes true...they want to share now but eventually will want their own.

This is too tiring Confused I am more worried about why it is sooooo important to him the kids (girls yes, same sex) don't stay in that room. Like a need to impress?

OP posts:
Fiona80 · 15/08/2016 22:46

Seriously if guests are not comfortable using the main bathroom then they really should be staying in a hotel. Giving them an ensuite would make them too comfortable and maybe make visits more often and longer.

SlightlyperturbedOwl · 15/08/2016 22:48

Yes! You could maybe moot that your parents are thrilled about the ensuite as they will feel comfortable staying for a few weeks at a time

HarryPottersMagicWand · 15/08/2016 22:50

So basically, because your DH is a snob, your DCs need to squeeze into a much smaller room with muchness storage, use another room so you lose a study as well which is also going to means toys everywhere and 2 children's spaces to keep tidy, just to keep a large room empty for the odd guest?

Nope, wouldn't be happening. I'd be annoyed at the waste of the storage tbh. There is a fab cupboard in DS's room, floor to ceiling shelves that I can shut the door on and his room looks tidy and somewhere to keep his stuff. I'd take a room with storage any day, en suite is a bonus.

Nofunkingworriesmate · 15/08/2016 22:56

How about a compromise?
Kids get their ensuite room ( btw I learnt to clean a bathroom at this age!)
But if they slept in two singles and moved out when guest came?
Would mean no bunk beds
May mean a more grown up neutral decoration in that room?

Original poster
Namechanged38 · 15/08/2016 22:59

Harry yes...I think it boils down to the fact he is a snob. God his mother has ingrained it in him. Sad

I already had to tell him that I wouldn't be going mad over them eating crisps on the new sofa for example. Things clean. Life is too short. He gets worked up about some things like that and I hear his mother's disembodied voice coming from his mouth Shock

OP posts:
Ladymuck · 15/08/2016 22:59

Whilst I'm unconvinced by your dh's reasoning, I am wondering what happens when/if your eldest 2 no longer want to share a bedroom (which may happen when the eldest hits puberty which may not be that far away). How do you decide who loses the ensuite?

TheLittlestBear · 15/08/2016 23:02

Are the kids going to eventually want their own rooms and then fight about who gets to keep the biggest room with the ensuite? I'd bear this in mind for the future... Unless at this point, they each take a smaller room and the ensuite becomes the guest room.

Happyhippy45 · 15/08/2016 23:03

Our en suite bedroom was reserved for our daughter with a long term mental health condition (and visitors.) When it became apparent that she wasn't going to live at home anymore we moved in to that room. Pissed off the grandparents a bit but hey.........they don't live here year round.
Don't accommodate guests that are rarely there.

TheLittlestBear · 15/08/2016 23:03

Sorry LadyMuck. Great minds....

Benedikte2 · 15/08/2016 23:05

Tell him the ensure bedroom can revert to a guest room after the girls move into the smaller rooms when they want privacy

APlaceOnTheCouch · 15/08/2016 23:12

I'm not sure tbh. I wouldn't want my DCs to have easy access to water at all times. Purely because I remember how much mischief I got up to when I was younger ie drinking water, spilling water, trying to have tea parties in the dark Confused
I'd also prefer to separate their bedroom from their playroom.
So, nothing to do with Hyacinth tendencies but my preference would be that the DCS didn't have the other ensuite.

Inertia · 15/08/2016 23:16

Once they want their own rooms they can move to two smaller rooms, and the ensuite room could become a guest room / study then.

Teenagers don't have the huge volume of toys that younger children have, so storage is less likely to be an issue.

Another thought, which may become relevant as your youngest gets bigger - as it's a 5 bedroom house there's probably a significant amount of downstairs space too. Is there a downstairs room which could be used as a playroom for all the toys?

Shanster · 15/08/2016 23:27

The kids should get the ensuite, you don't want to encourage guests to stay too long! That said, my kids share a 'jack and jill bathroom' - each bedroom has a door into the same bathroom. I just decorated it, and installed a nice shower for them and will they use it? Nope, they insist on having baths and showers in my ensuite.

Lovelydiscusfish · 15/08/2016 23:27

We have just moved, from a tiny cottage, to a house with two en suites. In what is perhaps an unusual move, we have given one en suite to our dd, and set aside one as a guest room. I love the idea of dd having a bathroom attached to her bedroom as she gets older (both for privacy and sleepover reasons. And like the idea of guests having use of their own bathroom (or, in fact, shower room) too. We are happy to use the main bathroom, which is next to our bedroom anyway. Dh has said once or twice that he prefers the en suites, but doesn't seem to bothered.
Sorry, essentially rambling. YANBU unreasonable, OP.

Lovelydiscusfish · 15/08/2016 23:29

And storage is bloody important, for little ones. Dd's room has tonnes of built-in storage, unlike all the other rooms in our new house. Huge result, as she has tonnes of stuff! (Board games, tubs of My Little Pony ephemera, and the like).

Original poster
Namechanged38 · 16/08/2016 07:33

Thanks again for opinions.

Have slept on it and still sure that the ensuite is the best idea. We haven't even started buying wardrobes etc yet, so where he thinks all their stuff will go until that arrives I don't know.

Tbh this has made me see another side to him and one I don't particularly like. Becausr I think his reasoning is all about appearances and he will also be thinking how the hell he is going to explain to MIL she doesn't have a ensuite when the gasp children do. What on earth are they thinking of?!

I said MIL can have that room whenever, as the thought was obviously stressing him out. Went down like a lead balloon.

Thanks again for all your thoughts. Love mumsnet Flowers

OP posts:
delilahbucket · 16/08/2016 07:46

Yanbu. We have an on ensuite in our bedroom which ds (8) uses too. His bedroom is next door to the house bathroom and so as he gets older he will use this one instead. We don't tend to have people sleeping over. Never mind them wanting privacy, I like mine!

DeathStare · 16/08/2016 08:05

I'm going to go against the grain here but I personally would feel the same as your DH. And it would have nothing to do with appearances.

I wouldn't want a 5 year old having an en suite as I've known too many bath-flooding type accidents when children have had en suites or at the very least DC making an absolute mess in their en suite. I've known three separate friends swap their DC's bedrooms purely to get rid of their young DC having an en suite because what they thought would be a good idea at the time, turned out to be a pain in the backside in practice.

Also I think guests 6-8 times a year is a lot (I probably have guests every three or four years) and I would like to be able to give them some space - not for appearances sake but because it gives me space too if that makes sense. If it would avoid me running into MIL (or whoever) in their underwear on the landing it sounds good to me.

And as someone else pointed out, if the en suite is the guest bathroom it needs cleaning a lot less frequently.

It also means that once the DC are in bed there are more bathrooms that are accessible. So if you had a guest and you were all getting ready to go out your en suite, the guest en suite and the family bathroom are all available for you, your DH and the guest to use. If you have a group of friends round for the evening and the main bathroom is in use, you can send them to a guest en suite (if nobody is staying) but you can't send them through your DC's bedroom.

But.... I don't think there is one right or wrong answer, and I don't think yabu for wanting something different. Where I do feel yabu is that you seem a bit judgey and condescending about how your DH feels; as if your way is obviously the right way and he should realise that. I don't think that there is one right answer and I don't think either of your points are unreasonable.

I think the two of you could argue about this until you are blue in the face and there is still not going to be a "right" answer, and doing that could really take the shine off moving into your new home. Why not just toss a coin?

LyndaNotLinda · 16/08/2016 08:13

Death - the OP also has an en suite so would t be running into anyone on the landing.

As for the children mucking about with the water, I suppose it depends on the children. Mine wouldn't

Arfarfanarf · 16/08/2016 08:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.