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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want my kids in the ensuite?

91 replies

Namechanged38 · 15/08/2016 21:29

Disclaimer - I know this is trivial and don't particularly look forward to a chorus of first world problem accusations, which it is. Blush But I'd be interested in hearing some of your opinions.

Background is we are moving house next month into a larger place (5 bedrooms) from a 3 bed semi and have 3 kids. The bedrooms aren't huge but the long-term plan is they can have their own rooms when they get older.

The two older kids (7 and 5) want to share a room, as they did in the last house. They liked their bunkbeds. Everyone is happy with this plan as it will currently give us 2 free rooms - one can be used as an office/spare, the other as a spare. We have large families so extra room is a bonus.

Anyway. Went to look at it again today and I suggested the older two kids share the biggest bedroom (apart from ours). This is an ensuite with fitted wardrobes. The other rooms do not have any fitted wardrobes and are a fair bit smaller.

My DH couldn't believe I was considering it. He said it is for guests...that it is important to give guests privacy...that the kids will be fine in a smaller room...that an ensuite is there for a reason and that reason is guests. (For reference, we will probably have on average 6-8 different family groups or friends per year for a few days at a time).

My reasoning is that our situation is a bit different - our kids want to share so we should give them the biggest room available with the most storage space. Plus it frees up an extra room for us.

Tbh I am a bit pissed off with him being so emphatic. I think priority should be given to permanent residents of the house whatever their age, and the odd overnight house guest here and there can sleep in a comfortable double in a smaller room. But I am willing to be told iabu.

Frankly I think this stems from his mother who is all about appearances and keeping up with the Joneses.

So, AIBU?

OP posts:
HeddaGarbled · 15/08/2016 21:51

I must have Hyacinth Bouquet tendencies because I would save the room with the en-suite for guests too, so long as one of the other bedrooms was a reasonable size for the bunk beds.

You have another spare bedroom which could be a playroom which means the shared children's bedroom wouldn't get too cluttered.

Different if the children are teenagers but an en-suite is wasted on small children.

BennyTheBall · 15/08/2016 21:51

Hmmm - I think I am with your dh, but it depends perhaps on how often you have weekend guests.

I like guests to have a large comfy room with an ensuite.

If you don't have guests most weekends, he is probably BU.

HarryPottersMagicWand · 15/08/2016 21:52

YANBU. Your DH is being ridiculous. I never understand people who put occasional guests above people (of any age) who live there!

MadamDeathstare · 15/08/2016 21:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cherryplumbanana · 15/08/2016 21:52

I agree with you, and would give the best room to permanent residents. However, I wouldn't trust my 5yo with an en-suite (but that's just mine). No way would I leave any of mine near a direct source of water until they are older.

My children are lovely, really. sigh...

specialsubject · 15/08/2016 21:53

Everybody could always move around when guests are there. Used to happen when i was a kid - dont recall a problem!

NapQueen · 15/08/2016 21:53

Give the two kids the ensuite.

When guests come insist the third kid uses either your or kids ensuite so the family bathroom becomes solely for the guests use.

thebakerwithboobs · 15/08/2016 21:54

Compromise and put your children in there then just have them vacate when visitors come?

Namechanged38 · 15/08/2016 21:55

I would love to offer guests that room but the kids would be in a pretty small room - ok but tight - and I want them to have more space than they did before...room for their Sylvanian family house, table for lego/drawing etc. They wouldn't have room for that in any of the other rooms.

OP posts:
Sara107 · 15/08/2016 21:56

Give the kids the ensuite. When guests come, ask the third DC to use one of the ensuites and then the guests will have sole use of the main bathroom. Just as nice as having an ensuite really!

Namechanged38 · 15/08/2016 21:57

Urgh just realised how many times I said room in that post..sorry

OP posts:
dontcallmethatyoucunt · 15/08/2016 21:57

We leave our guests the ensuite. I prefer to keep them contained and we wander the landings in our PJ's!

LyndaNotLinda · 15/08/2016 21:58

If your kids all use the ensuite when guests come, then the 'family' bathroom is a guest bathroom. And I don't have anyone staying in my house with my children that feels uncomfortable walking around in their PJs. If you're that concerned about privacy, stay in a hotel.

YelloDraw · 15/08/2016 21:58

Any guests you have staying should be good enough friends to use the family bathroom!

Kids get the ensuite. When you have guests, the other kid can use your bathroom or the kids ensure so freeing up be 'family bathroom' for the guests to have sole use of.

CotswoldStrife · 15/08/2016 22:02

No ensuite involved here (there's only one and that is in our room) but DH suggested putting our DD in a small bedroom - I also pointed out that she lives here all the time so deserves the bigger room. We hardly ever have guests anymore anyway!

greathat · 15/08/2016 22:03

Unless you have guests every single day you don't give them the ensuite. If you've got one - you use it!

ITCouldBeWorse · 15/08/2016 22:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mycatsabastard · 15/08/2016 22:03

We have a three bed house with one bathroom and a downstairs loo.

If we have guests, we give up our room and sleep on the sofa. Or they go in DD2's room and DD2 comes in with us or in with teen. We just muddle through.

Your DH is being ridiculous. On his basis, me and dp should sleep on the sofa permanently in case we have guests who would like our room as it's next to the bathroom.

Give it to the kids. Get it decorated for them asap so he can't stick guests in there or make them move.

GinIsIn · 15/08/2016 22:04

Why don't you ask the kids which room they like best? When we were little my brother always wanted the smallest, coziest bedroom and hated the idea of an en suite in case my mum tried to make him wash more, whereas I always got the biggest bedroom because I had loads of books and my room was where the family dogs liked to hang out so the extra space was handy. You may find the children prefer the smaller room....

Inertia · 15/08/2016 22:07

I was going to suggest what Napqueen said - let your children share the room with ensuite, and have the youngest use your ensuite when guests visit.

That means that:

  • The main bathroom will stay clean for visitors who are just there for the day rather than staying
  • Overnight guests will still have a bathroom to themselves, just not every day
  • You'll still have a study to work in even if you have visitors
  • If you end up with visitors in the study bedroom as well as the spare room, then all visitors can share the main bathroom, rather than one set of visitors sharing a bathroom with the children while the others get the ensuite. If they're there at the same time, the visitors are probably the same family anyway.

If DH is insistent on this room being a guest room, I would be inclined to give the children the master bedroom and you and DH share the 3Rd bedroom.

manicinsomniac · 15/08/2016 22:07

YANBU at all - what a waste of an en suite to have it hardly ever used.

I've never lived or stayed in a house with an ensuite and would never expect one. Give it to your kids!

Inertia · 15/08/2016 22:09

Sorry, that should say en suite not every day!

FabFiveFreddie · 15/08/2016 22:13

Setting aside how much I hate en suites, unless there is a dressing are type space between them and the bathroom, maybe ask your DH what he thinks about kids using a small bedroom as theirs to sleep in and another small bedroom as a playroom (leaves only the guest room + en suite, right?). Would he be prepared to give up that office space? (I'm assuming you'd be okay with that just for the purpose of winning the argument).

suit2845321oie · 15/08/2016 22:15

Ensuite is for the parents!!! I wouldn't waste it on my kids or a guest for anyone

Rollonbedtime7pm · 15/08/2016 22:16

I hate this - this is your kids' home, who cares if guests would probably prefer an en suite?! They can stay in a bloody hotel then!

Def let the kids have the room! Smile