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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have told this kid to go back to his parents?

109 replies

PeachesAndDerek · 15/08/2016 18:26

Met up with DH for lunch today. Idea was we'd have a nice hour to ourselves to sit and enjoy a coffee and a bite to eat. As we arrived so did another family, two adults, a boy around 5ish and a baby. So DH and I start chatting, lovely conversation until this boy comes across and shows us his new toy. "That's nice!" I say with a smile and then turn back to DH to carry on our conversation. The boy then starts trying to climb up on one of the chairs at our table, all the while knocking the table all over and splashing our drinks around. I looked across at his parents and the gormless woman smiled and said to her husband "aww look at him with that couple!". Now by this point I'm getting irritated, DH is losing interest in our conversation and has started playing in his phone as I have become preoccupied with trying to stop this kid from falling off the chair whilst trying to save what's left of our drinks. In the end I say to him "don't climb on there, that's your table over there" and point to his parents. He ignores me and starts playing with his car on the table. I look across at his parents, both having a nice conversation just like the one DH and I WERE having so out of pure frustration I picked the kid up, took him to his parents and said "sorry I'm just worried he's going to fall off the chair of spill coffee on himself" and leave him. The kid starts screaming, the parents get all flustered and DH decides to call it a day and go back to work!!! Be honest wibu here?? I'm still irritated by the whole thing now

OP posts:
DoinItFine · 15/08/2016 22:02

I have a kid who likes to make friends when she goes out and sees no reason adults can't be her friend.

It can be really hard to get her to leave people alone.

I do it, but it can be super awkward at times.

People are like "no, she's fine. We're having a great chat."

And I'm thinking "she'll still be blathering on in an hour if you encourage her. And what about the next strangers she encounters? Do me, you, and all other adults a favour by teaching her that not everyone finds her stories as enthralling as her parents pretend to do." Grin

The worst behaviour at you table was not the little boy's, in this instance.

Willow2016 · 15/08/2016 23:03

YANBU
I would have done the same. And I would have picked them up off the chair and plonked them down and walked them smartly back to their parents.

What the heck is all this horror at removing a child from the table you are sitting at? He had no business to be there, the parents had no business to let him climb up in the first place, so if they were quite happy for him to join complete strangers at their table then there should be no problem with said strangers 'unjoining' him.

OP didnt drag him off by the hair ffs! This 'dont you dare touch my child' culture is partly to blame for all the entitled kids (and rubbish parents) who think they can get away with murder and nobody can touch them for it. Why should people have to sit (and have their nice time out spoilt) and wait for someone to get off their arse and get their own kid?

Then if he had been someones child running onto a busy road I suppose it would have been 'ok' to 'touch' him then...

But your dh was acting like a bigger kid...time he grew up. I would be more annoyed at his behaviour than anything else.

maddiemookins16mum · 15/08/2016 23:50

Only on MN do people get "offended" or think their kids have been violated in some way when another mum removes their snotty, smelly toddler back on to the knee of the parent/carer to whom it belings.

maddiemookins16mum · 15/08/2016 23:55

Oh come on, your child at another familys dining table (blathering on etc), is just us being polite. Take her away please.

PrimalLass · 15/08/2016 23:59

imo you shouldn't pick up kids without their parents permission - I'd have been pretty angry if I was his mother.

See? People really are that blinkered and entitled.

YourNewspaperIsShit · 15/08/2016 23:59

I'm usually on the "don't touch my child" bandwagon however the was a totally acceptable reason to touch and remove someone's child because the parents were being irresponsible drips. YANBU and I have a toddler and wouldn't have even lasted as long as you did with him at the table. I also wouldn't have been as nice to the parents when depositing him Grin

YourNewspaperIsShit · 16/08/2016 00:00

You lose the right to be angry that someone has picked up your kid when you weren't looking after them in the first place.

DoinItFine · 16/08/2016 00:02

Can't you read?

I do take her away.

But it is not at all polite to tell a small child that you are enjoying talking to them when their parent is in the process of removing them.

It's actually pretty damned rude.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 16/08/2016 00:05

Are we playing nicely.or shall I get my popcorn out.Grin

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 16/08/2016 00:05

Oops strike out fail. AAAARRRRRGGGGHHH

BodsAuntieFlo · 16/08/2016 00:20

It can be really hard to get her to leave people alone

I do it, but it can be super awkward at times

Really? Hmm FFS

"You do not bother people"
"You do NOT do that"

What's so bloody hard?

Ps, I as well as many other posters can read perfectly well thank you.

meck · 16/08/2016 00:28

Your dh's behaviour would have irked me more than the child's Playing on his phone and losing interest indeed! How grown up.
I'd be sorting that one out.

I;ve forgotten the point of the OP now Grin Children can be unpredictable, yes, safer not to pick them up. Just holler to the parents

bumsexatthebingo · 16/08/2016 00:39

I don't think children should never be touched but in this case it was unnecessary. I wouldn't just scoop up a child I didn't know and carry them off and plonk them somewhere when I could just speak to their parents. Why frighten a child for no reason?

PurpleCrazyHorse · 16/08/2016 02:30

If a parent doesn't want me to pick up their child then they shouldn't leave me 'looking after' them!

DixieWishbone · 16/08/2016 02:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheSilverChair · 16/08/2016 05:41

But it is not at all polite to tell a small child that you are enjoying talking to them when their parent is in the process of removing them. It's actually pretty damned rude.

It's pretty damned rude to let that happen in the first place.

Idrinkandiknowstuff · 16/08/2016 06:55

We were on holiday at a large caravan park. It was a fairly chilly day, but we were sat outside the bar as we have a big old dog. He's a kid magnet, but luckily bomb proof.

A kid, was outside with his mother who was having a cig. He came running over to pet the dog (without checking it was ok, but that's another story) then plonked himself at our table. His mother shouted across, be good for the lady, and fucked off inside the bar Shock we were speechless.

Foslady · 16/08/2016 07:28

And this is why when I used to have a massive handbag when dd was little that had a small box of crayons, a note book and a couple of books/comics in and I would sit and talk with her (quietly) myself. I was also choosy about which cafes I would take her into - no point taking her to a 'ladies that lunch' type one, neither party would have appreciated it. To me the treat was a cuppa that I hadn't had to make, not child free time. but no doubt someone will come along and say bully for me my child isn't like that. So your child refuses to interact with you?

DoinItFine · 16/08/2016 07:36

It's pretty damned rude to let that happen in the first place.

It's rude to allow a child to interact with other humans when out in public? Hmm

I think if you hate people so much that you think it is rude for them to talk to you that perhaps you should never leave your home.

DoinItFine · 16/08/2016 07:42

What's so bloody hard?

Nothing.

That's what I do.

And it works.

I was just being conversational about a situation that arises.

I forgot how utterly cunty MN was.

Like the kid walking up and petting the dog without asking.

Not helped by all the dog owners who let their dogs jump all over my kids.

We don't parent in a vacuum.

Children get messages from other people.

One of which is that they like talking to them.

Another of which is that it is expected for them.to pet strange dogs they see in public.

MrsWembley · 16/08/2016 08:03
LittleLionMansMummy · 16/08/2016 08:04

I probably wouldn't have picked the child up, but neither would I have been so polite to the parents. I'd have gone over to them and asked them to retrieve their child because I was trying to enjoy lunch with my dh. I have a 5yo ds who loves to chat to other people and is very outgoing. However in this situation I'd have told him not to bother them as they were clearly trying to enjoy a peaceful lunch. Kids hanging around dinner tables is just something that's a big no no for us. Ywnbu but I think you should have been more direct with the parents.

Waltermittythesequel · 16/08/2016 08:25

Hoe are all these children in the position to be so chatty in the first place?

Genuinely.

If I'm out to eat with my dc they stay with me the whole time. They simply don't get the opportunity to approach people requiring removal.

OpenMe · 16/08/2016 08:25

Wouldn't being picked up by a stranger, especially a slightly cross stranger. have made most children cry? Better to have actually spoken to the parents as a first option I would have thought.

But yes, Dh, is the main issue here

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 16/08/2016 08:40

I think I'd have blanked the child and called over to his Parents to sort it out.

I wouldn't have picked him up and taken him back to them, they would have to get off their arses.