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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have told this kid to go back to his parents?

109 replies

PeachesAndDerek · 15/08/2016 18:26

Met up with DH for lunch today. Idea was we'd have a nice hour to ourselves to sit and enjoy a coffee and a bite to eat. As we arrived so did another family, two adults, a boy around 5ish and a baby. So DH and I start chatting, lovely conversation until this boy comes across and shows us his new toy. "That's nice!" I say with a smile and then turn back to DH to carry on our conversation. The boy then starts trying to climb up on one of the chairs at our table, all the while knocking the table all over and splashing our drinks around. I looked across at his parents and the gormless woman smiled and said to her husband "aww look at him with that couple!". Now by this point I'm getting irritated, DH is losing interest in our conversation and has started playing in his phone as I have become preoccupied with trying to stop this kid from falling off the chair whilst trying to save what's left of our drinks. In the end I say to him "don't climb on there, that's your table over there" and point to his parents. He ignores me and starts playing with his car on the table. I look across at his parents, both having a nice conversation just like the one DH and I WERE having so out of pure frustration I picked the kid up, took him to his parents and said "sorry I'm just worried he's going to fall off the chair of spill coffee on himself" and leave him. The kid starts screaming, the parents get all flustered and DH decides to call it a day and go back to work!!! Be honest wibu here?? I'm still irritated by the whole thing now

OP posts:
RestlessTraveller · 15/08/2016 19:03

You were absolutely not unreasonable and I don't know why porpoise are so shocked you picked him up, it's exactly
What I would have done. However why do you have to work so hard to get your DH's attention he sounds like a knob.

Waltermittythesequel · 15/08/2016 19:03

YWNBU at all and I can't imagine anyone thinking you were.

Your husband, however, sounds like a right twat.

maddiemookins16mum · 15/08/2016 19:04

How selfish of them!!! Not sure what was wrong with taking him back either (you should have had him tucked under your arm for good measure!!!).

PurpleTango · 15/08/2016 19:04

YADNBU. Its about time parents took responsiblility for their offspring. There is nothing like leaving your (my) kids with a babysitter and going out for some adult time and ending up with someone else's sprog, demanding attention and drooling all over your table whilst the parents sit their and smile! Ugh!

dancetilldawn · 15/08/2016 19:04

You could have said you'd just managed to catch him as he was about to fall.What a stupid couple thinking other people want someone else's kid pestering them during a meal.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 15/08/2016 19:06

Loving the shocked porpoises, Restless Grin

RestlessTraveller · 15/08/2016 19:08

Oops! Although I WOULD LOVE to see a shocked porpoise!

RestlessTraveller · 15/08/2016 19:09

Clearly not a porpoise that's had a big shock, like running into a killer whale. That would be awful! Just a little shock, like it's mate sneaking up it.

TheSilverChair · 15/08/2016 19:11

I absolutely hate wandering children in pubs and cafes. I'm so afraid they are going to trip up a server or pull something hot on themselves.

APlaceOnTheCouch · 15/08/2016 19:13

YWNBU I would have taken him back or moved tables tbh. If I'm enjoying child-free time, I don't want to be bothered by other people's DCs.
I don't understand why your DH acted as he did. I'm wondering if your stress about the child was increased because you knew your DH was losing interest and likely to leave?

RaspberryOverload · 15/08/2016 19:17

YANBU, and the other parents shouldn't have let him bother you.

But your DH seems to be a bit of a twat. He didn't help you in getting the child to disengage, and just left you to it, going off in a huff as if it's your fault. I'd be having words there.

If I'm out at a coffee shop, restaurant, cafe, whatever, I don't want other people's kids interrupting.

maisiejones Your colleague would get a bit of a shock if her kid came near me. The only "development" that i'd provide would be in how to understand directions as I sent him straight back to his mother.

CurlyMoo · 15/08/2016 19:25

The problem is that some parents think they are doing you a favour by letting you spend time with their utterly adorable child.

On a gentle parenting different forum there was a mum who posted about how aggrieved she was that people in shops/restaurants/out and about didn't give her 4 year old son quality time when he wanted to talk to them. She was lamenting and hand wringing about how she was worried that it would affect his self-esteem and the heart breaking inequality this was against children, as if a strange adult came and wanted to talk whilst you were having dinner then you would not turn them away Hmm

AlpacaPicnic · 15/08/2016 19:33

I fantasise about teaching the little intruders my best selection of swear words, not aggressively but in a 'go and tell mummy she's a selfish twat' kind of way...

Although I've got a pretty good death stare myself so I normally just roll that out.

TheWitTank · 15/08/2016 19:38

Yanbu -I would have done the same. Your DH sounds like a bit of an immature twat though -losing interest, getting fed up -you speak about him like he is a child you are trying to keep entertained!

OpenMe · 15/08/2016 19:43

I'd be mildly annoyed too although don't think I'd have been brave enough to pick him up. I certainly wouldn't have allowed my dc to do it.

Agree with others though, that it seems to have been an issue for you mainly because of the fear of losing your Dh's attention. He was actually very rude to you. It can't be right to feel so grateful for a few minutes of his time.

shinynewusername · 15/08/2016 19:43

YANBU but agree with all the PPs about your DH. Do you always have to entertain him so that he doesn't get bored and piss off?

BabyGanoush · 15/08/2016 19:47

Am I the only one who thinks DH is a bit of a dick in this scenario?

Are you responsible for things being "just so" or else he buggers off?

Such a non-incident! Surely you and DH could have both moved the kid back to his parents, then continued the conversation?

paddypants13 · 15/08/2016 19:48

This made me inwardly cringe. My dd is a chatterbox and will latch onto people. No matter how much we tell her off or try to distract her it doesn't work!

YWNBU op and I agree with pp that ur dh overreacted.

HermioneWeasley · 15/08/2016 19:54

NBU at all. I dislike children. I genuinely can't bear when this happens in restaurants, especially when you don't have kids with you

MadamDeathstare · 15/08/2016 19:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 15/08/2016 19:54

YWNBU at all. The parents were VVVU and your DH is an U tosser

gillybeanz · 15/08/2016 19:58

I hate parents who allow kids to do this and wouldn't have allowed mine to.
Your dh sounds hard work though, losing interest in your conversation.
Then going back to work?
Is he always like this?

Batteriesallgone · 15/08/2016 19:59

Ergh. Touching other people's children. Yuk. Could have caught nits or anything ;) practice the teacher death stare.

Ragwort · 15/08/2016 20:06

YANBU at all; we experienced something similar recently - lovely child free day and we were having lunch in a nice cafe - the area upstairs was huge and there were only two tables being used - one with a largish group of children and adults - so we sat at the other end of the room. The children then started running up and down the room, shrieking and generally playing making a nuisance of themselves loudly. As usual the parents just looking on indulgently ............ at one point they started playing hide and seek under our table - I was not at all amused and gave them the death stare but also told them, in a very strict voice, to stop what they were doing and go back to their own table.

Who are these parents who don't control their children in public, because no one will ever admit that they allow their children to behave like this- but clearly lots of parents do.

BodsAuntieFlo · 15/08/2016 20:11

Was it a day for unruly children I wonder? I met DIL with the DGC for lunch today and there was a little boy around 5 chasing his friend/sibling of about the same age around the tables. He tripped on a lady's bag sitting opposite us, fell into our table and the drinks went flying over SIL, DGC 2 (who she was feeding) and DGC 1. Thank goodness there was no hot drinks or they'd all have been scalded. The adult with him comes from round the corner obviously after hearing the commotion as he was screaming, DGC 2 was screaming and baby was screaming. I was furious. DIL was nearly in tears. I've yet to hear an apology from the adult who was with him. I may have told her in a rather loud voice to control her child in future It spoiled a really lovely day out and I'm still so glad we had no hot drinks on the table.

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