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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think DH should work DC first Christmas

110 replies

Dancedog · 15/08/2016 16:01

Sorry for the ridiculously early Christmas thread.

DHs job isn't one which could close for Christmas. So only a certain amount of people can book the day off. The rest of the staff are either scheduled to work Christmas or they aren't depending on their shift pattern. However as everyone in the department is quite close those who aren't parents swap with those who are so that parents get Christmas off.

DH has worked Christmas for years now. We have a routine where we celebrate Christmas with his family on boxing day which works well.

However I am due to have our first DC at the end of September so it will be DCs first Christmas. But DC will only be a few months old and will have no idea.

DH's department got their work shift plan for the next year and DH wouldn't have to work Christmas however we discussed it and checked with his family and decided that he should work it as the baby won't know any better and we aren't planning on buying the baby (or ourselves) any big presents to open as we are already spending loads getting ready for the baby.

So DH went to work today to sort it and swap shifts with a parent.

My friends were here this morning when DH text me to tell me that he has swapped to work Christmas. Friend A who has a couple of DCs was horrified that DH was missing the first Christmas and was convinced that DC would notice and be upset. When I was unconvinced she said that the DC will be upset when they are older as we won't have real first Christmas pictures as most of them will be taken on boxing day.

Friend B has just had her first and kept telling me that I will really regret this when I actually have the baby. She and friend C kept telling me that I will regret this once DC is here and I will never get to experience the first family Christmas again. They all agreed that they could never do it.

I'm worried now. Have I totally messed this up? I figured it just made sense to give a parent with DCs who actually know that it's Christmas a chance to celebrate it. I'm worried that it will be a massive regret once DC is here.

So are we being unreasonable to arrange for DH to work Christmas and will I regret it.

OP posts:

Gazelda · 15/08/2016 16:57

You seem very sensible parents-to-be.
You can still (if you want) do the night before Christmas traditions, get a 'first Christmas' bib, etc. Will your DH be able to have a meal with you on 25th? Or open a pressie together in bed before he goes to work? Or read a Christmas story book to baby when he gets in that evening/after shift?

SpotOfWeather · 15/08/2016 17:01

It's quite bizarre to think that the baby will notice, understand or care. Or that the baby will grow up into an adult investigating the circumstances of their first Christmas.

Although if it's a problem for parents - as it seems it would be for the Friends A and B - then I think it's reasonable for them to take a day off.

I worked most Christmas Eves for similar reasons and it never crossed my mind to regret it.

APlaceOnTheCouch · 15/08/2016 17:03

I don't think your baby will be bothered in the slighest that their first Christmas photos were taken on Boxing Day. I have a raft of first Christmas photos but no idea of the actual day they were taken iyswim

Assuming that your friends are usually supportive then I'd think that either this is just something where they have a completely different approach or they are just concerned that once baby comes, you change your mind. What I would say to that is, there were lots of things I felt one way about prior to having DC and then felt completely differently about once I'd had DC. The problem is that it's impossible to tell in advance which issues they are.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 15/08/2016 17:06

I am absolutely amazed that any workplace practices such out of date holiday allocation policies. Are you living in the 1970s OP?

The work place doesn't, the workers by agreement if they choose to do.

That's called being plesant

MTWTFSS · 15/08/2016 17:07

When my children were less than 3 years, we took photographs and lied of what events took place

useyourimagination · 15/08/2016 17:10

To be honest, I can't remember my DCs first Christmases so it's highly unlikely they can remember them. YANBU.

trafalgargal · 15/08/2016 17:11

LOL
Some bonkers replies on here and from your friends.
Of course some people have to work over Christmas ......and yes it is noticed who doesn't get all entitled over it and if someone who hasn't worked it pre kids that gets noticed too....just as the childless who book it just because they want to get wasted are noticed and judged for it too.

I've worked part of Christmas Day , it isn't a big deal and with kids now grown up I feel the true Christmas spirit is to work it so someone with kids young enough that Christmas is special and not just one big commercial thing can not have to work. People did it for me when mine were small, now it's my turn to continue that tradition.

I think you are wise to "bank" this year OP. It'll be more important in future years to try and have the day.

JacquelineChan · 15/08/2016 17:11

Here's me thinking Christmas is about ''good will to all men'' - IE showing kindness , just like your husband is doing.

remind your friends that the true meaning of Christmas is not presents/ photos/ facebook look at me etc.

Rant over lol

JacquelineChan · 15/08/2016 17:12

Sorry trafalgar you just said it in your PP

And I agree !

mathanxiety · 15/08/2016 17:13

YANBU. Stick to the working Christmas idea. I think it's great that the workplace can be flexible (it's not done by some cold rota or by picking straws) and people there are decent to each other.

Your friends are being a little silly.

meg54 · 15/08/2016 17:13

I worked with a guy who had his DS's 3rd birthday moved forward one week so he could see his football team in the cup final. (they lost)
DS is now ten and prefers to celebrate his 'nominated' birthdate rather than his natural day - he just thinks it's more cool...............

PurpleDaisies · 15/08/2016 17:16

Of course some people have to work over Christmas ......and yes it is noticed who doesn't get all entitled over it and if someone who hasn't worked it pre kids that gets noticed too....just as the childless who book it just because they want to get wasted are noticed and judged for it too.

Childless people book Christmas off to get wasted? Never come across one of those. Most people I know just want to spend it with family, regardless of whether they've had children or not. Anyone is entitled to ask for Christmas off for whatever reason they like. They shouldn't even have to give a reason. Workplaces need a fair system so no one gets priority for time off at Christmas/school holidays.

Op if your dh is happy not to have Christmas at home that's an absolutely reasonable choice to make. Your friends are out of order to judge you.

AyOhRiver · 15/08/2016 17:22

DD was born, early and unexpected, on Christmas Eve. We did all the first Christmas stuff the following year when she was one and she still had no clue what was happening. Your DC won't either.

jobrum · 15/08/2016 17:23

My dd was 11 months at her first Christmas. "Opened" two presents then needed a nap. It was nice for us to open lovely presents from generous relatived but we knew she had no idea. Better for you to save your dh swapping a Christmas shift for a first Christmas in a couple of years time when your baby will actually enjoy presents and the idea of Christmas.

JohnLithgowsLargeForehead · 15/08/2016 17:23

My DS was two last Christmas and didn't have a clue, your baby will be none the wiser!

bluebeck · 15/08/2016 17:24

There's an awful lot of parental entitlement on this thread.

Before I had DC I used to go home for Christmas (abroad) and there is no way I would have wanted to swap with someone else just because they had given birth.

And none of my colleagues were ever rude/entitled enough to ask. It was always done on strict rotation, so more or less year on/year off.

That was fair.

headinthecloud · 15/08/2016 17:30

What a nice thing for you and your DH to do for people with older children. You sound really nice reasonable people and I hope the favour is repaid in years to come.

tinyterrors · 15/08/2016 17:34

Yanbu and your friends are nuts.

Ime the eldest child doesn't tend to understand what Christmas is until they're about 3, subsequent children tend to understand a bit earlier because they copy their older sibling. First Christmas days are special for the parents as the baby has no clue what's going on even if they're almost 1, their second Christmas is all about the paper and empty boxes, it's the third Christmas where they start to understand and get excited but even then you can fudge the days a bit and celebrate on boxing day if you have to work.

If one of us had to work over Christmas I'd much rather have a few 'in the bank' so to speak for when the dcs are old enough to understand Christmas.

Idliketobeabutterfly · 15/08/2016 17:37

YANBU. My son was born early September and his first Christmas was just like any other day. Can't remember much.

phoenix1973 · 15/08/2016 17:41

Oh don't worry. Your baby won't notice or remember. It's the years 3 onwards that they remember.
Hope he can swap for those Christmases

HeCantBeSerious · 15/08/2016 17:44

YANBU

DD's first "Xmas" took place on 5th December, because that was the day significant relatives were in the country.

25th Dec doesn't hold any relevance for us as adults, so we have Xmas on whichever day that suits us. (We don't really do Xmas, it's more of a winter celebration with food, the people we love most and a few gifts. No Santa or queens speech traditions.)

HeCantBeSerious · 15/08/2016 17:45

I can't even remember what day we celebrated DS's first Xmas. We may not even have been in the uk.

MsRinky · 15/08/2016 17:55

Your friends are loons. Babies neither know nor care when Christmas is, and in any case you make your own celebrations.

My Dad was a fireman when my brother and I were kids. A few years ago I was at my parents and we were looking through old photo albums, and Christmas through the years and I said something about how lucky it was that Dad had always had Christmas day off when he worked shifts . They laughed at me so much, because it had never once occurred to me that they simply held Christmas Day - presents, dinner, crackers - on a day he was there. Doh.

TheCrumpettyTree · 15/08/2016 18:03

That's nice of your DH. And of course your baby won't be any the wiser.

I sometimes have to work Christmas and we hold it on Boxing Day instead. The DC don't know, it's Christmas day as far as they are concerned!

However I do think it should be fair and you should rotate. Just because you're childless doesn't mean Christmas isn't important. Maybe my parents might want to see me.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 15/08/2016 18:14

However I do think it should be fair and you should rotate. Just because you're childless doesn't mean Christmas isn't important.

I agree. Having children should not come into.

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