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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think DH should work DC first Christmas

110 replies

Dancedog · 15/08/2016 16:01

Sorry for the ridiculously early Christmas thread.

DHs job isn't one which could close for Christmas. So only a certain amount of people can book the day off. The rest of the staff are either scheduled to work Christmas or they aren't depending on their shift pattern. However as everyone in the department is quite close those who aren't parents swap with those who are so that parents get Christmas off.

DH has worked Christmas for years now. We have a routine where we celebrate Christmas with his family on boxing day which works well.

However I am due to have our first DC at the end of September so it will be DCs first Christmas. But DC will only be a few months old and will have no idea.

DH's department got their work shift plan for the next year and DH wouldn't have to work Christmas however we discussed it and checked with his family and decided that he should work it as the baby won't know any better and we aren't planning on buying the baby (or ourselves) any big presents to open as we are already spending loads getting ready for the baby.

So DH went to work today to sort it and swap shifts with a parent.

My friends were here this morning when DH text me to tell me that he has swapped to work Christmas. Friend A who has a couple of DCs was horrified that DH was missing the first Christmas and was convinced that DC would notice and be upset. When I was unconvinced she said that the DC will be upset when they are older as we won't have real first Christmas pictures as most of them will be taken on boxing day.

Friend B has just had her first and kept telling me that I will really regret this when I actually have the baby. She and friend C kept telling me that I will regret this once DC is here and I will never get to experience the first family Christmas again. They all agreed that they could never do it.

I'm worried now. Have I totally messed this up? I figured it just made sense to give a parent with DCs who actually know that it's Christmas a chance to celebrate it. I'm worried that it will be a massive regret once DC is here.

So are we being unreasonable to arrange for DH to work Christmas and will I regret it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Dancedog · 15/08/2016 16:19

I don't know if DH will work next Christmas or not as DC will only be 1 but we will work that out when the time comes probably depending on how this Christmas goes.

OP posts:
Enidblyton1 · 15/08/2016 16:20

You've done the right thing. Your friends are being ridiculous.
DC will be sad in the future that first Christmas photos are taken on Boxing Day?!!! Are they having a laugh?! Who would even notice or care?!
I would personally give up Christmas Day for the next few years in order to bank the day off every year from when your DC is 3+

Gottagetmoving · 15/08/2016 16:21

If you are ok with DH working and he is ok with it too then it doesn't matter what your friends think.
Christmas is not just one day,. You can have Christmas photos with your baby and the family on whatever day you celebrate together.
Your baby won't know or care.
It's lovely you are letting someone with older children have the day off. Your friends are daft.

Welshrainbow · 15/08/2016 16:21

YANBU, your baby will not remember this Christmas or likely even be awake for most of it, you will have some lovely photos of a first family Xmas on Boxing Day when someone else is cooking. My DS was 8/9 months for his first Xmas and it was just like any other day fir him. He is now the age your LO will be for the second Xmas and honestly even now I don't think he would know or understand why it is supposed to be special. Your DH has given someone else with DC who are old enough to question why their parent isn't there for Xmas the chance to be there, it's a lovely thing to do.

Igneococcus · 15/08/2016 16:22

Dd is a September baby and she paid absolutely no attention to the fact that it was Christmas in her first year. How would you even be able to tell if a photo was taken on boxing day or Christmas day unless you never a time stamp?

tiktok · 15/08/2016 16:23

I think YBU in paying any attention to what your friends say. Why does it matter what they think? They're being ridiculous.

blitheringbuzzards1234 · 15/08/2016 16:25

You need to do what is right for you, DH and baby. Your friends are speaking for themselves. You don't have to follow the pack. Be brave and have a mind of your own. Mention your reasons which are perfectly sane and then tell them to give it a rest as you are sick of the subject.

Thurlow · 15/08/2016 16:28

YANBU. They don't get it for years. You may as well keep working and build up the goodwill for when your DC is old enough to know whether mum or dad are there at Christmas.

Having said that, my dad worked most Christmas days at some point, and DP now does the same job and has little choice on the matter. Kids get used to what they grow up with. If one of their parents is a police officer or doctor or chef or fireman or any of the many jobs that work Christmas, they just get used to it.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 15/08/2016 16:29

Yanbu, save the favours for when they are older. yo friend is talking SHITE

diddl · 15/08/2016 16:30

It's up to you-it's very kind, just hope that someone is as kind to you in future!

How often is he rostered on to work a Christmas?

blueturtle6 · 15/08/2016 16:32

Yanbu, at that age it is like any day, tbh, we are planning to.move Christmas "day" around dependent on dh shifts.

Vickyyyy · 15/08/2016 16:33

Before I had kids I worked every xmas so people with kids could have the day off. I didn't realise people got arsey about it tbh. Just seems the nice thing to do, obviously its not required or anything and people would be wrong to assume that just because you are childless you should work xmas...but for me xmas has always been about the kids. I didn't really enjoy xmas until I had them from the age of being about 16 (when my santa presents stopped!) onwards...just seemed a stressful huge sunday lunch to me

ZippyNeedsFeeding · 15/08/2016 16:35

There are no photos of my first Christmas. I have no idea of my father was there or not. I have never given it a moment's though. Plus, I always think the "Baby's first..." photos are for the parents really. The kids rarely care.

honeycrumpet · 15/08/2016 16:36

My dad was in the police and worked several Christmases while I was growing up. As we were often visiting grandparents and had aunties, uncles and cousins with us as well, we never got too upset if my dad wasn't there on the day - as PP have said, you can always celebrate again when your DH is around! We used to enjoy having a special extra present-opening session, just for my dad, with us all clustered round him while he opened his presents either in the evening of Christmas Day, or on Boxing Day.

What I'm trying to say is - don't worry about this year, YANBU at all, and don't worry about your DC as they grow up either. You can still have lovely Christmases around your DH's shifts, even if they're not exactly the same as other families' days.

ZippyNeedsFeeding · 15/08/2016 16:36

a moment's thought, obviously!

NuffSaidSam · 15/08/2016 16:37

Your friends are being silly.

Firstly, because your baby will not know or care that it's Christmas this year and (unless you raise a nightmare) isn't going to care when they're an adult.

Secondly, 'Christmas' and 'baby's first Christmas' refers to the whole Christmas period, not specifically the 25th December. If the tradition for your family is celebrating on the 26th, then that's the bit that matters! Lots of people celebrate Christmas on another day or over a few days. This is your new family and you can have whatever Christmas traditions you want!

Happyhippy45 · 15/08/2016 16:38

I don't remember either of my babies first Christmases. They are too young to know. I can't see it ever being an issue when they are older that the photos with family were not actually on Christmas Day.
It's not like your dh is going to be working for 24 hours either is it? You'll still have your first Christmas as a family.......
Very nice of him to offer to work to let others have the day off.
Don't listen to your friends on this one.

Hidingtonothing · 15/08/2016 16:39

I think that's a lovely, considerate thing to do for his colleagues with older children and no, your baby won't know or care which day you celebrate on at this age. Take no notice of what anyone says, as long as you and DH are happy with your arrangements that's all that matters Flowers

EweAreHere · 15/08/2016 16:39

Your friend is ridiculously bonkers. And deluding herself if she thinks her babies 'knew' the difference or cared years later.

You and your husband are lovely for thinking of others with children who ARE old enough to remember and appreciate having their parents there on the day.

loosechange · 15/08/2016 16:41

I think you are right. The baby won't know /care, and for that matter the same will apply next year also.

happypoobum · 15/08/2016 16:49

I am absolutely amazed that any workplace practices such out of date holiday allocation policies. Are you living in the 1970s OP?

Other than that, no, baby will be totally unaware.

NarcyCow · 15/08/2016 16:51

Your friends sound bonkers and you and your DH sound very sensible and kind.

Sparklesilverglitter · 15/08/2016 16:54

How lovely your DH swapping with a parent ( of older children I imagine)

I've only just had my first baby but I can't imagine this Christmas my DD will know where she is or remember who is with her.

I'm sure your DH will have a day off some times in December so if you wish your be able to do a festive something with the baby

marcopront · 15/08/2016 16:55

My DD was born in October. I was living overseas at the time and came to the UK for Christmas to see my Dad and Step Mum and other family and friends.
I didn't buy her any presents as I would buy them, wrap them and then unwrap them for her. My Step Mum insisted on buying her presents. I am sure DD has no idea she didn't see her Dad for about two weeks around the Christmas period and that she got no presents from me.

chocoLit · 15/08/2016 16:56

Nonsense. We've both done it. Christmas is what you make it WHEN you make it and hopefully when your DC is older someone will be kind enough to swap if he's scheduled on.

Good luck with the baby Cake