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AIBU?

to think DH should work DC first Christmas

110 replies

Dancedog · 15/08/2016 16:01

Sorry for the ridiculously early Christmas thread.

DHs job isn't one which could close for Christmas. So only a certain amount of people can book the day off. The rest of the staff are either scheduled to work Christmas or they aren't depending on their shift pattern. However as everyone in the department is quite close those who aren't parents swap with those who are so that parents get Christmas off.

DH has worked Christmas for years now. We have a routine where we celebrate Christmas with his family on boxing day which works well.

However I am due to have our first DC at the end of September so it will be DCs first Christmas. But DC will only be a few months old and will have no idea.

DH's department got their work shift plan for the next year and DH wouldn't have to work Christmas however we discussed it and checked with his family and decided that he should work it as the baby won't know any better and we aren't planning on buying the baby (or ourselves) any big presents to open as we are already spending loads getting ready for the baby.

So DH went to work today to sort it and swap shifts with a parent.

My friends were here this morning when DH text me to tell me that he has swapped to work Christmas. Friend A who has a couple of DCs was horrified that DH was missing the first Christmas and was convinced that DC would notice and be upset. When I was unconvinced she said that the DC will be upset when they are older as we won't have real first Christmas pictures as most of them will be taken on boxing day.

Friend B has just had her first and kept telling me that I will really regret this when I actually have the baby. She and friend C kept telling me that I will regret this once DC is here and I will never get to experience the first family Christmas again. They all agreed that they could never do it.

I'm worried now. Have I totally messed this up? I figured it just made sense to give a parent with DCs who actually know that it's Christmas a chance to celebrate it. I'm worried that it will be a massive regret once DC is here.

So are we being unreasonable to arrange for DH to work Christmas and will I regret it.

OP posts:

Report

Dancedog · 15/08/2016 18:16

Thank you for your replies.
Seems I was unreasonable to listen to my friends. I think I'm just worried about everything to do with the baby right now and my friends just seemed so shocked about it.

In DHs work if you are childless you don't have to swap if you don't want to and some people don't however some people are happy to swap.

DHs work don't really allow swapping any other time of year unless it's very important however they make an exception for Christmas.

I'm lucky because where I work we shut for two weeks at Christmas so I never really had to think about it till I met DH.

OP posts:

PurpleDaisies · 15/08/2016 18:22

In DHs work if you are childless you don't have to swap if you don't want to and some people don't however some people are happy to swap.

I worry that whether you're childless even comes into the conversation. I've been put under explicit pressure to swap Christmas before because I don't have kids. I bet there are child free people in your dh's workplace who feel they should volunteer to work because others do.

The best workplaces rotate Christmases off, with people who want to work volunteering regardless of whether they've got children.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 15/08/2016 18:23

In DHs work if you are childless you don't have to swap if you don't want to and some people don't however some people are happy to swap

And there is really no pressure? No talking behind the backs of "selfish" people who won't swap?

It's not much of a concession that the childless don't have to swap if they don't want to since a swap couldn't be enforced anyway legally.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 15/08/2016 18:26

An employer has no right to ask whether an employee is childless; other employees have no right to quiz other employees about their personal circumstances

Sofabitch · 15/08/2016 18:29

I think there does need to be a consideration. After all.. have you ever tried to book child care over Christmas. Its impossible. Even the best places close for 2-3 days.

But ive worked Christmas afternoon before. I'd have hated to work the morning as the kids waking up is what.its all about.

HeCantBeSerious · 15/08/2016 18:34

ve worked Christmas afternoon before. I'd have hated to work the morning as the kids waking up is what.its all about

Don't your kids wake up on other mornings?

PurpleDaisies · 15/08/2016 18:37

I think there does need to be a consideration. After all.. have you ever tried to book child care over Christmas. Its impossible. Even the best places close for 2-3 days.

But ive worked Christmas afternoon before. I'd have hated to work the morning as the kids waking up is what.its all about.

I'm sorry but that sort of argument means people without children having to work every Christmas.

There is no hierarchy of whose Christmas is most important. Waking up and going to church is what Christmas is really about for me. Neither your wish to wake up with your children nor my wish to go to church trump any other employees wish to have the day off.

Careforadrink · 15/08/2016 18:38

Yanbu

I understand a few comments regarding parental entitlement and not discriminating against childless people but I do feel that single parents and/or carers should get priority.

If there is no other family to speak of and obviously chilcare facilities are shut Xmas day - what are lone parents expected to do?

Sofabitch · 15/08/2016 18:49

Well. Yes if there is a genuine childcare issue it should be taken into account.

Not everyone has someone there 24/7 to watch children. And if the views of most mumsnetters every one shoukd work unless they can afford a life of luxury.

Perhaps both parents work in 24/7 jobs? Single parents?

We can't as a society say everyone needs to work and then not put in place the infrastructure I.e childcare or flexibility and consideration to the fact that people have children.

Many low paid care type jobs are 24/7... childcare is no where near at that level.

I didn't say there should be a blanket parents don't work but I appreciated that my colleagues always offered to let me have Christmas morning.. most the single people didn't mind doing the early and then going home.to a family dinner and drinks. My friend once vollunteered all of Christmas because it was her exs turn with the children and she didn't want to be home alone. Swings in roundabouts.

Working Christmas will always be shit. No one wants to do it.

HelenaDove · 15/08/2016 19:02

Im childfree and teetotal and never been drunk.

Just trying to counter the usual stereotypes that are on this thread as usual.

trafalgargal · 15/08/2016 19:50

I really don't get the childless who insist they must have every Christmas off and want annual leave in school holidays just because they can .

I'd swap shifts with a parent of young children in those circumstances but not with someone who didn't (may be doing so this year as it falls on my regular day off)

PurpleDaisies · 15/08/2016 19:54

I really don't get the childless who insist they must have every Christmas off and want annual leave in school holidays just because they can

Who wants to work in Christmas Day? Almost no one (except the op's dh!). They're not asking for it off to make a bloody point.

PurpleDaisies · 15/08/2016 19:55

I've just spotted the "every Christmas off"

It would be just as wrong for a childless person to insist on every Christmas off as a parent.

HeCantBeSerious · 15/08/2016 19:57

I'd happily work Dec 25th. I did for many years.

PurpleDaisies · 15/08/2016 19:58

And why aren't childless people supported to ask for time off in the summer holidays?

Leonas · 15/08/2016 20:01

My DP worked our baby's 2 Xmas days and she was entirely unphased! She is nearly 3 now and he has changed jobs so will be off at Xmas but we are lucky in this respect.
How would the baby possibly even know what days the photos were taken on anyway? Do Xmas the way that works for you, it matters not a jot what other people think or do!

hollinhurst84 · 15/08/2016 20:32

It's absolutely fine. My parents friends child thinks Boxing Day is Christmas Day because they can't celebrate on Christmas Day so they've always done it that way
So her Christmas Eve is actually Christmas Day night

DoNotDenyMe · 15/08/2016 20:39

Haven't read other comments. My dh did this. No big deal. Dd was 8mo. We woke her to open presents very early and she went back to sleep. He went to work and joined us at my parents late afternoon
Never really been a major issue for me as my dm was a nurse. If she had to work, she volunteer to do the early shift so I've told dh to do the same.
It's real life, it's one day of the year. :-)

pennefabredux · 15/08/2016 21:29

Your "friends" RBU ... You and your DH are clearly being reasonable, giving (in the sense of the season), and should carry on with your plans.

Honestly your DC won't be aware. You'll still celebrate as you've done in the past. It's really quite lovely.

PrincessHairyMclary · 15/08/2016 21:41

Christmas isn't fun till they are 3-4 so don't worry about it. And as for the child not experiencing a proper Christmas on Christmas Day I alternate Christmas with DDs dad and often replicate it on Boxing Day and it is just as good, if not better that way (I can enjoy all the Christmas films in peace and enjoy DD the next day)

Thatsmeinthecorner2016 · 15/08/2016 23:05

You have at least two Christmases ahead of you when your child won't bother and the whole 'magic' will be in your heads only so you're totally NBU for not being bothered.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 16/08/2016 00:16

I really don't get the childless who insist they must have every Christmas off

The childless have exactly the same right to ask not to work at Christmas as those with children.

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Enkopkaffetak · 16/08/2016 00:20

No you wont regret it, Surely there will be pictures as you will take some on Boxing day when you celebrate?

OlennasWimple · 16/08/2016 00:21

YANBU

Just make sure his work knows it's not a "I always want to work Xmas" situation

AnnieOnnieMouse · 16/08/2016 00:29

I think you are very sensible. You're giving a special favour to those whose children are old enough to notice - and yours won't be for a few years. Also, it gives you the freedom to do what you want on Christmas, rather than have to dance to the tune of any other members of the family - eg, go visit if you really want to, decline if you don't want to, as dh not able to attend.
We have a vary variable Christmas day in this house - it's whenever the most family members can be here. Anywhere 24th - 30th
(sulks, cos I can't find a santa hat smiley)

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