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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bloody "security"!!!

46 replies

WyldChyld · 14/08/2016 23:45

DH is security obsessed focused but is driving me batty.

Things we must not do as they are not safe:
Get a cat flap in case someone climbs through to burgle us / fishes for keys (kept in another room)
Open windows
Having beaten him down - we may now open windows on the proviso that they are not open too much or left unattended (e.g. must close and lock if I ever nip to the corner shop even)
Must not open the front door even if I'm in the house - someone might sneak past me and burgle us Hmm
Must not open landing window too wide at night in case someone climbs up a ladder and we don't wake up
Must not open too many windows or doors at once in case a door slams and is damaged

We live in a naice semi-rural neighbourhood!

AIBU to throw open every window and door and torture him with this?

OP posts:
maninawomansworld01 · 14/08/2016 23:55

Haha yanbu and Yabu at the same time.
No experience of cats / flaps but did you know that you can get one with an electronic lock?
An RFID tag is attached to the cats collar so when the cat approaches the flap it unlocks, the cat passes through and when the cat is out of range (a couple of feet) and the system no longer senses the presence of the tag, it locks again.

DW is a bit of a worrier about leaving windows open but I point out to her that (a) there are usually farm / estate workers nearby as the house has our offices etc 100 yards away and (b) this place has been in the family a few hundred years and there has never been a crime here.
She still stresses though.

GiddyOnZackHunt · 15/08/2016 00:01

Your insurance may have a clause stipulating your doors and windows must be locked when you're out. It may be highly unlikely but it would be:
Sod's Law
Expensive
If it did happen.

Original poster
WyldChyld · 15/08/2016 00:09

Apparently even that type of cat flap is unacceptable as it is a weak spot and they could break it...

I will give you the one about locking up if out but the rest is ridiculous

OP posts:
Pinkheart5915 · 15/08/2016 00:16

I'm the one obsessed with security here, we've got a electric gated property in a very nice area. I've also got cctv, alarm system, I won't go out leaving doors& Windows unlocked. when we go on holiday mil checks the house daily. Drives dh crazy

Has your dh lived somewhere that was broken in to? I got broke in to in a nice area of London during the whole 6 months I lived there and I've always been over cautious since then. The thought of somebody getting in my home, searching for things to steal makes me feel scared

FinallyHere · 15/08/2016 00:17

Thanks for this. It reminded me that i had left a downstairs window open ( uk so its the middle of the night here).

p.s. I couldn't not live with the rules you describe. Are you visiting or do you live together? When did these rules first crop up?

Original poster
WyldChyld · 15/08/2016 00:17

He's never been broken into or anything of the sort. His dad is the same - also no reason why - and keeps threatening to do a security audit!!!!

Deep breaths...

OP posts:
Original poster
WyldChyld · 15/08/2016 00:19

We originally lived in a not quite do salubrious area so I could understand it. Now, I just ignore 90% of them.

He really is an excellent DH aside from this!

OP posts:
AudreyBradshaw · 15/08/2016 00:27

YANBU, but I completely understand your dh's pov. However, I know I'm unreasonable about it and it's rooted in anxiety.

Dh has worked in security for 20 years and is much more laid back than me when he's in the house. When he's not home I know he worries something chronic and will text to make sure I've locked doors etc.

He's installed my dsis as my babysitter because I'm sleep walking a lot and have a tendency to unlock doors and windows and wander round turning lights and things on. I'm pregnant so he's ultra freaked about it at the minute.

DancingDinosaur · 15/08/2016 00:30

Well I go with most of it tbh apart from opening front door. Confused

GloveBug · 15/08/2016 00:41

When I was younger and lived it at home I regularly forget my keys. Would get a long bamboo pole from the garden and put it through the cat flap or letterbox to hook the keys and let myself in. I do have a cat flap now but make sure keys are kept in a different room

GloveBug · 15/08/2016 00:42

Not sure anyone is going to be small enough to climb through a cat flap though. Dog flap maybe but not a cat flap

BengalCatMum · 15/08/2016 00:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kurlique · 15/08/2016 00:50

Only doors and windows?! Does he not also obsess about all things electric... Everything switched off and unplugged... And going away overnight, turn that mains water off please, even if it is summertime... Or is that just my DH?! All I can say is... You are not alone!!

The annoying bit is that the insurance company would agree about the locked Windows and the fire service would agree about the electrics... PAH! 😤

Original poster
WyldChyld · 15/08/2016 00:51

kurlique, are we sharing a DH?! Oh I feel your pain!!

OP posts:
BengalCatMum · 15/08/2016 00:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KickAssAngel · 15/08/2016 00:54

Both my parents and MIL are like this. Every door has at least 3 points of being locked/bolted, with keys hidden away and out of reach. When asked what they'd do if there were a fire, they say that they know where the keys are and could get out in time.

I'd rather be burgled 10 times than burnt alive once.

Tbh it freaks me out whenever we go to visit.

SharkBaitOohHaha · 15/08/2016 01:21

KickAss my DP used to be like that. All the door locks were permanently on, and if he left the house for any reason (even to put the bin out), even if I was still inside the flat, he'd double-lock the front door.

My main issue with this was that only one of my keys worked. Or the top lock was too stiff for me to be able to work. Either way, when he locked me in, there was no way I could unlock the door to let myself out.

After a few emotive 'but what if there's a fire?' speeches, I've finally trained him to not lock me in my own flat with no route of escape..

PepsiPenguins · 15/08/2016 01:35

I am a everything must be locked inside, keys for windows are kept in the locks.

But I was burgled and whilst agree I would rather be burgled than burnt alive being burgled really isn't a lot of fun.

I was however burgled by pros, they removed an entire window to get in, didn't make a mess and thankfully shut the door of the room they broke into and the front doors resulting in my cat thankfully being shook up but not out by a main road.

If the pros really want to get in, they will and I've had friends burgled via cat flaps (left keys near the cat flap) and one who woke up to find one in the kitchen who quickly turned on him with a knife. They lived in niace suburban areas.

I lived in the city but now I'm in niace suburbs, but am still very cautious.

YABU in my view regarding leaving windows open unattended but I'm sure my experience leaves me in not a great place to be objective

KickAssAngel · 15/08/2016 02:15

I've been in several houses where there were break ins or potential ones. Never once did the windows/doors being locked make a difference. If it's someone who knows how to get in, they will get in. If it's an amateur opportunist (like the one who stole a barbecue fork and tried to hack through a solid wooden door) then they won't.

I wouldn't have no security - but there is a middle ground between where it's possible to live a normal life, have a few windows open, and still be secure.

I wouldn't leave a door open, though. (Not intentionally)

wheresthel1ght · 15/08/2016 03:11

He would hate me! Our windows are always open whether we are in or not and dp is so lax he often goes out leaving the patio or front doors unlocked.

Luckily we live in an OK area and next door have cctv but it drives me nuts!

I religiously check doors and shut big windows when we are going out though

KoalaDownUnder · 15/08/2016 03:39

Wow, he'd hate me, too!

  • never lock my car when at home
  • dog flap that I can get through myself, accessible 24/7
  • never lock windows
  • no peep-hole or security chain on front door. (I just open it.)

I do live in a naice, quiet beachside suburb in Australia, but I'm still pretty lax.

Blacksheep78 · 15/08/2016 04:16

I couldn't even tell you where my keys are...

The only time I have ever been robbed was about 15 years ago when I lived in a high security prison gated neighborhood, where all my neighbors had CCTV and motion activated lights drove us nuts every time a cat ran past.

WaxyBean · 15/08/2016 06:04

There's a middle ground here. I don't ever leave windows open when leaving the house, nor do I leave my downstairs front windows open when I am not in the room. We don't have a cat flap and I don't leave the front door open unless we are going through it. But upstairs Windows and back door are always open (terraced house with no access round the back). Common sense in my opinion.

BarbaraofSeville · 15/08/2016 06:28

Sounds a bit much, but I understand where he is coming from.

I know at least three people that have had cars stolen by the thieves either walking in through unlocked doors while the house was occupied, or fishing the keys through catflaps.

They all live in naice neighbourhoods too - in my experience these sorts of places tend to have higher burglary rates because they have more expensive things and can be a bit lapse with security 'because they live in a nice area'.

I've seen exclusions in insurance policies relating to petflaps above a certain (quite small) size. When our outhouse was broken into the hole in the broken window that the thief entered was 9.5 inches at the widest point - it was a boy aged about 12 (he was with older men and we disturbed them - the men ran off leaving the boy in our outhouse before anything could be taken).

Many insurance companies will not pay out if you are burgled and are found to have been lapse with security.

Have a look on your local police website - if there are trends of sneak in burglaries locally, they will be giving related crime prevention advice. People often think it won't happen to them, until it does.

KoalaDownUnder · 15/08/2016 07:00

Re: dog flaps - mine has to be an extra-large, to accommodate the dog! To get to the dog flap, an intruder would first have to get through a side gate, past a 'beware of the dog' sign and the large dog itself (which is not aggressive, but they wouldn't know that).

There is a solid door that can be locked over the dog flap, but that would defeat the purpose of the dog being able to go between the garden and the house while I'm out.

I figure it's worth the risk, but I know that some of my friends are a bit shocked.