Aibu to find this utterly infuriating??

[goddessoftheharvest]

Guest at Sunday lunch today. Over the course of the meal

"Oh I couldn't eat all of that... Just a little bit for me thanks. Oh no, that's far too much. Just half of that. Half of that. I wouldn't eat all those potatoes. Could I have that little corner of the meat, that very well done part? That will do for me. Sorry, could i swap my meat for that bit? It looks a bit better done. No, I'll not have any of that, I couldn't manage it. I'll just try a bit off X's plate. Apple pie for afters? I couldn't, I really couldn't. I'll try a tiny bowl I suppose. Just a spoonful"

At this point I thought fuck it, and gave her an actual tablespoon sized portion. She then proceeded to eat it and half of DDs!

I love this relative dearly, but by God she has a weird attitude to food. She isn't fussy and has no allergies, but it's as if enjoying food for what it is is unladylike or something, hence the massive parade over portion sizes etc

Basically you end up spending ages making a nicely cooked and presented meal, only for most of it to be taken up with this warbling on!

Aibu to think this is rude and annoying?

Someone close to me says 'oh I'll just have a packet of crisps / few snacks as you're having some. - I wouldn't normally.' Yes you bloody well would / do all the time.!!!

My MIL is fast turning into a nightmare around food! I am a recovering/recovered anorexic, which she knows. But she will still constantly talk about her latest diet (she calls them healthy eating!), weight loss, food she has eaten.

They came round for dinner recently and we cooked a roast. She served herself a handful of vegetables and then produced half a pack of low fat feta and proceeded to act as if it was the best she had ever eaten! I was seething - she is usually so lovely and thoughtful, but she really is out of control at the moment! She keeps justifying how much she is enjoying "being vegetarian" and "doesn't miss meat".... and then admits to having a bacon sandwich 🙄 Plus she is fine drinking bottles of wine (usually with me!)

I think the thing that annoys me the most is the way that both her and FIL talk about food (in front of my dc. She says things are "naughty" "too filling" etc and FIL will say that certain foods (mainly vegetables) are "disgusting" and asks the children "how can you eat that, it is revolting". I rage!

Dh has inherited a similar good food, bad food mentality and we have had many "discussions" of just how unhelpful it is to me, and how I refuse to have those ideas passed to the dc.

My dm has her own food ishoos - skips meals, picks at food, never hungry. Even now when she makes sandwiches it is two slices of brown bread, the tiniest scraping of low fat marg, very little filling! And she was a chef!

A pp commented on the current "obesity crisis"; I am worried about how the current obsession with weight will impact on the next generation. There is already focus at baby weaning age about things that "reduce chance of obesity" and baby's weights. Are we going to turn into a generation of paranoid parents, commenting on food intake/body weight?

My GM is 90. She is entirely normal about food and eats everything except anything spicy. She does seem to have a special pudding cake and biscuit belly which must be an expandible I wasn't born with. At any given time she can eat something 'homemade' - cake bread scone biscuit bun pavlova apple pie/any pie. She also adores all chocolate that isn't fancy. No Belgian chocs for her but she likes to be spoiled by 12 Ferrero Roche.

My mother is a loon. Skeletal whilst we grew up, she'd say as result of being in an abusive relationship but she was v v mean about other women and their weight. She was a monster around food.
She is now a size 20 and a wheelchair user and despises what other people must think about her.
The poison is all her own

People like this are food bores. They think everyone admires their sainly behaviour but it just pisses everyone.

If I'm going to pay £25 for afternoon tea I'm going to cram in as much cake as I can manage......

Songbird. Good clip.

Aagh. DP is like this. He says he is not hungry, so I don't cook him anything. Then he eats half my dinner. Last night he said he'd have just a small salad then prepared himself a massive plateful which covered the entire plate witha pile of cheese on top!
I never realised he was trying to be ladylike.

My DM is another PITA.

You go somewhere like M&S for lunch and she tries to make you share a little pack of triangle sandwiches. She gets so cross when you have your own and makes judgy comments.

She is overweight and one of my DSis pointed out that she hides packets of Weight Watchers biscuits down the side of the couch.

My MIL on the other hand has numerous medical issues, struggles to chew most meat, takes hours to eat a meal, sometimes it comes back up. She doesn't whinge or judge.

My oldest friend is a PITA around food. Always wants to know what you are ordering so she can pick something with fewer calories. Never admits to being hungry. Watches what everyone else eats like a hawk in order to eat the least. If she wants to eat more, she'll try to push more food on to you.

This is my MIL! She views me with complete suspicion because I use cream and butter and cook from scratch and I eat cheese which is the work of the devil.
A microwave low fat ready meal is normal though.

Once commented that she didn't think I ate that sort of thing. It was a piece of cheesecake. She actually kind of snarled the comment at me.

Insisted that I'd have to change over to low fat foods and spreads when DH and I moved in together or we'd get fat.
When DD was a baby she met me in a cafe. I was breastfeeding and ravenous. She said she'd order and I sat down. I said I'd love a ham and chesse toasty and a cup of tea.
She got that. Between us. I had to get more tea and a cake and I thought she would explode.

Interestingly, all my SILs are very overweight. I'm not.

I do go to the gym though which is a whole other issue.
Women DO NOT sweat.
I lift weights too imagine!!

I have 2 relatives who go through this charade on a daily basis and I definitely find it infuriating. I think they should just shut up and eat or not eat without comment. I get sick of hearing it and it is beginning to ruin the enjoyment of eating out.

I have to admit, when I am eating out with a friend who barely touches her food, it also really puts me off eating mine and being seen as 'the greedy one'. Especially as when out with just one other friend the natural instinct is to 'mirror' their behaviour so if they stop eating early on, you feel as though you should too. Luckily the majority of my friends love their food.

I love my food, it's just most cafes and restaurants serve enormous portions that I can't physically eat. What am supposed to do, eat until I feel bloated and sick so I don't put others off?

I almost always take away uneaten food for later if practical because I have enjoyed it and want to eat it later when I am hungry again.

I'm not judging others, don't have any food issues or pretend to eat/not eat or whatever else people seem to think is attention seeking or putting on a huge charade. I don't eat low fat foods and am not overweight.

But this thread has made me sad that most people seem to think that if you don't stuff yourself with food at any given opportunity, whether you are hungry or not, you have an eating disorder.

Oh, and I don't judge or comment on what others are eating. I just know that if I eat all the cakes off an afternoon tea in one go, I will feel sick, so I save some for later when I will enjoy them more.

But sometimes it feels like being on the receiving end of Mrs Doyle, go on, go on, go on, go on etc, when you say 'just a small piece please', or 'I'm full'.

This was my MIL but to be fair she genuinely did have small appetite. Eating out a complete waste of time she usually have a bowl of soup or if she did order a meal FIL ended up eating half of it. I can't stand fussy, picky eaters so like someone else said earlier in the thread just stick all the food in dishes & let everyone serve themselves. No discussion, no interest in what they eat or how much of it. MIL always served up tiddly portions when we ate there I was always starving. That's probably why she was 7 st all her life & I am considerably more.

It comes from two historical things...one, the idea that women shouldn't eat too much and two, that you must eat everything on your plate. My daughter gets like this at my MIL as she gets worried she won't like things and has to clear plate. Maybe give her very little but say she is welcome to have more if she'd like.

Going off thread a bit here following all the comments re men's & women's servings, ever been asked "to play mother" & pour the tea because none of the men present can lift the fucking teapot? Hasn't happened for a few years now since a hissy fit that left everyone stunned.

Like others, I have a couple of relatives who do this. One will make a big fuss about how she won't want food as she'll have had a sandwich on the journey - then arrive clearly expecting a meal. Or order a small dish for herself in a restaurant then help herself to everyone else's ( I do not share food!)
The other is of the ooh I couldn't possible that's too rich variety. She then makes PA comments about other people's weight and "greediness". I think what she does is more dangerous - such an insidious and unhealthy message for younger family members especially.

"But this thread has made me sad that most people seem to think that if you don't stuff yourself with food at any given opportunity, whether you are hungry or not, you have an eating disorder."

I think the average British person eats way too much so I'm also a bit sceptical about this thread and all the complaints of people with smaller appetites, but I think that they're not really complaining about dainty eaters, just about people who make a fuss about not eating much but who do actually eat a lot. It's a difficult one for me to understand as I've never met such a person. I wonder where they all are!

when I am eating out with a friend who barely touches her food, it also really puts me off eating mine and being seen as 'the greedy one'.

Is this not your problem Naice?

limitedperiodonly: yes it definitely is my problem, you are right. I need to get over it!

But the majority of posts are not complaining about people who simply have small appetites- it's about people who try make others feel bad/guilty/ashamed/gluttonous about what they are eating (which is usually a completely normal/healthy amount) by projecting their own insecurities. Eat as much or as little as you want (within reason), but for gods sake don't make judgy/snide/passive aggressive comments about what is on other people's plates.

Those offended by this thread have spectacularly missed the point. It isn't about small appetites or weight at all- purely about the infuriating attitude of those who can't/won't eat normally in public.

Sometimes its an irritating affectation and sometimes it's an eating disorder, sometimes an eating disorder brought on by the socialisation/generational socialisation of women.

Either way the witnesses are entitled to let off steam about how irritating it is to deal with.

Now I had breakfast and a drink midmorning (imagine!) should I eat lunch do you think? No I couldn't possibly...

This is thread is mainly about those who want to bore the arse of everyone else by harping on about their dietary requirements. No one is interested. Eat what you want, just shut up and don't turn it up into an issue for everybody. You are not that special.

Were you entertaining my mother by any chance?

I had this constantly when growing up. Also forcing us all to starve ourselves all day prior to going out for dinner (so you enjoy the dinner )

And any incidence of eating "bad" food eg chocolate resulting in a drama of almost bursting into tears saying 'why did I eat that oh I am such a fat pig' etc etc.

Perhaps there is something about feeling a bit more comfortable when other people are eating similarly sized portions of the same meal and just enjoying it while having general conversations. Obviously one makes allowances for some people - chidren, the elderly - having small appetites. And you wouldn't expect a vegetarian to have the same as everyone else if it was a steak dinner.

But if someone - who hasn't come back from a long hike - is wolfing food down ravenously it's faintly disquieting.. As it is if someone who has just had a long stint of n an exercise back toys with a lettuce leaf saying 'Ooh I'm really not hungry. I'm still full after my last lettuce leaf.' It's hard to feel relaxed and 'normal' eating alongside people who have a disordered relationship with food.