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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not allow nephew to pick through my late parents things

99 replies

finlayargyle · 13/08/2016 20:41

Hello all.

Avid follower, 1st time poster.

Following a very messy family fall out regarding my parents will, I'm not very close to one brother. We've made amends that we're friendly but there's still a lot of hurt.

My parents left me their vinyl collection- loads of 60s and 70s singer-songwriter types. It has literally no monetary value. They left it to me as I had an interest and had my own vinyl collection.

Since they died and we cleared their house, the collection has stayed in my attic.

Tonight my brother's son (16) rang me to say he'd got turntable and was collecting vinyl. He said 'my dad told me to ring you as you took granny and grandads vinyl'.

I said no they left me it in their Will. I didn't give him much of a lift but I know he had been prompted by my brother and it was heading towards a situation whereby nephew wanted to look for records to take for himself.

Aibu that this isn't on?!

OP posts:

Ginmakesitallok · 13/08/2016 20:42

If it's just sitting in your artic I'd let nephew take a few -surely your parents would prefer them to be listened to?

DesignedForLife · 13/08/2016 20:43

Of course they are yours to keep, but I don't see the big issue with him asking. Are you sure you can't spare a couple? Any duplicates you've got that you could offer?

Original poster

finlayargyle · 13/08/2016 20:47

I should maybe also point out brother didn't like I was executor along with sis, made us draw straws and I lost that role. He also took family books without asking and kept all family photos despite saying we'd all get a CD with them on.

This is just one more 'I'll take what's yours' from him and I can't have it.

OP posts:

NerrSnerr · 13/08/2016 20:47

If they're just sitting in your loft wouldn't it be nice to pass some along to someone who will use them?

KimmySchmidtsSmile · 13/08/2016 20:51

Highly unlikely a 16 year old is going to be interested in much of it. Can't you chuck a few classics his way? Dylan? Simon and Garfunkel? Is it all 60s 70s singer-songwriters? Any Beatles, Stones, Doors, T rex, Led Zepp or Hendrix? Pink floyd, Deep purple or Rush?
In principle you are right but as someone on a moral high ground/a nice person/decent aunt any of the above would be a nice intro into his musical education.
Where are you? Piccadilly Records or Vinyl Exchange in Manchester are well worth him visiting.

reelingintheyears · 13/08/2016 20:51

Nah, I wouldn't give him them, I might let him have a look through them and play them at my house but I wouldn't give them away.

Sunshineonacloudyday · 13/08/2016 20:59

Why are they in your attic gathering dust. Don't you want to be the bigger person in all this. Make him look stupid not you. It's up to you if you want him to have some he is your nephew at the end of the day.

Rumpelstiltskin143 · 13/08/2016 21:07

Tell your brother that when you get the CD of photographs you'll think about the records.

RaspberryOverload · 13/08/2016 21:16

I should maybe also point out brother didn't like I was executor along with sis, made us draw straws and I lost that role.

I don't think you can be removed from the executor role like that, because there are legal obligations to being an executor.

The way you wrote this isn't clear, so was he named as executor as well? If not, he can't take anything of your parents without permission, can he?

Perhaps you can offer some vinyl that you don't want in return for the CDs, etc (but only when you actually have the CDs in your possession ).

Pearlman · 13/08/2016 21:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FinderofNeedles · 13/08/2016 21:19

Yes, photo CD first, then you might give some vinyl to the nephew.

What are you keeping them for? Will you play them ever? (DH still has his vinyl collection too, BTW!)

Benedikte2 · 13/08/2016 21:26

Good opportunity to give him a few duplicates you don't want with the pointed request for the photo CD.
Or you could say you'll get around to looking through your collection to see if there's any he could have and maybe at the same time he or his dad could scan the photos and put them onto a CD

Cantusethatname · 13/08/2016 21:26

My brother is dead and I will never have a nephew.
I would love to share my dad's things in the situation you describe. You don't need the vinyl and it is not worth anything. They were his grandparents.
Life is very short - be the bigger person.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 13/08/2016 21:33

You knew he was an unscrupulous arse the moment he made you draw lots to be executors.

Your brother has put his son up to this and my response would be "afraid not, they're mine". I might be a petty and vindictive bitch but I'd not let anyone from his family even look at them. If this nephew is so interested in 60s and 70s albums he can either buy them or download them like a normal music fan

SonicSpotlight · 13/08/2016 21:36

'Tell your brother that when you get the CD of photographs you'll think about the records.'

This ^

Goingtobeawesome · 13/08/2016 21:37

Seems like being the bigger person means giving in to bullying brothers and demanding nephews.

mineofuselessinformation · 13/08/2016 21:38

People saying vinyl records aren't worth anything aren't quite right - it depends on what they are and their condition.

HedgehogHedgehog · 13/08/2016 21:41

This is obviously an important issue to you. If you dont want him to have them just make it clear to him. Just tell him they have personal value to you and his father was wrong to suggest that he talk to you about them. Dont be ashamed of standing your ground. They belong to you and you can only be guilted and manipulated if you let people guilt you. Just say no, then think no more about it. x

Fluffycloudland77 · 13/08/2016 21:42

I would keep them. If he likes vinyl that much he knows where eBay is.

Becky546 · 13/08/2016 21:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VladmirsPoutine · 13/08/2016 21:45

You're going to begrudge a 16yo a few records so that they can gather dust in your attic as they were "left" to you. You are not only unreasonable but rather selfish and mean-spirited.

gillybeanz · 13/08/2016 21:45

This is a good time to ask about photo's and to stress they were left in the will as you wanted them.
tell him to split books 3 ways between you all and also you would like copies of family photo's etc.
He had no right to just take them anyway.

JenLindley · 13/08/2016 21:46

I wonder what your parents would have preferred, their records sitting gathering dust being enjoyed by no-one or their grandson getting some pleasure and maybe a bit of a musical education out them.

Maybe you could offer to let him borrow some on the condition they are treasured and returned when he is done with them.

Griphook · 13/08/2016 21:47

like being the bigger person means giving in to bullying brothers and demanding nephews.

This, all this bigger person, what does the op get by sharing?

If she says no the brother probably has the hide of a rhino and is only really pushing to see what he can get.

If she says yes she had less vinyl.

So either way she loses, might aswell show him he can't push her around any more.

gillybeanz · 13/08/2016 21:48

Do you mean you were appointed executor and he bullied you to step down.
Who was the legal executor?

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