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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not allow nephew to pick through my late parents things

99 replies

finlayargyle · 13/08/2016 20:41

Hello all.

Avid follower, 1st time poster.

Following a very messy family fall out regarding my parents will, I'm not very close to one brother. We've made amends that we're friendly but there's still a lot of hurt.

My parents left me their vinyl collection- loads of 60s and 70s singer-songwriter types. It has literally no monetary value. They left it to me as I had an interest and had my own vinyl collection.

Since they died and we cleared their house, the collection has stayed in my attic.

Tonight my brother's son (16) rang me to say he'd got turntable and was collecting vinyl. He said 'my dad told me to ring you as you took granny and grandads vinyl'.

I said no they left me it in their Will. I didn't give him much of a lift but I know he had been prompted by my brother and it was heading towards a situation whereby nephew wanted to look for records to take for himself.

Aibu that this isn't on?!

OP posts:

Sunshineonacloudyday · 14/08/2016 15:04

This is why I don't talk to my family they behave like children. They don't understand the damage they cause to children the emotional upset it causes having an unstable family. Its always over something so ridiculous.

Sunshineonacloudyday · 14/08/2016 15:10

I don't think this country puts a lot of value into family. When a mother has a baby its a hv who sees her through not the grandmother. Who is more closer to the op apart from her nephew thats a sad attitude to have.

RaspberryOverload · 14/08/2016 15:21

snowy508601 Sun 14-Aug-16 12:24:22

Do you really think your parents would hve wanted them all gathering dust in your attic, or some being enjoyed by their DGS?

If they had wanted their DGS to enjoy them, they'd have left them otherwise in the will.

These records were left to the OP, and just because they are currently in the attic, it doesn't mean that's their permanent place of residence. Especially as I get the impression that the bereavement is still recent.

I'm still concerned that the OP could find herself liable to stuff after being bullied out of the executor role, and going by the brother's behaviour there seems to have been good reason not to have him as executor.

Witchend · 14/08/2016 15:30

If the dn has just got a turntable there's more Tha a passing chance that it's a new interest that he'll drop within a couple of years and give/throw the stuff away.

And it's not as though it's impossible to get hold of. Tell him to go round the charity shops. Every one in town tells them here, and mostly for less than £1, so he doesn't need to spend a lot.

The other thought is your db gas just found out that one (or more) your dad had is worth quite a bit and has coached dn (either by telling him this or by just,saying "you'd love this one" type of thing) to make sure he chooses it.

PovertyPain · 14/08/2016 15:32

I strongly suspect your brother wants them, because he thinks there may be some of value amongst them, OP.

SymphonyofShadows · 14/08/2016 19:17

Its always over something so ridiculous No, it's over something that was specifically bequeathed to the OP and is her property. It doesn't matter if its records, comic books or gold bullion, it's hers. Some people have an odd attitude to other people's belongings.

Zucker · 14/08/2016 19:30

Hold onto them they're yours OP. Chances are nephew would "borrow" some so him and father could check them out. You'd never see them again I'd wager. Your brother is trying it on through his own son. To the people who are concerned about the nephews lack of vinyl how about setting up a gofundme page for the poor guy.

Sunshineonacloudyday · 14/08/2016 19:51

Do any of you know the op brother to pass judgement. The op is holding a grudge against her brother she thinks her brother and nephew are plotting against her. That's why she is holding back. If there was no feud with the brother would she think differently I don't know. It looks as if she has left the thread. You can't give advice on something you don't understand. My opinion is don't involve children he is the innocent one in all this. If she wants to keep them as memorabilia then don't bullshit around it. The op will embarrass herself in the end.

Original poster

finlayargyle · 14/08/2016 20:17

I'm still here. Brother has form for always taking, loose change, goes home with a bottle of wine at end of night. He does like to come out on top and I do feel this is one more way he'd do it. I know if I lent some LPs I'd never see them again. We still don't 'know' where family collection of Ladybird books went...

I stood by and allowed him to take my role as executor as I didn't want a fight at a time emotions were so high. I'm not ready to deal with what was left. My dad is dead 10 years and my mum 7. My sister and I haven't had the heart yet to organise her jewellery between us.

Nephew does expect just to get. And I know he was prompted to ring.

After all comments, I'm going to go through my own collection of grunge/indie stuff and see what I could give him.

I just hate the expectation that he would be entitled and I would roll over. Again. If my daughter decided to collect make up compacts, would she riffle through my mums collection left to my sister?! No.

OP posts:

Sunshineonacloudyday · 14/08/2016 20:35

if you don't want him to have it then don't give it to him. Tell him no I am very fond of them and listen to them frequently and leave it at that. What can he say to you.

If there is any you don't listen to give him them. Don't battle with your concience if you like all the music that you have got keep it.

Sunshineonacloudyday · 14/08/2016 20:38

Be there for your sister you two need each other. Leave the bullshit behind you you don't need it. If you don't want him to have it then don't give in. Sorry for your loss

MissingPanda · 14/08/2016 20:41

Agree Symphony. I'm amazed at how many posters on here seem to think it's acceptable to bully the OP into giving up her possessions, possessions that were given to her by her parents, and by using emotional blackmail too.

As for the nephew we know nothing about him, so nobody can say with 100% certainty that he's an innocent in this. He may be an innocent pawn in his father's games or he may be a carbon copy of his father.

Either way the OP shouldn't have to give him her possessions just because he wants them. It doesn't do any child any harm to be told that they can't have something just because they want it.

Why on earth would the OP embarass herself. There's nothing embarrassing about telling someone they cannot have something you own just because they want it.

PhotosGinAndALongLieIn · 14/08/2016 20:52

I think that the difference here is that the vinyl was bequeathed to you OP so it is yours, it belongs to you just as much as if you'd amassed the collection yourself. It is no longer your parents' collection, but yours. Brother is treating the collection as if it belongs to the family - like the photos he took. You didn't "take Granny and Grandad's vinyl" they gave it to you.

By all means he can suggest that nephew ask to see the collection or listen to it with you but if you had collected them yourself would he just expect you to hand them over? I can't just say "Oh my brother is a mechanic, go and ask for some tools", but I could ask if he had any he didn't want/need/use anymore and would he be willing to pass them on to my son/daughter. I wouldn't presume to think that he would want to pass any on and I certainly wouldn't expect him to pass on any that were worth anything.

SymphonyofShadows · 14/08/2016 21:36

Please be careful about giving any vinyl away, yours or what was your parents. Oasis albums on vinyl fetch a lot for instance, as most people bought CD's. Look at the link
I posted above before you part with anything.

LuluJakey1 · 14/08/2016 21:42

Is there anything there that you had your own copy of? If there is perhaps you could give him either your copy or theirs. I wouldn't go further than that myself.

Sunshineonacloudyday · 14/08/2016 21:45

He may be an innocent pawn in his father's games or he may be a carbon copy of his father.

My brother is a carbon copy of my dad every time I talk to him he makes me cringe.

BoneyBackJefferson · 14/08/2016 21:51

Price up the collection, there maybe some very expensive vinyl in there, if you have something really rare like

SEX PISTOLS God Save The Queen 1977 A&M AMS 7284

its worth £8,000.

A friend of mine collects guitars and has bought so many bargains because people do not know the value of what is in their attic.

Griphook · 14/08/2016 21:56

I have a very similar brother, always likes to come out on top. He once owed me £19.00 gave it to me on 10ps and 2ps and bag so heavy I could barely carry it. I complained and was told it's all money....
Don't give in, as I said before you lose either way so you might aswell lose slightly less.

ginplease83 · 14/08/2016 22:04

He said he's 'collecting' vinyls which to me, indicates he wants to take his pic. Make it clear they are yours, left to you in a will and have sentimental value so whilst looking through them he can't just choose what he wants from them.

ginplease83 · 14/08/2016 22:05

Pick-* sorry!!

Sunshineonacloudyday · 14/08/2016 22:31

I wouldn't let him choose you go through the ones you don't want and let him choose what he wants from what you have picked. Don't tell him that just tell him thats all that was given to you.

Sunshineonacloudyday · 14/08/2016 22:33

Griphook at least you got your money back my partner gave his brother a grand and never saw a penny of it back. He told him we are family and I don't need to pay it back to you.

Memoires · 14/08/2016 22:45

DO NOT GIVE AWAY YOUR RECORDS!!!!!! They are yours. It doesn't matter where you keep them (mine are all in a box room, and quite hard to get at, but they matter to me, and I nearly ripped dh's head off when he suggested I didn't want them and he could take them to the dump!).

You have no idea what will happen in the future. You may one day be really down in the dumps and want to play one of them, only to remember that you gave that one to dn who then sold it for 50 quid......

Your parents wanted you to have them. For all you know they may have been thinking that if one day you find yourself in need you might be able to sell them.

Why on earth did your dn get a turntable if he's got nothing to play on it? He's old enough to know that he'll have to buy a bit of vinyl to go with it so let him do just that. Did your bro buy him the player in the expectation that you could be guilt-tripped into giving up some of your LPs?

How do you know that your dn doesn't have pretensions of being a dj and will use your parents' collection for practise and scratch them all up?

Arkhamasylum · 14/08/2016 22:50

I think my problem would be the fact that your brother said you 'took' the records and that your nephew should ask you about them for his collection, almost as if he was requesting access to something which was of communal ownership.

I don't think it's your nephew's fault. It sounds as if your brother has given him the wrong information. If he'd asked you if you had any duplicates, or records you didn't want, that would have acknowledged the fact that they were yours.

They're your property. You don't need to dish them out to anyone. You did the right thing by clarifying this with your nephew. I think it was fairly manipulative of your brother to get his son to call you.

Don't let yourself be bullied. They're yours, to do with as you wish.

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