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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not allow nephew to pick through my late parents things

99 replies

finlayargyle · 13/08/2016 20:41

Hello all.

Avid follower, 1st time poster.

Following a very messy family fall out regarding my parents will, I'm not very close to one brother. We've made amends that we're friendly but there's still a lot of hurt.

My parents left me their vinyl collection- loads of 60s and 70s singer-songwriter types. It has literally no monetary value. They left it to me as I had an interest and had my own vinyl collection.

Since they died and we cleared their house, the collection has stayed in my attic.

Tonight my brother's son (16) rang me to say he'd got turntable and was collecting vinyl. He said 'my dad told me to ring you as you took granny and grandads vinyl'.

I said no they left me it in their Will. I didn't give him much of a lift but I know he had been prompted by my brother and it was heading towards a situation whereby nephew wanted to look for records to take for himself.

Aibu that this isn't on?!

OP posts:
hippydippybaloney · 13/08/2016 21:50

He probably thinks they're worth something.

Heidi42 · 13/08/2016 21:51

Tell him he can have them after your days but until then they are yours too precious to impart to anyone else

WeekendAway · 13/08/2016 22:02

If you were listening to them and enjoying them I could see your point but if they are in your attic and you believe them to have no monetary value then I'm not quite sure what the issue is, beyong not wanting to let your brother point score over you. Confused

I'll bet they are worth more money than you think.

UnderseaPineapple · 13/08/2016 22:03

YANBU. Don't give in to the emotional blackmail on this thread and from your brother and nephew. The vinyl is yours to do as you please and it pleases you to keep them.

The posters who say give in and give the vinyl to your nephew sound as if they are family bullies.

UnderseaPineapple · 13/08/2016 22:05

I'll bet they are worth more money than you think.

And that is why the brother and nephew want them.

Jesus, why are people insisting the OP should give her stuff away just because some jumped up brat and his father wants them?

NotCitrus · 13/08/2016 22:07

It's not the nephew's fault his father is a knob.
Offer him some or don't, but it's got nothing to do with his father.

airforsharon · 13/08/2016 22:09

No you're right, it's not on. Being the bigger person just means you will lose out on records that were deliberately left to you, by your parents.

Your DB and nephews attitude is crap, don't let them walk all over you.

And i'm not sure why some posters assume being in your attic = you don't value them or want them? Confused Sometimes the attic is the only safe, spacious storage area in the house.

SteamTrainsRealAleandOpenFires · 13/08/2016 22:09

You're going to begrudge a 16yo a few records so that they can gather dust in your attic as they were "left" to you. You are not only unreasonable but rather selfish and mean-spirited.

Have you got any antiques left to you, that are stored a parlour? If so? I want them as I want to start collecting antiques.

TimeIhadaNameChange · 13/08/2016 22:13

Don't you DARE let him pick through them!

I know it doesn't seem like a big deal to many posters, but I have been in a similar situation, and I absolutely dread how things are going to be when my mother dies. Going by the past it's going to be painful.

It's my sister who's a bully and a narc. When my mum downsized she demanded a list of everything I had taken from the house. All I took were my own possessions (hadn't really settled myself by then so it had made sense to leave what I could). Among these were a set of books my mum had given to me ten years earlier, after checking with my sister that she was ok with this (twice, she said yes both times) and actually buying her a set of the same anyway.

Fast forward ten years and I take them with me. My sister then screams at my mother that she'd seen the books and thought they were hers, and was furious I'd 'stolen' them from her. Despite admitting she had the same books at home. In the end my mother rang me and made me agree that I was just looking after the books for my sister, while admitting that they had been mine for ten years.

These books are in no way special, or valuable. You can buy the set on Ebay for less than fifty quid. And she has a set in better condition. I know it's the thought these belonged to my mum, but trust me, she took a lot from the house that had been my parents. It's simply the fact that she cannot bear me to have anything whatsoever.

So OP, please, I beg you, don't let your nephew see them.

pictish · 13/08/2016 22:15

Jumped up brat? Do you know this boy personally?

I'm in two minds. I don't see any point in them gathering dust in the attic though.

WeekendAway · 13/08/2016 22:18

You could always just lie and say you sold them all to a dealer for a couple of hundred quid.

foursillybeans · 13/08/2016 22:18

Life is short and belongings are really just stuff hanging around. Give them away but you don't give away the memories. Hold on to the good memories and share the belongings around. You'll feel better for it. If you have a few favourites then remove them before you let him look through them.

MudCity · 13/08/2016 22:21

YANBU. They are yours to do with as you please. if you choose to keep them as a set in your attic, that is your prerogative. That's not, in any way, unreasonable. They are yours now, not your parents'....I think that sometimes this fact gets forgotten when we inherit items...that they become YOURS just as items you have purchased are yours! Other family members do not have any rights over them, whether they like it or not.

MudCity · 13/08/2016 22:23

SteamTrains Spot on!

SteamTrainsRealAleandOpenFires · 13/08/2016 22:23

OP regarding the photos ask for copies either from the negs or professional reproductions of the actual photos.

DeathStare · 13/08/2016 22:25

Let's not all jump on the nephew. He is a child who was told by his dad to ring and ask. He just did as a trusted adult told him - he's not to know he can't really trust his dad.

1Catherine1 · 13/08/2016 22:25

I think YANBU. I would however offer to allow him to "look", to not do so is mean-spirited. I would also correct the misconception that you "took" them, you didn't, they were given to you, they are yours.

Chances are the boy won't take you up on the offer of looking at them if he just wanted more, but perhaps you have misunderstood. Maybe DN has a genuine interest and would enjoy looking through them and listening to them at your house. Surely this would be ok?

JenLindley · 13/08/2016 22:27

The posters who say give in and give the vinyl to your nephew sound as if they are family bullies.

Hmm
Inertia · 13/08/2016 22:30

I'd be more bothered about being 'forced' to step down as executor of the will - are you sure that everything was settled in a legally correct manner, and have you left yourself liable to any challenges by not fulfilling any legal duties?

I'd probably buy nephew a couple of albums to start him off, but reinforce that your parents left the vinyl to you to add to your existing collection - 'taking' is completely the wrong verb.

UnderseaPineapple · 13/08/2016 22:30

Honestly, why are you insisting she should give away her stuff?

And you can throw all the confused emojis you want.

HarryPottersMagicWand · 13/08/2016 22:31

YANBU. It's a shame as it's not your nephew's fault but given the appalling behaviour of your brother, I wouldn't hand over a thing. He sounds like a twat.

I can forsee this sort of shit when my GPs pass away. So can they to the point they have put a letter with their Will explaining a few things. There is something that is specifically left to me but if my aunts can get away with it, I can guarantee I won't see it. Thankfully I have been made fully aware so I can anticipate any crap they may pull. Stick to your guns.

ConkerTriumphant · 13/08/2016 22:32

Tell them all to fuck off. You don't have to give your brother anything.

JenLindley · 13/08/2016 22:32

Honestly, why are you insisting she should give away her stuff?

I didn't. Hth.

FYI that wasn't a confused emoji.

Cantusethatname · 13/08/2016 22:35

I'm not a family bully.
It's hard to explain. I carry my lost family with me everywhere and having stuff of theirs doesn't make the loss of them any better or any worse. It is just stuff, and when I die it won't go with me.

Do whatever is best for you. All I meant is that it is just stuff. Just old vinyl records. And maybe in 50 years time the nephew having a couple of them and remembering his old aunt fondly is a good thing.

SharkBaitOohHaha · 13/08/2016 22:39

I don't think YABU about not wanting your nephew to pick through and take some of the vinyls. You could just say that they were left to you and have sentimental value, but give him some recommendations of records / where to buy them?

Not liking the assumption of some on this thread that the nephew is a jumped up little brat / whatever else has been inferred. Chances are, he's been told by his dad that his aunt has a collection of vinyls, who don't you ask her for some? It isn't his fault his dad might have other motives, and I don't blame the nephew for asking tbh.