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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Alarm bells ?

55 replies

Wrenniecat1970 · 13/08/2016 13:43

Seen a FB exchange between DH and a female friend of his.

Her ....you still OK for tomorrow? ( to meet in our local pub).
DH.... should be ( few details about his day)
Her.... Is Mrs ( my surname) ?
DH...... no, she's at work.
Her..... Bummer. Lol.

Bummer. Lol ? Am I right to be a bit suspicious of this. DH has not cheated on me nor given me any reason to think he has but he did cheat on his FW. Quite a few times.

I am a bit low ( with good reason) at the moment and I admit I have taken it out on him. I'm not that nice to be around at all to be honest.

The night of this exchange he stayed out later than I was expecting and came home very drunk.

OP posts:
biscuitkumquat · 13/08/2016 13:48

Doesn't sound suspicious to me.

Is there anything in his behaviour that would suggest anything going on?

IForgotWhoIAm · 13/08/2016 13:48

I'm curious as to why/how you came to read the exchange. The fact that he went out drinking with a friend is hardly suspicious.

Original poster
Wrenniecat1970 · 13/08/2016 13:55

I read the exchange as his FB is far more interesting than mine tbh and we don't have a problem with looking at each others phones / share his ipad. In this instance I was looking good for some photos he had recently posted but did it on his iPad and not my phone.

OP posts:
Original poster
Wrenniecat1970 · 13/08/2016 13:56

Other than this absolute zero to be suspicious of.

OP posts:
SalemSaberhagen · 13/08/2016 13:57

Oh OP, admit you were snooping.

Sparklesilverglitter · 13/08/2016 13:57

It doesn't sound suspicious to me.

DeathStare · 13/08/2016 13:58

I don't see anything even slightly suspicious about it. If anything the female friend seems to have wanted you there (hence her saying "bummer" and then "LOL" to try to make it clear to your DH that it wasn't meant as a dig at him).

What is that you are seeing as suspicious?

TellMeSomethingNew · 13/08/2016 13:59

Sounds like a petty sarcastic remark to me. Any half-decent person would have said "Oh that's a shame. Maybe she can come along next time".

IForgotWhoIAm · 13/08/2016 13:59

Hm - seems strange that you went on looking for photo's and accidentally stumbled into his private messages, but okay, if you guys are fine with it or it happened innocently then that's your business.

I think from what you've said it sounds like he's NBU but I don't think you are either - it sounds like you have a lot going on, you've said yourself that you're down at the moment and you're clearly keenly aware of the fact that he's cheated previously. Is there more to the story of the night he went out? Reasons why you think he cheated? The exchange you've posted does seem pretty innocent but you might be seeing stuff that we're not because you're there and directly involved or you might be seeing stuff that's not there 'cause you're more upset than normal rn and probably feeling a bit vulnerable or like you're just waiting for the next bad thing. What do you think?

Original poster
Wrenniecat1970 · 13/08/2016 14:08

Not private messages. It was the post directly before the photos I was looking for. I whizzed through his face book to find the pictures. The comment were the post direct above. Not snoping as until this I have never had the need. All devises in this house are free for each other to pick up and use. He often asks me to answer his phone / look and see who it is.

I always thought lol after I post meant the post was not sincere. I have never met this friend and it's only recently they seem to be seeking out each others company . Always at our local pub.

OP posts:
confusedandemployed · 13/08/2016 14:09

I'm not sure I would call it suspicious on its own but I would not like that response from his friend.

Original poster
Wrenniecat1970 · 13/08/2016 14:12

I don't think he has cheated yet. Just seeing the start of the inevitable I suppose.

OP posts:
ReginaBlitz · 13/08/2016 14:12

Oh ffs "bummer lol" is basically saying that's a shame.. Not. It's downright rude towards you.

thesnailandthewhale · 13/08/2016 14:15

It's enough to have alerted you and no doubt will make you have your hackles raised each time she is mentioned / dh is late home. Personally if I was in your position I would read it as "bummer - ha ha" ... and I would assume he had been whinging about me to her. I wouldn't necessarily see it that there is anything going on between them but would be aware of her and monitoring if they seemed to be increasing the amount of time together and whether there was emotional involvement going on there. Good luck op x

WorraLiberty · 13/08/2016 14:22

The 'Lol' was probably because she used the word 'Bummer'?

trafalgargal · 13/08/2016 14:24

Do you have jealousy issues generally?

The fact it wasn't a PM but on a page confirms as I saw it as innocent . To assume a partner is cheating on the basis of "bummer lol" is completely ridiculous You are either very immature or very insecure ....or there are other signs you've made no mention of that are making you uber sensitive .

Pearlman · 13/08/2016 14:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

trafalgargal · 13/08/2016 14:31

That's a huge leap that the OPs partner is whinging about her....transference much ?

OnionKnight · 13/08/2016 14:32

There is nothing to be suspicious about going by that exchange.

TheNaze73 · 13/08/2016 14:36

I would be seeing a SHL immediately......

It's blatant.... Biscuit

Original poster
Wrenniecat1970 · 13/08/2016 14:36

He could well be whinging about me and I thought that too . I've given him cause I guess.

OP posts:
Pearlman · 13/08/2016 14:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LizzieVereker · 13/08/2016 14:43

I don't think he is cheating, given everything you've said. (Comments made in public, devices being freely accessible etc.) But I would read "Bummer. LOL" at best as "That's a shame, but ha ha, we can still have a night out!" I find that mean and disrespectful. I'm sorry you gave been made to feel thus way.

JanetStWalker · 13/08/2016 14:48

She sounds like a right sarky bitch, I think you're right to be wary about her. Doesn't sound like anything is going on between them but I'd be keen to nip it in the bud now.

CleanKingdom · 13/08/2016 14:51

Id be careful of her - sounds like it's about to happen. I'd walk in the pub (with friends by coincidence) and catch them. See how they react. Sounds dodgy to me.