Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Alarm bells ?

55 replies

Wrenniecat1970 · 13/08/2016 13:43

Seen a FB exchange between DH and a female friend of his.

Her ....you still OK for tomorrow? ( to meet in our local pub).
DH.... should be ( few details about his day)
Her.... Is Mrs ( my surname) ?
DH...... no, she's at work.
Her..... Bummer. Lol.

Bummer. Lol ? Am I right to be a bit suspicious of this. DH has not cheated on me nor given me any reason to think he has but he did cheat on his FW. Quite a few times.

I am a bit low ( with good reason) at the moment and I admit I have taken it out on him. I'm not that nice to be around at all to be honest.

The night of this exchange he stayed out later than I was expecting and came home very drunk.

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 13/08/2016 14:54

I wouldn't like it - I read it as "Oh WHAT a shame" in a sarcastic voice.

crossroads3 · 13/08/2016 14:56

"Bummer. LOL." Is rude. It also implies she thinks your dh is OK with this rudeness about you, which would imply some level of familiarity between them and his having moaned about you.

Would be my interpretation.

Have you asked your dh about it OP?

SleepFreeZone · 13/08/2016 15:02

I would assume he has been whinging to her about you. Have you met her OP?

OreosAreTasty · 13/08/2016 15:10

Wow what a leap to make Confused

TellMeSomethingNew · 13/08/2016 15:22

Yep Cross me too

DeathStare · 13/08/2016 15:32

What's so rude about "bummer lol" ? Genuine question.

I have used it in exactly this situation and never thought it could possibly be interpreted as rude. Nothing sarky about it at all when I've used it. I've genuinely been saying it's a shame the other person couldn't come.

Gallievans · 13/08/2016 15:38

Ask if you can join them next time? The reaction to that will show if you have cause to worry OP.

Pearlman · 13/08/2016 15:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DeathStare · 13/08/2016 15:44

Yes, DeathStare, but "LOL" means she means the opposite of "bummer"

For me, I put the "lol" to indicate to my friend that it's a light-hearted comment. Otherwise I think it would sound rude, but rude towards the person I'm talking to. Ie as if I was saying "it's going to be a disappointing night if it's just you and not your wife"

I have honestly done this LOADS. I could even be the woman in the OP 's post. As far as I know everyone has always understood what I meant. Certainly their responses have indicated that they interpret it the way I intend

Pearlman · 13/08/2016 15:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bagina · 13/08/2016 16:04

Way too cosy. Even if there's nothing untoward going on, she should not be being rude about her friend's wife (which she is). She's being rude and disrespectful. I wouldn't want him being around her. He's obviously been talking about you being a pita which is also not on in my book. I'd get myself down the local with them to check her out, even if it's just for a pint "on your way out". I'd be getting more of a feel for their friendship and would be asserting myself in my role as wife. But that's me.

NavyandWhite · 13/08/2016 16:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TellMeSomethingNew · 13/08/2016 19:47

Death it's just not a genuine response. Has anyone ever used the words "oh bummer, lol" after being told upsetting or actual bad news?

debbs77 · 13/08/2016 19:56

I'd be nervous too. But hoping that it being public for all to see means it is innocent

Original poster
Wrenniecat1970 · 13/08/2016 21:07

Thank you for the comments. Helpful knowing that what I felt when I saw the post on FB was not completely unreasonable ( for a change.lol). X

OP posts:
DeathStare · 13/08/2016 21:11

Death it's just not a genuine response. Has anyone ever used the words "oh bummer, lol" after being told upsetting or actual bad news?

Well, yeah..... as I said I do fairly frequently. In these exact circumstances. And I do genuinely mean that it's a bummer the other person can't come.

I am actually seriously thinking I could be the person the OP talking about.

Careforadrink · 13/08/2016 21:12

Yanbu

I would be wary and given his previous history it would be a bit of a red flag to me.

ollieplimsoles · 13/08/2016 21:14

You say he cheated in his fw,

Were you the ow?

IForgotWhoIAm · 13/08/2016 21:14

Death you're not alone, I would say that sort of thing too. I often use "lol" to lighten a comment, and honestly had to read the original convo and the responses from others a few times to understand that some people would take it the other way, it's never really occurred to me.

DeathStare · 13/08/2016 21:16

iforgot - phew. I'm glad there are at least two of us!

plimsolls · 13/08/2016 21:19

I would read "Bummer, lol" as a friendly tease against the husband. As in "it's a bummer she's not coming because that means I'm stuck with just you. Only kidding, you're not that bad. "

So a bit of a crap joke and poorly written, but nothing dodgy. Particularly as its not even in a private message.

Original poster
Wrenniecat1970 · 13/08/2016 21:22

Plimsolls. No I wasn't. He'd been divorced many years when I met him.

OP posts:
MistressMerryWeather · 13/08/2016 21:23

She could just be an 'LOLer'.

Some people just use it a lot.

plimsolls · 13/08/2016 21:24

Oh! I was confused for a second by your response, OP. There are two of us with v similar names. Hi ollieplimsoles!

DeathStare · 13/08/2016 21:26

plimsolls That's EXACTLY how I mean it when I say it. And -as far as I can tell - that's exactly how it has always been taken.

Swipe left for the next trending thread