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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About my mum and my brothers wife

104 replies

Sunshinerainbows123 · 11/08/2016 13:42

So I went to work for a kit day yesterday and my mum had my dd for the day this is the first full day she's had her. When she's had her for an hour she always says she cried a lot and I tried everything to soothe her which makes me anxious as mum is going to have dd 2 days a week when I go back to work. Yesterday my mum called my sil (brothers wife) who has two boys to come round to see if she could get my dd to settle as shed tried everything and didn't want to bother me while at work. Apparently sil got my dd to sleep and settled her. She then left her youngest ds with my mum who's just had an op so she could take my oldest nephew swimming as apparently he's had a boring few days with his brother swimming and my mum said definitely go she'll be fine with the little ones because dd had gone to sleep and I was due back in an hour.
Aibu to think my mum should have just spent the day with my dd on her own and sil shouldn't have left youngest nephew when she knows my dd had been unsettled

OP posts:
SquidgyRedBall · 11/08/2016 14:52
Hmm
bluebeck · 11/08/2016 14:56

Oh dear, yes YABVU.

However, I am trying to be kind here, pay heed as it doesn't happen very often Smile

How do you actually feel about going back to work? Are you raring to get away or are you dreading it? I am wondering if this pfb silliness about DM having 100% focus whilst she looks after DD is a bit of a distraction of your feelings about leaving DD?

If you don't think DM s going to be able to look after DD 2 days a week, you might need to have a serious chat with her about it. She may welcome it. Good luck

PenelopePitstops · 11/08/2016 14:57

YABU

Although this is a good example of the aibu pattern

OP: aibu
Posters: yes
OP : you're all wrong

Jackie0 · 11/08/2016 14:59

The only thing you should be feeling right now is gratitude. !
Unbelievable Angry

AgathaF · 11/08/2016 15:00

You need to stop angsting over this. It's a non-event. Your SIL did your mum a favour, your baby was asleep and even if she woke, well, so what?

Let it go and be happy that your DD will have play mates in the future when she's at her granny's house.

CatNip2 · 11/08/2016 15:04

YABU

Mybugslife · 11/08/2016 15:26

I think this is more a case of jealousy. Your DM has your nephews more than she has your DD, spends more time with them, and you think that your DD should have that time too? maybe you feel she's gets pushed to the back? maybe is the fact you DM and SIL have a good relationship and its you who feels pushed to the back?
Sorry but YABU. Your DM clearly wants to help out as much as she can....she's obviously more than capable of looking after more than 1 child at a time, after all she has had children of her own!
if you want 1-1 care then you need to employ a nanny, even childcare in a nursery type setting is not 1-1! surely its good for your DD to interact with other kids, especially her own family. stop being so precious and thank your DM for looking after you DD and thanks you SIL for helping out

foursillybeans · 11/08/2016 15:28

Yes YABU. Very unreasonable actually.

BodsAuntieFlo · 11/08/2016 15:39

I have 4 DGC. I often have one when DIL goes to work. If DD or DS came in and asked me to mind their children when they went off to do something I'm more than happy to. I wouldn't be dictated to by one of my children who expected me to have their child alone over any of the others. YABVVU and precious. I do a lot of childcare for my DC and their partners over the summer as I'm on holiday but no way would I be minding one child and not the others if they needed me.

Memoires · 11/08/2016 15:46

This is all helping your dd forge bonds with other members of the family, which will increase her sense of security, in turn helping her to become a well-balanced human being when she's an adult.

DeathStare · 11/08/2016 20:18

Yes. You're being incredibly unreasonable. If you want to choose who else your childcarer spends their time with then you have to employ a nanny.

I assume your mother has experience of having two children at once - you and your brother? Your two nephews?

It sounds like she is more than capable of deciding what she can cope with. And given that your DD is the one she struggles with the most (at the moment, I'm sure this will change) I'd be very careful about setting down expectations that she drops everything else and just sits in alone with a fractious baby, because she'd be being perfectly reasonable to tell you where to stick that.

Ameliablue · 11/08/2016 20:30

Yabu

sue51 · 11/08/2016 20:53

Your sil was doing you a favour by helping mil settle the baby. Say thank you and be grateful.

Tissunnyupnorth · 11/08/2016 21:30

How did you thank your SIL for bringing her two sons out, one who had just had an op, by phone or text?

CurlyMoo · 11/08/2016 21:44

Ok OP has admitted that she is feeling jealous and she is probably anxious about going back to work after her PFB so we should maybe cut her some slack.

For what it is worth OP I was second-raised by my GP's with my siblings and cousins. I rarely remember a time when it was 1-2-1, and it was absolutely great. I grew up with a very close bond to my cousins that I really want mine to have. Your dd at such a young age will not mind sharing time with her cousins. However, if this is something that is likely to cause resentment for you then it is probably best to source other childcare.

quicklydecides · 11/08/2016 21:48

Are you paying market rates for this one on one care you want?
Or are you paying above market rates and that's why you are being so fussy?
Perhaps if you tell us we might be better able to judge.
I mean if you are paying child minder rates for one to one, that's gotta be very expensive right?

witchofzog · 11/08/2016 22:31

yet ANOTHER thread where the op doesn't bother to come back. Precious not to mention boring

Only1scoop · 11/08/2016 22:34

I'd just be grateful to your sil and DM and wouldn't even give it a second thought

PaulAnkaTheDog · 11/08/2016 22:40

Fucking hell...

Firsttimer82 · 11/08/2016 23:00

YABVVVU Sorry

blowmybarnacles · 11/08/2016 23:06

YABVU.

Ask again when you have had two children and can see it from the other side.

HarryPottersMagicWand · 11/08/2016 23:07

You are upset? Wft?

YABVU and need a very large grip. When your DD is older, surely it will be nice for her to see and play with her cousins. It would never occur to me to think my child had to have all the attention from grandma. She is free to have her other GC too, yours isn't the only one you know.

bakeoffcake · 11/08/2016 23:12

Your mum sounds lovely
Your SIL sounds lovely

You sound like you need to breath deeply, chill out and thank your lovely family.

sexyfish · 11/08/2016 23:22

YABVU.

Your family sound lovely and you are lucky to have them. If you are not happy maybe you should consider alternative childcare.

BastardGoDarkly · 11/08/2016 23:38

Ah, that went well then op? Grin

For my two penneth, I think you should count your lucky stars, you have a nice Mam AND SIL that you get on with!

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