About my mum and my brothers wife

[Sunshinerainbows123]

So I went to work for a kit day yesterday and my mum had my dd for the day this is the first full day she's had her. When she's had her for an hour she always says she cried a lot and I tried everything to soothe her which makes me anxious as mum is going to have dd 2 days a week when I go back to work. Yesterday my mum called my sil (brothers wife) who has two boys to come round to see if she could get my dd to settle as shed tried everything and didn't want to bother me while at work. Apparently sil got my dd to sleep and settled her. She then left her youngest ds with my mum who's just had an op so she could take my oldest nephew swimming as apparently he's had a boring few days with his brother swimming and my mum said definitely go she'll be fine with the little ones because dd had gone to sleep and I was due back in an hour.
Aibu to think my mum should have just spent the day with my dd on her own and sil shouldn't have left youngest nephew when she knows my dd had been unsettled

[Gazelda]

I'm afraid YABU. Of course your DM can have people over while she's looking after your DD.

Have you and she discussed your expectations for the 2 days each week while you work? She might well take her to baby groups, introduce her to other grannies with grandkids, take her places you'd like to take her etc.

I can understand your trepidation about a whole new chapter in your DD's life, but if you trust your DM enough to ask her provide childcare 2 days per week, then you must trust her judgement on visitors, outings, activities etc.

[TheNaze73]

I see the school holidays are in full swing

[RaptorInaPorkPieHat]

The only thing that would bother me is she doesn't sound very confident with your DD and so maybe 2 days a week will be too much for her. Other than that I don't see an issue with her enlisting your SIL's help.

[Redglitter]

Do you expect your mum to sit in the house doing nothing but literally watching your daughter when she's watching her

YABVVU - it's unanimous

[WipsGlitter]

I don't think you're being totally unreasonable. You were hoping she would focus on DD and try to get used to her.

You might want to come up with a back-up plan though in case you mum changes her mind!!

[Mummyoflittledragon]

You sound like an anxious first time mum. It was so lovely of your Sil to come and help out. I really don't understand the issue. I'm sure your mother was perfectly able to mind two children. However, I think the issue with settling your DD needs to be resolved. Is either your mum anxious about having your DD or are you putting her under pressure to perform because you are anxious yourself?

[Lunar1]

Why aren't you asking what you can do to thank your SIL for stepping in to help with your dd?

[Alisvolatpropiis]

"My brothers wife".

Your sister in law, mother of your brothers children.

Are you narked your mum hasn't ditched all interest in her older grandchildren and her daughter in law now that you, her daughter, have provided a grandchild or something?

[mydietstartsmonday]

I think YABU, it was very nice of your SIL to go round and it gave you mum a bit of confidence.

[Mummaaaaaah]

GAHHHH! Someone else who has the bloody nerve to complain at DMs MILs or any other family members looking after YOUR DCs, for free! As someone who has no support whatsoever from any family (no fault of theirs, they live overseas, work or are poorly) I cannot get over your entitled attitude. you should be blimmin grateful she is looking after your DC at all, and thankful SIL took time out of HER day to go round and help. So yes, you ABVU!!

[Sunshinerainbows123]

My youngest nephew had the op which was why sil wanted to take older nephew out as they hadn't been out in a few days which after reading your response I suppose I can understand but why not pick a different day to do it? My mum always has had the boys and she's never struggled with them. It's just upset me. For what it's worth we do actually all get on

[LewisAndClark]

My mum and dad have had my DD for two day. I've also noticed from FB that they've had my niece and nephew as well. Should I tear a strip off them? Or just be grateful they are giving DD a lovely time?

[SheHasAWildHeart]

Your SIL sounds lovely. Your baby obviously likes her.
If you're so concerned about your mum's capacity to look after children after having an op, then maybe you shouldn't have dropped your DC off for her to look after - a child that she's previously had problems settling.

[NoFuchsGiven]

but why not pick a different day to do it?

Because she was already there soothing your Child

[chameleon43]

so she had both kids for one hour and you think that was unreasonable? But surely your dd then slept for the whole hour?

if your dm has your dd when you go back to work, are you really expecting her to do nothing else but look after your dd when she has her?

hmm...

[Alisvolatpropiis]

I think you're being really precious but I understand it's tough when you have a young baby and you're leaving them with someone else for the first few times. Even if that someone else is your mum.

It will get easier. Don't let this upset you, especially if you all usually get on

[Sunshinerainbows123]

Maybe I am being a bit jealous. Sil is like the baby whisperer all babies love her. But I don't think I'm totally unreasonable for wanting my mum and dd to have one on one time together

[MunchCrunch01]

it sounds as though your issue more is that your mum finds your DD difficult and you feel criticized perhaps? Don't rock the boat - your mum will get used to DD, having involved family, gp, sils etc is worth its weight in solid gold as long as they're not mad, which yours aren't. Mine always have to go to nursery, a (not family) paid nanny, holiday clubs etc and it's just not the same at all. Be thankful for them and try not to feel criticized, i know it's easier said than done.

[MaudGonneMad]

One on one time together? While your DD was asleep?

[NoFuchsGiven]

But op it doesn't sound like your dd and mum were having a good time together 1 on 1. Would you rather your dd spent the whole day crying and your mum spent the whole day stressed as she could not stop it?

[HelsBels3000]

It's just upset me
Please clarify what exactly you are upset by OP?
I'm struggling to understand what the problem is.

[MrsKoala]

But it was 1 hour while she was asleep! How much 1-1 time do you think they were going to have?

[PatriciaHolm]

Where were your 2 boys when this was happening?