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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that 14 (barely) is too young to stay out all night in Soho?

115 replies

overprotective · 11/08/2016 12:50

DS, 14 at the end of July, wants to stay out all night queuing outside a shop he likes in Soho. In the past he's gotten up really early (5am) and taken the a train into town with friends to queue outside the shop. I'm fine with that but feel that overnight is too much.

He was trying to arrange a whole group of boys. Three are now allowed and plan to take the early train. One has gotten permission and one has been told he can do it but only if DS can do it. Now DS is angry because I'm 'ruining it for everyone' by saying no. I'm a bit cheesed off with the parents who put the responsibility for saying no onto me. Now DS feels responsible for whether that boy can go or not. I've offered to stay in a hotel in Soho and DS can come and sleep there then go back early but I don't think the friend would be allowed under those circumstances and it would be unfair for the one boy with permission to stand there on his own.

My concerns are:

They're very young.
The trains stop running overnight so at one point they would be unable to get home if something went wrong.
They will most likely spend their time playing Pokemon Go so their phones will die at some point overnight. Spoke to DS about this and he swears it wouldn't happen but I've heard that before.
They could be in a situation that they are too young to handle.
The nature of Soho overnight with it's bars, strip joints, etc.

I feel quite strongly that it's not appropriate but I'm feeling guilty right now and feeling the pressure. DH is no help. He's away on a business trip and I think he would be OK with it as he finds it hard to say no to the children. I'm always the bad cop. Usually that's fine but I hate that everyone (including the other parents) have shifted the responsibility onto me for this.

Help me mumsnetters! AIBU?

OP posts:

trafalgargal · 11/08/2016 13:49

But that's cos my coolness doesn't extend to freezing all night on a camping stool

bloodyteenagers · 11/08/2016 13:49

Op, look at the Anti-social behaviour Act 2003, section 30, then scroll down to 6.

www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/2003/38/section/30

If, between the hours of 9pm and 6am, a constable in uniform finds a person in any public place in the relevant locality who he has reasonable grounds for believing—
(a)is under the age of 16, and
(b)is not under the effective control of a parent or a responsible person aged 18 or over,he may remove the person to the person’s place of residence unless he has reasonable grounds for believing that the person would, if removed to that place, be likely to suffer significant harm.

But even without this, it would be a hell no from me.

GoFuckYourselfDailyMail · 11/08/2016 13:50

NO! Soho is an absolute cess pit at 3am in the morning, any day of the week which is why it's so fun

Definitely not for 14 year olds.

Chumpster · 11/08/2016 13:51

I might offer to queue all night with them for a concert or some other experience (but probably not because I like my sleep), but no way a piece of clothing. I'm not dismissing people's love of clothing and the fact its important to your son right now, but I just don't get it so couldn't quite face queuing overnight in the cold for something I don't get! Although I do think it's fun to get caught up in a craze for something when you're a teenager, even if it seems shallow once you're a bit older and wiser...

SpaceDinosaur · 11/08/2016 13:51

Jesus god no!!!

Not on any way.

LunaLoveg00d · 11/08/2016 13:55

I have a son who is 6 months younger and there is NO WAY I would let him do this, don't care if that makes me the uncool Mum.

heron98 · 11/08/2016 14:02

At first I was all ready to say no but actually, thinking about it, I think it sounds ok.

There's a group of them, they have a reason to be there, there'll be other people in the queue and it's a busy area where they could get help if they needed it.

mydietstartsmonday · 11/08/2016 14:02

I am fairly liberal and believe in giving children staged and controlled independence (got that sounds pretentious) but I would say no to this.
So stick to your guns he will survive.

Gowgirl · 11/08/2016 14:08

To the posters saying yes, have you been to soho at 3am recently? If it was the gig in Camden that came up not long ago I would be the first to say let him go.

smallfox2002 · 11/08/2016 14:09

Hell no!

Go tell him the thing about the Police being able to pick them up and bring them home. There are always bobbies on the beat through Soho at night, and something like this will mean that they are more likely to be around and paying attention to who is in the queue.

The police wouldn't bring them home btw, they'd call you and the other parents. So your son and his mates would likely spend most of the night in the front office of either West End Central or Charring Cross police stations where some hacked off duty Sargent would be waiting to give you and the others a bollocking for the waste of police time.

Soho is not as scummy as it once was, but still is no place for anyone under 18 to be hanging around at night.

manicinsomniac · 11/08/2016 14:09

Not a chance!

My eldest will be 14 at the end of November and she isn't even allowed to get the train into London without an adult during the day time yet. And I don't think that's unusual.

I'd also say he goes with you or not at all.

ExtraHotLatteToGo · 11/08/2016 14:14

Not A Hope.

You've gone above & beyond the call of duty offering to go with them or stay in a hotel nearby and you've had it chucked back at you. He's barely 14!

I wouldn't have offered either of those solutions for clothing. No way. Concert, new game, new iPhone maybe if it was something he really had his heart set on, but clothes...nope. Yes that's me 'judging' , but if I'm quequng on the bloody street all night I'm allowed to 😁

Brankolium · 11/08/2016 14:16

No!

Easy solution with the curfew though. Your DS says to his friends:

"There's a curfew in London which will cause problems for us if we get seen by a police officer. We have two choices - my mum can come with us or we can leave it for another time, what do you all want to do?"

Iamdobby63 · 11/08/2016 14:16

Absolutely not. Parents of teenagers all get the 'everyone else is allowed to' and the other child who can if your son does is probably just using emotional blackmail.

Have you actually spoken to the other parents?

givemushypeasachance · 11/08/2016 14:22

I've queued up overnight in Covent Garden for theatre tickets before and it's a cold, sleepless and boring time, even when you're with friends. People can get pissed off with it all and want to bail - or at the least you need to trek to the closest McDs to use the loo and get a coffee, so you can't guarantee them all sticking together. We had drunk people staggering over to talk to us in the small hours, they were polite enough but not everyone is. I wouldn't recommend young teenagers doing it unsupervised.

SweetChickadee · 11/08/2016 14:22

Unless Soho has changed immeasurably in the last few years there's not a chance. Very unsavory in the middle of the night for adults, let alone kids.

SirVixofVixHall · 11/08/2016 14:22

Another NO here. Soho at 3 am? There can be situations that are tough for an adult, so a child- Ye Gods no. Even with an older sibling as a minder. Even more so as they are really young. 16 would still be too young in my book, but just turned 14 ? It is very young. Too young to be trusted to deal with a difficult situation properly. Too young to be left alone while mates whizz off to the loo somewhere. Too young to judge risk and act accordingly. Old enough to get a train somewhere alone in the daytime with friends, but not anywhere near old enough to stay on the streets for a night.

Toxicity · 11/08/2016 14:26

I have been in that Supreme shop and thought the clothes were really nothing special and so overpriced! I felt about 100 when I went in there as I just didn't get it but I guess I am not the target customer!

I would say no, you've been decent giving him options but they are a wee bit young to be out all night imo.

wizzywig · 11/08/2016 14:28

Where would he go to the loo? Id be wondering about all that stuff. But itd be a no from me. By the way are you giving him money for the clothes?

BlackberryandNettle · 11/08/2016 14:30

I'd definetly say no, early train is more than reasonable. Maybe offer a sleepover first? Soho will be crawling with drunks, pickpockets and police overnight and I think the police would question it.

To be honest I'd say no at 16 too but for different reasons - imagine the temptation to wander off and try a few pubs/bars...

BlackberryandNettle · 11/08/2016 14:32

Definitely even

NobodyInParticular · 11/08/2016 14:32

No. The idea of one of them having to walk off down the road to McDs for a pee and leaving the other alone in the queue is too scary.

I'd only say yes to this if you could book a hotel room directly overlooking the queue, that way you can keep an eye on them, especially while one of them pops back to the room to have a pee and grab an extra jumper. Or if you queue with them of course.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 11/08/2016 14:39

Sleepover and early train, and I was a seasoned 'camping out for tickets' gal back in the day. I didn't get to stay out until I was 15/16 though, at 14 I would have had to catch the early bus.

(I can just hear my mother saying 'you can't get up for school but you can get up at 4am to go and get tickets for that bloody band' so thanks for a nice memory OP )

Theladyloriana · 11/08/2016 14:39

No. Absolutely not. And I lived in soho for years. It is simply not safe for young kids over night.

Original poster

overprotective · 11/08/2016 14:44

It's a good point about what they'd do when they needed the loo. It's down to just three of them so one of them would either be alone in the queue or walking down to McD's alone.

DS has accepted that it's not going to happen on their own and is now asking me to sit with them for the overnight bit. Trying to sort out sleepover for DD (10) and the dog but feeling rather resentful of the drama and bad behaviour I've had this morning from DS. Teenagers!

OP posts:

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