To not want a bloody disco piss up for my wedding.

[Peppatina]

I've been called snobby, a party pooper and boring.

So as not to drip feed I have high functioning autism. So does dd but she is much more sensory than me.

The traditional family wedding around here is a huge church wedding with all the relatives (there would be hundreds) then to a noisy pub back room with awful flashy lights. Where every one will proceed to get pissed, probably fight, at the very least have a few tiffs.

I was willing to consider this when it would just be me that was extremely uncomfortable but I refuse to put dd through that amount of torment and meltdowns on what I want to be a nice day for us.

Any other idea I come up with is being torn apart by relatives who don't really understand autism. I just wanted to vent on here really before I send confetti bombs out.

'Oh don't you want to share your being day with your family?'

No. There are about 200 of the fuckers I only see when there is free booze/food on offer. I can't stand most of them or crowds. I want a few of the people closest to me who I actually see day to day.

I really couldn't give a fuck if Aunty Judy would get upset if little Jimmy whose 40's fifth cousin isn't invited. NONE of you are invited, stick that in your pipe Judy.

'All the family can't afford to/ want to go to the Isle of Wight to that small church that means so much to you as a couple'

Good. You have discovered my master plan.

A) I know damn well you can't/won't. That's the idea (and why I've made it out to be far more expensive tang it actually is )

B) That church means a lot to DP and I even though we aren't religious. We have had many miscarriages but we left a candle there twice when I was 8 weeks pregnant while on holiday and got dd and ds.

'The family will fall out with you if you don't have a big party, we all live a big party and a drink'

Good for you. I hate big parties. So I'm not having one.

Sorry. That felt good though 😄

[SharonfromEON]

This is a day the two of you make a commitment to be together forever..The wedding industry makes far too much money of what is expected..I think many people are starting to see you can do the wedding you want.

I think once you do exactly what you want many in your family will be jelous you had a lovely day with far less stress.

[Peppatina]

Thank you

Oh wow....plucking? I think I'll stick to the onion 😄

I am really looking forward to the big small day. Dd doesn't get to go to many events that aren't too overwhelming for her so it's a double bonus.

I'd say a good two thirds of them wouldn't even know anyway if they weren't told they had missed out on a piss up

[GnomeDePlume]

Good for you, go for it. We had a 26 person registry office wedding followed by lunch 25 years ago today. Still wouldnt have changed it for the world.

All the other family weddings had been huge Cecil B DeMille productions with minimum of 200 of closest family and friends. My idea of hell.

[Pussywillows]

Your wedding sounds like a dream come true.
DH and I decided to choose between having a baby, and then a wedding two years later or the other way around.
We choose a baby and ended up with twins they're 4 months old and great but the added expense means we can't have a big wedding anytime soon, I've told him how much I'd love a tiny intimate romantic wedding with no huge piss up but he's not having any of it, 'I only intend to get married the once I want to make it the biggest day of our lives together'

I'd much rather have a small intimate wedding in the next few years, than spend years saving up for a huge unnecessary bash we won't remember and start our married life together with loads of debt!

#FuckYouJudy

[MammyHester9116]

We had 13 people (inc us!) on our day. Some guest still managed to drink loads and dance the night away.
as soon as we had some food we asked the hotel to put some cake a a jug of them after in our room and we went and ate cake in he bath together! We stayed up till 1am watching Notting hill and talking about our day. It was perfect! And we spent most of the day together!

[Catsize]

We await your future thread pussy

OP, go for the wedding you want - you will regret it otherwise.

[2rebecca]

I think if you have kids the being married bit is much more important than the actual wedding. Can't your partner have his big party in a few years anyway and you just have a quiet wedding in 3 months?
I think the small wedding on the Isle of Wight sounds good. 200 people is mad. If lots of middle aged relatives want a large disco they can organise one.

[FuckFaceMagee]

Have a small get together. No need to invite 200 people.

Fuck em

[LonelyLost]

Have what you want. I dont have Autism, but the boozed up huge party type wedding would be my own nightmare! Congratulations and have a lovely wedding

[BitOutOfPractice]

Your wedding sounds brilliant OP. Have a lovely day

#FuckYouJudy

[MrsMogginsMinge]

You should absolutely get married in Godshill and then have photos taken of you stomping around the model village like an ACTUAL BRIDEZILLA. That would be amazing.

[DrDreReturns]

Your wedding - you and your husband can do what you want!
We were in Godshill a couple of weeks ago, it's a lovely place.

[Jaimx86]

#fuckyoujudy is brilliant!

[AlpacaPicnic]

I did a proper unladylike snort at -
'All the family can't afford to/ want to go to the Isle of Wight to that small church that means so much to you as a couple'

Good. You have discovered my master plan.

Do your thing. Tell them afterwards. Look out for the penguin bollards.
#fuckyoujudy

[AlpacaPicnic]

Ooh, bolding fail! You all know what I meant though...

[bellbottomedtear]

Do it your way and it will mean a lot more to you. Me and dh did registry office and home to our garden small gazebo close friends and family buffet of cold food music in the background. Everyone gone by 11 pm our 2 aged 3 and 18 months in bed by 10pm. We enjoyed as did others

[MilkTwoSugarsThanks]

If you're getting married in the Isle of Wight you should really have some photos with the penguin bollards!

👰🏼🐧

[MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig]

Please come back and tell us how it went!

[DragonsEggsAreAllMine]

We didn't have a disco as I wanted to talk to my guests and most weddings the bride gets about five mins max per person.

We got married, put food and drink on whilst we did photos very quickly then ferried everyone to a restaurant for a meal. More personal, guests not bored and waiting around and kept well fed and watered. I got to sit with everyone and that was amazing.

[Notasinglefuckwasgiven]

Yep do it your way. DH and I told nobody. Camping on Skye and went round the site on the day asking fellow campers if they wanted to drop by at 6 we'd be getting married and providing cake and bubbly. We had 30 strangers, 3 dogs and several kids turn up in wellies. It was beautiful. A couple who were voice coaches spontaneously serenaded us, joined by barking dogs! Everyone had malt, cake and bubbly then back to the campers. Our way and perfect! It's your day! Congratulations and enjoy every second!

[LittleReindeerwithcloggson]

Do YOUR wedding YOUR way! We were exactly the same. Big evening dos not our sort of thing so we went to where we would've gone anyway on honeymoon and got married there with a small family and friends group.

[MothertotheLordsofmisrule]

Yay IOW! Just been on holiday there.

Have a glass of garlic beer to celebrate!

[GabsAlot]

i hate all this family guilt trip they just want a party fuck them

i wnt to vegas with my parents dh parents and sisters was lovly we all had a great holiday too

enjoy your day and #fuckyoujudy !

[OneFlewOverTheDodosNest]

I really couldn't give a fuck if Aunty Judy would get upset if little Jimmy whose 40's fifth cousin isn't invited. NONE of you are invited, stick that in your pipe Judy.

I properly laughed at this bit - good luck OP! Fuck Judy!

[muminthecity]

You sound brilliant OP, your wedding will be lovely. How about having a virtual hen do on mumsnet? We'll all gather online at the allotted time and post photos of us in our #fuckyouJudy tshirts

P.s. Uncle Bob and cousin Vicky can go fuck themselves too