To not want a bloody disco piss up for my wedding.

[Peppatina]

I've been called snobby, a party pooper and boring.

So as not to drip feed I have high functioning autism. So does dd but she is much more sensory than me.

The traditional family wedding around here is a huge church wedding with all the relatives (there would be hundreds) then to a noisy pub back room with awful flashy lights. Where every one will proceed to get pissed, probably fight, at the very least have a few tiffs.

I was willing to consider this when it would just be me that was extremely uncomfortable but I refuse to put dd through that amount of torment and meltdowns on what I want to be a nice day for us.

Any other idea I come up with is being torn apart by relatives who don't really understand autism. I just wanted to vent on here really before I send confetti bombs out.

'Oh don't you want to share your being day with your family?'

No. There are about 200 of the fuckers I only see when there is free booze/food on offer. I can't stand most of them or crowds. I want a few of the people closest to me who I actually see day to day.

I really couldn't give a fuck if Aunty Judy would get upset if little Jimmy whose 40's fifth cousin isn't invited. NONE of you are invited, stick that in your pipe Judy.

'All the family can't afford to/ want to go to the Isle of Wight to that small church that means so much to you as a couple'

Good. You have discovered my master plan.

A) I know damn well you can't/won't. That's the idea (and why I've made it out to be far more expensive tang it actually is )

B) That church means a lot to DP and I even though we aren't religious. We have had many miscarriages but we left a candle there twice when I was 8 weeks pregnant while on holiday and got dd and ds.

'The family will fall out with you if you don't have a big party, we all live a big party and a drink'

Good for you. I hate big parties. So I'm not having one.

Sorry. That felt good though 😄

[Shizzlestix]

I'm on team #FuckYouJudy! Got to be a new mumsnet one liner!

I'm forever telling people it's their day and they should do what makes them happy and fuck the huge ridiculous family thing if you hate the idea. It's so pointless! You go, Peppa!

[Littlegreyauditor]

YANBU. I had this shit OP, me getting married was just the perfect opportunity to have a "lovely big faaaaaaaaamily gathering" (with me footing the bill). That's my idea of hell, so we got married abroad with the people we wanted to be there.

Some of the faaaaamily still don't speak to me. I find I can bear the deprivation tolerably.

[Mollymoo78]

I think Auntie Judy has been "fucked" more times in a couple of hours than I have all year . As someone who spent her wedding preparations and wedding day trying and failing to keep difficult people happy, please please please have the wedding you want!

[BoxofSnails]

Am with you OP - I hate a fuss, and don't massively enjoy other people's wedding "do"s so we had a registry office ceremony at 2, afternoon tea, and that was it. Just witnesses. Not too many were offended....

[ForalltheSaints]

YANBU. Even if you did not have autism.

[confuugled1]

BestZebbie Given the way things are going for the OP, I wonder if suggesting a murder mystery might not be the best thing - it's not much of a mystery when Aunt Judy and assorted unsympathetic rellies turn up dead in the grounds while the OP has changed into a fetching red dress

(not really suggesting that OP would actually do this of course - but can imagine it might be nice to dream about for a few moments )

[BestZebbie]

We realised that none of the close friends or family at our small wedding were likely to actually want to dance at a disco, so we had a murder mystery instead. It was excellent, the venue loved us for it as it didn't bother the neighbours/make a mess and everyone got so involved that we also ended up with a ridiculously low bar tab - we think about 8 drinks were sold! (We did have free tea and coffee all night in the room where the main parts of the mystery were going on).

[Peppatina]

You should absolutely get married in Godshill and then have photos taken of you stomping around the model village like an ACTUAL BRIDEZILLA. That would be amazing.

Oh wow, now that would be a photo, light bulb moment!

I will update (hopefully with that photo!)

Can't wait until I next bump in to Judy....

[Vickyyyy]

My mum and dad didn't bother with the party stuff. Right from the wedding they fucked off to centreparcs with members of close family for a weeks relaxation. Some people were annoyed that there was no piss up, but who cares.

[muminthecity]

You sound brilliant OP, your wedding will be lovely. How about having a virtual hen do on mumsnet? We'll all gather online at the allotted time and post photos of us in our #fuckyouJudy tshirts

P.s. Uncle Bob and cousin Vicky can go fuck themselves too

[OneFlewOverTheDodosNest]

I really couldn't give a fuck if Aunty Judy would get upset if little Jimmy whose 40's fifth cousin isn't invited. NONE of you are invited, stick that in your pipe Judy.

I properly laughed at this bit - good luck OP! Fuck Judy!

[GabsAlot]

i hate all this family guilt trip they just want a party fuck them

i wnt to vegas with my parents dh parents and sisters was lovly we all had a great holiday too

enjoy your day and #fuckyoujudy !

[MothertotheLordsofmisrule]

Yay IOW! Just been on holiday there.

Have a glass of garlic beer to celebrate!

[LittleReindeerwithcloggson]

Do YOUR wedding YOUR way! We were exactly the same. Big evening dos not our sort of thing so we went to where we would've gone anyway on honeymoon and got married there with a small family and friends group.

[Notasinglefuckwasgiven]

Yep do it your way. DH and I told nobody. Camping on Skye and went round the site on the day asking fellow campers if they wanted to drop by at 6 we'd be getting married and providing cake and bubbly. We had 30 strangers, 3 dogs and several kids turn up in wellies. It was beautiful. A couple who were voice coaches spontaneously serenaded us, joined by barking dogs! Everyone had malt, cake and bubbly then back to the campers. Our way and perfect! It's your day! Congratulations and enjoy every second!

[DragonsEggsAreAllMine]

We didn't have a disco as I wanted to talk to my guests and most weddings the bride gets about five mins max per person.

We got married, put food and drink on whilst we did photos very quickly then ferried everyone to a restaurant for a meal. More personal, guests not bored and waiting around and kept well fed and watered. I got to sit with everyone and that was amazing.

[MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig]

Please come back and tell us how it went!

[MilkTwoSugarsThanks]

If you're getting married in the Isle of Wight you should really have some photos with the penguin bollards!

👰🏼🐧

[bellbottomedtear]

Do it your way and it will mean a lot more to you. Me and dh did registry office and home to our garden small gazebo close friends and family buffet of cold food music in the background. Everyone gone by 11 pm our 2 aged 3 and 18 months in bed by 10pm. We enjoyed as did others

[AlpacaPicnic]

Ooh, bolding fail! You all know what I meant though...

[AlpacaPicnic]

I did a proper unladylike snort at -
'All the family can't afford to/ want to go to the Isle of Wight to that small church that means so much to you as a couple'

Good. You have discovered my master plan.

Do your thing. Tell them afterwards. Look out for the penguin bollards.
#fuckyoujudy

[Jaimx86]

#fuckyoujudy is brilliant!

[DrDreReturns]

Your wedding - you and your husband can do what you want!
We were in Godshill a couple of weeks ago, it's a lovely place.

[MrsMogginsMinge]

You should absolutely get married in Godshill and then have photos taken of you stomping around the model village like an ACTUAL BRIDEZILLA. That would be amazing.