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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think most children have their own bedrooms?

124 replies

mumtomaxwell · 09/08/2016 21:02

I have 3 children (twin boys aged 8 and a girl aged 4). At the moment they each have their own room - this was our main motivation for moving. However, I'm now thinking if we downsized to a 3 bed again we'd be able to afford for DH to work less and we could have a less stressful life. I work too but there isn't scope to increase to full time and I don't want to!

But is it unreasonable to expect my sons to share a bedroom again?

OP posts:

cexuwaleozbu · 09/08/2016 22:41

Moving is expensive and you don't know if you would conclude you really did need the extra room in 5 years time and would maybe end up in a worse place than you have now.

How about using foursillybeans' idea and then take in a lodger or participate in being a host family for an overseas student, to make that spare room contribute to the family income and possibly achieve the goal of allowing dh to scale back hours?

Then you can always reclaim the spare bedroom for the family some time in the future if it is needed.

seventhgonickname · 09/08/2016 22:44

And all those saying that in a few more years they'll need private space!Teens need a very little space with room for a laptop and head phones and a few years after that and they'll be making their own lives.
Do what works for you all as a family and helps keep you all happy and together.xxx

lovelilies · 09/08/2016 22:56

I'm wondering what to do when the time comes for DS (2.5) and DD 7 weeks move out of my bed.. DD1 (11) has her own room, I have the other big bedroom and the box room was decorated for DS but he never sleeps in it!
I think the 2 little ones will want to share, DD1 definitely doesn't! What age do boy/ girl siblings usually share until?
I'm an 'only' so no experience of this!

BraveLittleWolf · 09/08/2016 22:57

I shared until I left home...and then I shared with dh

I want ds, our only child, to have his own bedroom. I think it's a nice thing to have. Even that's not happening at the moment though, as we are in a one bed flat!

limon · 09/08/2016 23:00

Maybe most wealthy middle.class children do but certainly not most children.

Reindeerlily · 09/08/2016 23:03

I've got 15 yo son, 11yo daughter and a baby boy of 10 months. We have a 3 bedroom house. God knows how this will work in time!!

Bogeyface · 09/08/2016 23:05

wayfare

I had an interesting conversation with my friend about my grandmothers teen years. My grandma shared a room with her sister, her brothers shared a room and their parents had a room. Then my great gran had surprise twins. After they were night weaned my DG and DGA (Dear Great Aunt) ended up sharing their beds with one twin each. My DG was 15 and her sister was 14. My DGG didnt believe in rubber pants over nappies so twice a night, every night, DG and DGA got the babies up and changed them when they wee'd, changed their own nightdresses, changed the bed clothes and then went back to bed. At 5 am my DG got up and went to work.

My friend, who worked with social services, said that that would now be considered abdication of parental duty and neglect. Then it was considered being a family. Not saying that it was right, or wrong, just highlighting how things have changed so much in a relatively short space of time. For hundreds of years that was considered normal and ok, yet in 70 years its become neglect.

Bogeyface · 09/08/2016 23:06

Reindeer you share with the baby until the 15 yr old leaves for uni, and they have to share with the baby during the hols!

BraveLittleWolf · 09/08/2016 23:16

I bet your grandmother didn't want the same for her own children Bogeyface!

I don't mean that in a snooty way. I don't want to put too much about my own upbringing, and the sleeping arrangements, and the number of siblings etc, on this thread. It's just I wouldn't repeat the same for my own child. I wonder how the authorities would have viewed my own situation, even at the time.

Floggingmolly · 09/08/2016 23:18

If plastic pants were available back then, bogey, I'd still consider it neglect to "not believe in them" when it wasn't you being pissed on twice a night. Poor kids (all of them).

MySecondName · 09/08/2016 23:40

A few families I know well have enough room for a bedroom each but their children share anyway. They all grew up sharing and loved it so have their kids doing the same. One has a 5 bed house, 2 DC who share, their bedroom and 3 spare bedrooms!

Wayfarersonbaby · 09/08/2016 23:40

Bogey crikey, sounds similar to some of my grandparents' tales! The sheer amount of laundry involved boggles the mind...

I think the rise in postwar living standards was a great thing, though - my grandparents were moved out from overcrowded tenement housing to what was at the time a very pleasant new "garden city" council estate. They were all 3-bed houses though and many elderly relatives also lived with their families so still shared. But there was also no central heating, etc.

Compared to those pre and immediately postwar living conditions, twin 8yo boys sharing a bedroom in a (presumably) centrally heated house with modern comforts - that's still fantastic living standards compared to then!

RubbleBubble00 · 09/08/2016 23:51

Everyone round here shares if there's 3+ as most houses are 3 bed and 4 beds are a huge price jump.

My boys 7 and 5 share and 3 yr old in other room. But they are pretty flexible as toys are stored in both rooms and shared - ds3 has most toys storage. Honestly if I could have fitted trouble bunks in they would be I one room as ds3 often crawls into ds2 bunk bed

RubbleBubble00 · 09/08/2016 23:53

Teen years will probably be more difficult

TealLove · 09/08/2016 23:55

I don't think it's fair. I personally feel a child should have their own privacy and space. That's highly important for me to provide as a parent.

ToriaPumpkin · 09/08/2016 23:56

My two have their own rooms, we moved when DS was three and DD was less than a year old, for myriad reasons, but one of them being that they would have their own rooms.

They sleep better on weekends and trips away where they have to share. If we hadn't moved they would have had to share, lots of my friends' children share. I'm seriously considering putting them in the same room despite them having their own rooms, just so I get more sleep. It really isn't that big a deal IMO.

maninawomansworld01 · 10/08/2016 00:04

Depends on the kids , and only you will really know if it's the right thing for them.
Fwiw I never shared (actually I had 3 bedrooms all to myself - one to sleep in, one as a little den / games room and one as a sore room for my toys). I would have hated to share because I like my own space and my own company . To not have somewhere private to escape to would be my idea of hell.

BertieBotts · 10/08/2016 00:05

Depends what you mean when you say "most children".

Most children in the world - definitely not. Many families in poverty living in one room.

Most children in Britain - hard to say. But I think not again. Lots of children share rooms. British houses don't tend to be big. Maybe it's close to 50/50? If I think back to my friends from school it was about 50/50, 10 years ago.

Most children from families in a certain income bracket? Yes, likely. If you're in that group then it might be more an outlier thing.

Bogeyface · 10/08/2016 00:18

My mum and her next oldest sister shared until the oldest sister moved out, but no I dont suppose DG did want that for her kids. But the key thing is that my DG didnt feel that it was a major issue in helping to take care of her siblings. It was what you did.

Whether that is wrong by todays standards is not really relevant, at the time it was what they had to do. Its only in modern western societies that not sharing a bed, never mind a room, is considered preferable.

And DGG not approving of using rubber pants wasn't uncommon. They gave horrible sores on the upper legs and didnt allow the skin to breathe so nappy rash would get worse and worse. This was in the early 30's so a trip to the doctors cost money, and there wasnt much in the way of remedies, so avoiding ailments in the first place was the best option, even if it did mean more washing.

Bogeyface · 10/08/2016 00:22

And it was my DGG that did all the washing. Imagine 4 sets of bedding, plus nappies and nightgowns, washed by hand every single day. She wasnt exactly skiving by having the twins in with DG and DGA.

PortiaCastis · 10/08/2016 00:25

If you can't get what you want
Always love the things you've got.

IneedAdinosaurNickname · 10/08/2016 00:41

Hmmm. I'd say most of the families I know the dc share a room. I don't know any families where boys and girls share (except 1 where they do it out of choice). But most families I know with 2 or more of the same sex child they share. My childhood friends were the same. Girls shared. Boys shared.

Although thinking about it I've only shared a room for 5-6 years of my entire life. Which was the time my ex and I lived together. I was the only girl so had the box room growing up. And have been a single parent since ex left. Have to admit I like it

avamiah · 10/08/2016 01:07

OP,
You sound Utterly ridiculous.
Get into the Real World.
I live in London in a two bed house with garden with my husband and 6 year old who has always had her own room.
However 2 years ago my mother fell and broke her hip and I moved her in so I could take care of her as she was 77 at the time and I didn't want to put her in a care home.
My daughter shares with me and my husband and has her own bed and my mum is in my daughters old room.
We make it work.
It's not the end of the World.
Try it.

jellybeans · 10/08/2016 01:34

I shared with my sister till our teens. DH shared with a grandparent.

We have 5 DC and 3 bed house. Housing very expensive in the area. We have the small room and 2 DD share and 3DS. They have huge rooms. I only sleep I'm my room so they can always go in there or other rooms for study and quiet time. Never been a problem yet as DDS both got brilliant grades.

flyingspaghettimonster · 10/08/2016 02:53

My kids are DD (12) DS (10) and DS (7) and up until next month they have all shared one room their whole lives. We had no choice, two bed apartment. But - they are really close and love each other a great deal, in fact they often still all pile into the bottom full size bunk for sleep over/camping style. We are about to move to a 3 bedroom house and my daughter can finally have her own bedroom - squee - she's chosen an elvish lord of the rings theme, and my sons will share and want a hobbit hole theme :)

We were considering a 4 bed though, and we would still have had the boys share! I'd have had a sewing room as the extra room.

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