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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think most children have their own bedrooms?

124 replies

mumtomaxwell · 09/08/2016 21:02

I have 3 children (twin boys aged 8 and a girl aged 4). At the moment they each have their own room - this was our main motivation for moving. However, I'm now thinking if we downsized to a 3 bed again we'd be able to afford for DH to work less and we could have a less stressful life. I work too but there isn't scope to increase to full time and I don't want to!

But is it unreasonable to expect my sons to share a bedroom again?

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 09/08/2016 21:46

Did you always live in that house, jamdonut? Sounds extreme to have three children who don't fit and are compelled to move out asap just to free up space.

FoxesOnSocks · 09/08/2016 21:47

If I take my sample from the families I've seen in the last week and mine (6):

2 families have the children in their own rooms
2 share with one sibling of the same sex
1 shares with a sibling of the opposite sex
1 has five of same sex in one room

mumtomaxwell · 09/08/2016 21:50

In our previous house we looked into swapping rooms with them, so that they'd have the bigger room to share and their little sister in the box room. Then we found our current house and decided to go for it. They are always in and out of each other's room so they'd probably like sharing again!

OP posts:
CalleighDoodle · 09/08/2016 21:51

My mum is in her 70s and has never even had her own bed!

I didnt have my own room growing up until my older bro evenutally (at 25) moved out.

Mine have their own room bur I want to move so my dh gets his own room so i dont need to have any boy things in mine. Thats totes normal right?

user838383 · 09/08/2016 21:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dementedma · 09/08/2016 21:52

Our DDS share. They are now in their 20s. No other option

bramblesandblackberries · 09/08/2016 21:52

For the long run though, OP, I do feel you'd be better staying where you are.

I'm not claiming that children are in any way damaged or harmed by not having their own room but in general it's better for them to have their own space.
It means your home is more valuable, and no moving costs.
One possibility might be to stay in your existing home and get a lodger if the boys wouldn't mind sharing for a couple of years. I realise this may not be possible in a busy house though.

foursillybeans · 09/08/2016 21:52

Invest in a set of bunk beds and put your twins back in together sharing for 6 months (not just a few weeks!) and then revisit the idea. You'll have a better idea of whether sharing again would cause stress or be a viable option.

Floggingmolly · 09/08/2016 21:53

I was the only girl amongst four boys; and absolutely hated that I didn't have anyone to share with...

SansaClegane · 09/08/2016 21:54

We have three kids and a four bedroom house, however the eldest two share a room at the moment as they like to be together! I like having the option though to have a bedroom for each, as I think once they hit puberty they will like their own space.
It's not uncommon to share rooms though and to whoever said it's a basic necessity like food and clothes to provide a bedroom for each child - really?! Really?!

cdtaylornats · 09/08/2016 21:55

Essentially you are moving the stress from you to your sons

mumtomaxwell · 09/08/2016 21:56

foursillybeans - I love that idea! They need new beds this year so those bunks that can be split into 2 singles would be perfect :)

OP posts:
Gobbolinothewitchscat · 09/08/2016 22:01

I think that - ideally - children should have their own rooms.

Small children sharing, fine. Older children, not so. More from a studying perspective. I think it's unlikely that a house will have tons of spare living space if DCs are sharing so I'd be concerned that there wasn't quiet, peaceful space for everyone to study

NoMoreGrimble · 09/08/2016 22:02

Just realised I've never had my own room and I'm 49!

Adnerb95 · 09/08/2016 22:04

What sansaclegane said re own bedrooms being a basic need - how ridiculous!

HelenaJustina · 09/08/2016 22:07

My DC share even though we have the space to separate them. They are better with the company, and it teaches valuable life skills!

Theknittinggorilla · 09/08/2016 22:07

I shared a room until I was 18 and left home. I dreamed of having my own room and was beyond excited when I went to uni and got my first ever bedroom. But it wasn't a problem, it's just the way it was, my parents had 3 kids and 3 bedrooms. If your quality of life will be better with them sharing it will be fine.

dangermouseisace · 09/08/2016 22:18

I have 3 kids and a 3 bed house so the boys share. We had a 4 bed house…boys still shared as they chose to…2 bed house…they all shared no choice! Grin They are now 10,8 (boys) and 6 (girl).

Biggest boy has said he'd like his own room. We're in a 3 bed as we were made homeless and this is council so I've said tough this is just how it is for now. I said that I could make him curtains to go around his bed so that he could have his privacy- with the rule if the curtains closed KEEP OUT. He's happy with this suggestion and now everyone wants curtains…I've just got to make them now…

I figure that whatever situation you're in doesn't have to be the final situation. I hope that one day when the kids are bigger and I can work full time I'd be able to afford somewhere bigger/buy this place (don't flame me!) and add an extension as I'd expect in X amount of years time to be able to work full time. So…if you do decide to move it doesn't mean that your boys will have to share a room forever!

FWIW me and my sister had separate rooms when we were little. I wish we'd shared, as then we might be closer- my kids are incredibly close, and my mum is very close to her siblings (6 kids in a 2 bed flat). I had to share a dormitory when I was a teenager though with between 3 and 8 other girls…and although it took some getting used to I did get used to it and missed the night-time giggling when I got my own room again!

Bogeyface · 09/08/2016 22:19

It became normal when the baby boomers had kids.

They had access to contraceptives so could limit family size and you could buy a house on a single wage, so 2 kids and a three bed house was the norm.

Before that, having your own room was highly unusual and it is becoming that way again with rising house prices/rent meaning that you often have to choose between another child or another bedroom, but not both.

At one point I had 4 in one bedroom, and the biggest issue was them going to sleep because of the amount of buggering about they did!

Artandco · 09/08/2016 22:23

We have two children, and two adults here. We have 1 bedroom. No issues

PovertyPain · 09/08/2016 22:23

Dangermouse regarding the curtains, you can get really good rails from ikea that give you the choice of hanging from the wall or ceiling.

Christine88 · 09/08/2016 22:25

I grew up in a family of 7 in a 3 bedroom house, me and my 3 sisters in one room, brother in box room, parents in the other. A few fights as we all got older but nothing that wouldn't have happened in the living room anyway! I also don't have any bad memories or thought it was awful or anything!

Wayfarersonbaby · 09/08/2016 22:33

^^ what Bogeyface said.

My mum had to share a bed, never mind a room, with her 80yo grandmother!

It's also a cultural issue - the children in the large Asian families I know all share rooms, in fact seem to think it would be odd and antisocial not to. A bit like our horror of cosleeping, the idea that you must have a sacrosanct sleeping space of your own is very much a postwar Western luxury/fetish. With house prices at current levels, and pensioners sitting in big family homes whilst families struggle to afford high mortgages on small houses, I don't think anyone should think that children are somehow losing out by sharing a room! Most young families I know in London in particular have their children sharing rooms, simply because another jump up the ladder to get an extra bedroom is costing more than 300-400k in most parts of London - unaffordable!

OP I think that the fact your boys are twins makes it different to most siblings. As a child I shared from 5-11 with my nearest sibling, but as the age gap was 5 years it got too disruptive for a 11 year-old pre-teen coming up to secondary school to be sharing with a messy, noisy 5 yo who had a totally different bedtime and routine. I think room sharing works best amongst similar age siblings or twins where you don't have any hassle about different bedtimes, fairness, and so on. Twins sounds like they might even enjoy it.

As pp have said, you could perhaps look for a house that could be extended in the future when your kids are a bit older and your DH has had a bit of a breather?

In any case, I think you're right to prioritise your family life and health - stress from long working hours is no picnic, and it can have serious health effects in the long term.

Wayfarersonbaby · 09/08/2016 22:38

Essentially you are moving the stress from you to your sons

What rubbish! Twin boys sharing a bedroom (which they're probably not even in most of the time) comparable to a hugely stressful long hour working week for years? You must be joking.

Clarissa69 · 09/08/2016 22:38

My two prefer to share so perfectly fine. I think it's more tricky when they get older and want more privacy though but then loads of teens share and it was shared accom. in the halls at uni 😊