to want in laws to correctly pronounce my very ordinary name?

[DrSeuss]

I have a very ordinary, English-of-Greek-origin name. Spelled in the traditional way, couldn't e simpler, really.
For over twenty years, ILs have mispronounced it. For twenty years, I and my husband have periodically corrected them. Not a huge thing, granted but it grates every time they say it wrongly.

AIBU to slightly mispronounce their names just a little, e.g. Sarah becomes Sorah, Jim becomes Jom? Childish, I know, but it is pretty much the only thing I have asked of them in twenty years! Other family members ask for and receive special food despite having no real grounds for this or meals served at a particular time despite having no children. I'd just like them to say my name without me mentally wincing!

Heaven = hivin in my accent.

The sound at the end of the is closest to ih too. It's definitely not uh.

When DS2 was doing phonics I kept wondering what all this don't say 'cuh' was about as I'd never say that. The equivalent letter sound in my accent would be 'cih'.

Maybe people could be a bit less incredulous that others speak differently to them. I don't take the piss out of DH for saying 'sin' instead of 'seen' because that's just his accent.

That said the ih sound is really, really not stressed. It's more an absence than a sound. But if pressed it is definitely more ih than uh.

Thanks StepAway, I find it quite interesting and it's nice that some people are able to have an adult discussion about it.

I'd struggle to say Hel-in. I know lots of Hell-ens. Live in SouthWest.

😇

I was born in the North, have lived in the south all my adult life, have a short name, like Helen, and it's just not said the same way down here! Lots of people add in an 'a' at the end of it (turning it into a different name which is more common here - think Anna for Anne).

After 40yrs in the south I can say with some confidence that you'll just have to get used to it! Noone is deliberately trying to upset you, most people accept regional differences in how our names are pronounced. A French friend pronounces my name very differently - the way it would be pronounced if it were French. It feels very exotic to hear it that way, it's not the way I would introduce myself - I'd feel like a twit because I'm not French - but I'm not going to get upset because they do that anymore than she would get upset because we all pronounce Anne-Marie (her name) with English accents!

I have had the name for 59 years and I am still sitting here saying Helin, Helun, Helan, Helen! I say something between Helun and Helan as do most people I know. I'm in the North West.
In my entire life I have known two people call me Hell, one of them being my partner, and I hate it.

My Dad used to call me Hairy Melon which didn't bother me at all

I'm Scottish, I pronounce it Hel-in naturally. It's also my sister's name. Our dad is English and he says it Hel-en, never been an issue, just an accent thing. My (biblical) name on the other hand, accent variations don't bother me but most people put an 'I' sound in it, making it a different name, and don't even bother to try and say it correctly.

Why is it so important that you still feel the need to correct people 20 years later?

I have a foreign name that different people pronounce differently depending on their accent and their interpretation of the name. I really couldn't care less. I would consider it very rude to keep correcting people who probably would find it hard and unnatural to pronounce my name the "correct" way.

If I was your IL I would think you're pedantic and probably would start calling you a very unpleasant nickname instead :P

Has your dh (or you) ever asked his parents why they insist on saying your name incorrectly and saying that it pisses him off and feels like they don't care about you if they just can't even be bothered to say your name right? (as opposed to just correcting them).

I just wonder if asking them straight out why they do it - and say the only reasons that he can think of are not positive ones - so list things like they don't care, they think you don't know how to pronounce your own name correctly so think that they will change your mind and so on, they think their way is a posher way of saying it, etc - thereby forcing them to actively think about it and admit why they do it...

If it's an accent thing how come I've had it pronounced Hellin by people from all over (I've lived in a lot of places!)?

If it's an accent thing how come I've had it pronounced Hellin by people from all over (I've lived in a lot of places!)?

Have been analysing why it bothers me so much as I get called many other things! I dont think it is an accent so much as one of those things. People at school used all forms and most were 'locals'. I think it is not so much they ending as the gap, Helun vs Hell-in. You hear Hell and then wait for the fall over the edge....in. I only inwardly cringe I don't think I ever corrected anyone but did change my name.....to something, it appears, that can be interpreted many ways but it doesn't grate 😂

I can't hear a difference between the ways you describe. Hell - Len (like the man's name)? Instead of Hell-n? I can imagine getting this wrong repeatedly.

Sorry it's upsetting you though.

BitOutOfPractice: DH and I both say Helen the same way (hell'n, where the closest sound is ih) and we're from very different places (nearly 500 miles apart).

It can still be an accent thing though. It's probably just a coincidence, and one of the few words that we both pronounce in much the same way.

I'm surprised so many people think the OO is being unreasonable and precious about this. I don't think it's unreasonable at all to want to be called the right version of your name for you. This really isn't a simple case of regional accents producing different sounds as the people who might choose to say Hell-in or Hell'n /Hellun with a schwa can come from anywhere and nowhere in particular. My Scottish friend would definitely put more emphasis on the second syllable of Helen than I as a southerner would, but it would be more of a Hell-En rather than Hell'n - it still wouldn't be Hellin with a very definite I sound. That seems to be a pronunciation preference rather than an an accent thing.

Take Cheryl for example, most people I know wouls say Sheryl with a soft shhh sound but some people say Cheryl as in church or chide.

They are two different versions/pronunciations of the same name. It is rude and a bit thick to insist on constantly calling someone the wrong version when they themselves have introduced themselves as Sheryl not Cheryl and everyone else including their own family calls them Sheryl not Cheryl.

OP not OO!

Honestly if I knew you in real life OP, I would just avoid saying your name at all. I have to really concentrate to say Hel-en, and I am still not sure it would meet your standards.
Also would be interested to know if you pronounce other peoples names in the exact same way as they say them?

I don't think it is a coincidence. Some people say Helen some people say it wrong Hellin.

I must admit I do notice when people say Hellin and I do immensely dislike it. I never say anything though, just inwardly seethe because I think it's quite rude to correct someone. Though if someone corrected mr on the pronunciation of their mane I'd do my damndest to get it right

I wonder how many Helens there are secretly plotting the downfall of all Helliners

Sorry about typos. Cba to fetch my glasses

The Cheryl/Sheryl example is completely different - two different n

...different names.

People do pronounce Cheryl in two ways though. Even leaving the S spelling aside.

Like Tanya and Tarrnya. Tarrnyas hate a short an sound in my experience.