To want to shop my aunt for being a fucking vulture...

[Fatmomma86]

...but I don't even know if or how I can?

Background: My aunt A just died a few days ago in hospital.

My Dm, aunt B and aunt C took turns taking care of Aunt A for years. Though for a while aunts B&C were not allowed in her bungalow (Aunt A suspected them and one of their husbands of pilfering from her stashes on money) Dm tried to get her to put it all safe in a bank account but she still kept large amounts at home.

The rest of the family is angry at aunt B and aunt C for making her last days agony. She was on palliative care and had essentially been knocked unconscious with morphine. Her legs were ulcerated and the nurses had stopped dressing them to spare her the pain as she was near the end.

Aunts B and C went into hospital on her own once and made a huge fuss about the doctors trying to kill aunt A and how dare they not take care of her, prompting the doctor giving her something to bring her out of a coma.

Her last days were deeply unpleasant

Fast forwarding to today: Aunt B + C have produced a will. Essentially leaving everything bar a couple of bits to them and their husbands.

The thing is this will is scribbled on a piece of paper, in different coloured inks and also crossed out bits. Aunt B is emphasizing how this will is years old. Her and aunt C are 'witnesses' and executers.

There is a mention of lots of jewellery items on the will. Aunt B and Aunt C told my Dm they went to the bungalow to look for it but it's all gone now and they don't know where.

Dm knows there was an inexpensive necklace that aunt A wanted her to have for sentimental reasons that has apparently disappeared in to thin air.

There is no mention of a sizeable amount of money in the will that Aunt B and C claim aunt A 'wished' them to split. Only mention of money is three sets of £200 to their husbands and my Dm.

I've had Dm here in floods of tears this morning not knowing what to do. I've told her to go and get a copy of this 'will' but after that I'm not sure what it is we can do?

I know people say it all the time but it really isn't about the money, it's devastated my mum that her sisters have done this and I don't want the thieving fuckers to get away with it.

I'd start off by telling them you've found that there's been a burglary at the house and you're calling the police as the jewellery has gone. You might find they then say they've taken it "for safe keeping". Implying that there was an inside cctv near the jewellery might help too.

ok your mum is too devastated to deal with this but you sound strong and up for the fight on your mum's and aunt's behalf.

get the locks changed TODAY
phone the bank and get accounts frozen TODAY
get a copy of the "will" and see a solicitor ASAP

I'd start off by telling them you've found that there's been a burglary at the house and you're calling the police as the jewellery has gone. You might find they then say they've taken it "for safe keeping". Implying that there was an inside cctv near the jewellery might help too. yy

I'd call them and say that you've reported a burglary to the police, like Witchend suggested.

YY to telling them it's been stolen (which it has!) And DO report it!

Oh yes. The police and the tax people take a very dim view of items being removed from an estate before valuation for probate had been done. Diddling hmrc you see.

Anyone who witnesses a will, OR ANY BENEFICIARY WHO IS MARRIED TO A WITNESS OF THE WILL, cannot benefit from it.

I agree to reporting the theft. Email everyone involved say that you have to have the locks changed as there has been a theft, list the items you think have been taken/stolen and ask if anyone has them.

Try to keep everything is as factual and non emotive as possible.

Do this for your Mum.

So why don't you shop them?

I agree with the change the locks and contact the bank advice.
YY to the threat of the police. I would ask them if they have taken any items for safekeeping as a number of items appear to be missing from the house and so you are going to have to report the matter to the police as there appears to have been a break in.

So sorry for your loss, But as others have echoed, she needs to get the locks changed immediately and her assets if any in the banks frozen - You can do this without a death certificate. You do need to go into a branch though but explain what has happened, they will only unfreeze the account when the actual owner arrives or alternatively you produce the death certificate, as we had to do this recently for my nan.

I always used to be shocked at the amount of tales like this I had heard when someone dies, but having gone through similar myself after my nan's recent passing Nothing surprises me anymore about people, especially family you think you know.

I would too think about having the police involved, maybe a quick call to 101 would give you some advice? But first things first, get those locks changed!!

Actually a handwritten will on a bit of paper can be perfectly valid - I have seen one such in this family, done on small sheets of an A5 writing pad in very wobbly old writing when the person was near the end.

But it was perfectly clear and valid, witnessed by two people who were not beneficiaries.
However the person's affairs were very simple - everything left to one person. Although they had been together for a very long time they were not married or CPs, so if he hadn't made a will she'd have got nothing - unless the blood relatives who would have inherited had decided to be generous.

Essential to inform bank(s) that the person has died so nobody can access accounts.
BTW, from experience of handling 2 deaths in the family in the past few years, it's best to get several copies of the death certificate while you're there registering it. Everybody wants an original or a certified copy (often just another PITA). While registering my mother's death last year I got a dozen, to make life that bit easier for the executors. You do have to pay for them but well worth it IMO.

When my dh's Nan died, his aunts went through the house taking what they liked. My Fil had to go to auction to buy back stuff that was supposed to have been left to him by his father. I wish we'd thought to threaten the police at the time.

Please get your mum to act on this now Op. Don't let her regret not doing anything.

Just read this, but not the full tread so apologies if I am repeating advice.
The will isn't valid, you can't witness a will you benefit from.
Tell the banks and building society etc about the death right now, don't wait, they will freeze the accounts right away.
Go to the house and round up any paperwork, insurances, outstanding bills, details of gas, electricity, water suppliers as you will have to notify them all.
If there is a house, then you will need to get probate and if there is no valid will then there are strict laws on how an estate is divided up. You can do this yourself, but it is easier with professional help. Check her and your household insurance policy, some give cover for legal advice.
Make a list of everything you take from the house.
Oh, and change the locks to prevent "losses"

I am sorry for your loss, and for what you are going through. For some reason, some people loose all sense of decency when they think they may benefit from a "will"

They often do lose their sense of morality, don't they? I've been staggered in the past by how some people can say 'I'd like something to remember X by' - but those 'remembrances' somehow seem to involve filling their cars several times over.

Act now.

ive had issues similar to this....see a solicitor..the police wont want to know unless you have definate proof...ie a film of them stealing, a witness to them stealing ....my sister took money from my mothers account while she was sedated in hospital and had money paid into her own account from my mums account by fraudulently signing form to say she was the only beneficiary....and my mum had a legal drawn up will with a solicitor....at some stage when my mum was ok she must have given my sister her PIN number and the bank said as she had done that it cant be proved that my sister took money without my mums permission at any time.....although mum was unconcious at times it was used quite a few times...her excuse was to play dumb/grief/depression....her grief didnt stop her closing the account ONE day after mum died....and spending loads of it before we even had the funeral....and she wonders why i was livid when i found out!

oh forgot to mention....mum never left anything to us....it was supposed to go to grandchildren..!

Yes - there will likely be no legal proof about any alleged purloining of items/cash that were in the house. Bank accounts, insurance policies etc and the house itself would be different matters though.

Are you my cousin?

Call the police to report a robbery. They robbed a dying woman. They robbed a grieving woman. They robbed the people that cared for her when she was ill. Your own DM is too scared of them to do anything. You have to do it. Now.

If you are my far away cousin, if I hear that my DM and her more evil sister ransacked the house and were arrested for it, I will be (a) unsurprised and would (b) cheer you on and help you and your lovely DM however I could.

Can you get the statement (that they know nothing about the jewellery) in writing, or at least in front of several witnesses? So they won't start claiming afterwards that deceased aunt actually gave the things to evil aunts herself.

OH FUCKING HELL!

This is unbelievable.

Not only was dm very insistent last night she didn't want to cause a fuss or do anything about this (and that if I did she would be unhappy and the family would fall out with me)

Not only this but she has dropped the bombshell that Dear fucking aunt B is coming on our one family holiday this year. (mum and dad run a coach holiday business, we are broke and they kindly paid for us to go with them to Weymouth)

And that I'm not to make a fuss or it will be ME that has ruined everyone holiday.

I'm so fucking angry at EVERYONE right now.

I am NOT laying happy families with thieving scum sucking relations.

Please someone give me some clue what to do:

Can't afford a holiday anywhere else

Dh says it's nothing to do with us, only mum, so I shouldn't be so upset by it. Also that I will ruin the children's holiday if I say anything.

I don't even want to go now.