To be fed up with unwelcome comments about my baby

[mishola]

Our baby has just turned 3 months old. That's 3 months I've had of people giving 'advice'. I don't often ask for advice from people I'm not close with, but this doesn't seem to stop the comments and opinions.
The most irritating part is most of what they have to say is utter BS and they behave as if they know what's best for our baby..better than we do!
An recent example: We met up with a distant aunt so she could meet DS for the first time. He was asleep in his pushchair.. the first thing she did when she saw him was wake him up saying 'don't sleep during the day so you can sleep better at night!!!!'
I had to politely explain that he sleeps very well at night thank you very much.. and infact he needs proper naps to enable him to do so.
These instances usually happen with extended family or friends we are not particularly close with. So why do they feel entitled to do stuff like this?!
Who on earth goes around waking up other people's sleeping babies?!

I think this must strike a chord with a lot of parents. I don't think it will get easier until he is much older... any tips on how to cope/politely tell them to stfu??

Advice appreciated (this time!)

I had someone (a complete waste of space) from work who tried to give me advice on my PFB as he had 4 DC. it was the 'wait til she's X old...' every time he spoke to me - In the end I sarcastically said how silly it was saying that and can my Dad say 'wait til their 50' as my eldest brother was at the time!

It's the British disease. That's what my Spanish friend calls it when she points out Brits self importantly doling out judgemental pearls as if they were the last word in expert opinion.
Take a leaf from her book and tell them to stop talking out of their bottoms. With a sympathetic smile and a head tilt of course.

If someone had woke my sleeping baby, I wouldn't have worried about being polite. Arse hole move.

People give advice based on their own experiences and forget how annoying and patronizing unsolicited parenting comments are. The more vehement, the more threatened they are by you doing things differently. It's their problem, shrug and say 'doesn't work for me/we've decided not to do that let's talk about something else'. You know what's best for your family, if you want help you'd ask I wouldn't worry about being (too) polite. If someone was commenting on your driving like this what would you say?

I didn't wake my own sleeping baby, I can't imagine waking someone else's. .

"He was asleep in his pushchair.. the first thing she did when she saw him was wake him up saying 'don't sleep during the day so you can sleep better at night!!!!'"

Just wow. I would have been LIVID.

I also shudder to think how people treated their babies in the past. Poor little things. How ignorant can you get? "Must stop the baby doing anything that comes naturally to them, yes that will make me a good parent"

Waking a sleeping baby is obviously not on! I doubt that will be a regular problem. Advice... Don't see the problem with this. People are just being helpful. You don't have to take if, and some of it might be useful.

'Mmhmm, really I've never heard that. he sleeps beautifully at night'
Usually politely gets the point across, unwanted advice can be frustrating.

My DC3 is currently 7 months and we baby led wean, she won't eat anything off a spoon expect yoghurt and I am having lots of 'give her mash potatoes and gravy, she'll like that'
'oh no you can't give her (insert BLW style food) she will choke!'
'I know she won't eat blended food but I've bought you 100000 tins of baby rice pudding so she can get used to the texture'
All from MIL, she's was horrified when I Made baby a cheese sandwich.

I'd say it gets better but DC1 is nearly 4 and it's no better yet...

Oh that's interesting will bear it in mind. Parental advice is never ending.

Our two grew up bilingual, so of course before they were born and as they grew up I read up all I could on different ways of dealing with two languages in the family, found scientific papers on the subject on the Internet, bought books and generally tried to find out all I could. Didn't stop people who had zero experience of bilingualism telling me how I was doing it wrong. (The ones who did have experience kept their mouths shut if they did think I was!) At first I tried to enlighten them by telling them the results of the latest study etc. But they were no more convinced by my arguments than I was by theirs. In the end I did just learn to smile and think about somethig else, and that lowered my blood pressure a good deal.

Only 3 months!?! My 'advice' started before DS was born!! I think Teflon/ smile and wave is the only way to survive as it hasn't stopped yet 13 years later!!! People like to be helpful 🙄 Have a few witty replies for days when it gets on your wick! My favourite is for MIL ...."I live with your child and he is far from perfect"... This obviously should be mostly only said internally in the interests of long term harmony 😂....what ever you do don't get a dog!!!

It's the British disease.

Northern European maybe. We live in Germany and there's something Schwabischeweihnachtskanne calles the Oma police - old women (often old men too) who will just stop you on the street and inform you of correct parenting practice. Most often for us nowadays (preschoolers) it's underdressing - temperature during the summer months is usually about 28 degrees when it's sunny, but if I take the kids out with shorts and t-shirts in the morning someone will invariably ask why they aren't wearing a jacket! Also in winter: once I had them in the buggy wearing fleece lined jeans, vest, long sleeved t-shirt, winter jackets, and sitting in cositoes - and a man heard me speaking English and was like "where are their hats and scarves, it is very cold here, zero degrees, not like where you are from." And then I was like... Scotland? And then he went away

Anyway to the OP I say, if you get ridiculous advice, remember it and share it all on here, give us a laugh.

It's a rite of passage that comes with having a baby - having to smile and nod at the cacophony of shit/dated advice given. Honestly it's so much easier to just pretend you've taken it on board. The alternative is offending these older relatives and it really isn't worth it.

Honestly they are trying to be helpful. They just don't know that they really aren't .

toomuchtooold My Ils were convinced that DS was constantly freezing - even if he was snoozing happily in his perfectly warm pushchair. I think they suspected he'd succumbed to hypothermia :)

OP, I found it very hard to deal with constant "helpful" advice too, because it feels more like someone having a dig at you. I just went for the, "we've found he prefers it this way" on repeat method, or smile/nod (then venting to DH for hours!).

I do think it gets easier as they get older, as you have more proof that you were right IYSWIM. E.g everyone told me I'd "ruined" DS and made him clingy by doing extended BFing - now he's at school it's patently clear this isn't the case.

IT's just small talk, its not personal. You need to get over yourself a bit, everyone of us has had the exact same conversations.

hedda it seems you didn't read the OP, so allow me to highlight the part you have missed.

"I think this must strike a chord with a lot of parents. I don't think it will get easier until he is much older... any tips on how to cope/politely tell them to stfu??"

At no point does the OP suggest that she is the only one this has happened to. In fact she said the exact opposite.

This is a very common problem sadly. DD was a crier until about 4 months, she shrieked most of the day and woke frequently at night. I remember visiting inlaws when she was about 6 weeks old, I was completely frazzled and quite vulnerable as a new mum. I ended up hiding away in tears a few times after endless advice. When people were giving me advice all I heard was "You're doing it wrong". She's the happiest little thing ever now. I wish I'd had the balls to tell them to back off at the time.

And I was agreeing with her. Whats your problem?

And I was agreeing with her. Whats your problem?

I find a smiley 'that's not what's advised nowadays' while giving a few little nods does the trick.

Didn't master this til DS2 arrived though

People love to give advice, even when it is not asked for. I'm not even pregnant yet and still I get people giving me advice about what I should and shouldn't do when I do get pregnant and have children, even when I never asked for their advice in the first place.

Prime example, my partner expressed a wish to use reusable nappies when we do have wee ones. I agreed. I mentioned this in passing to a group of friends and family. Not asking for their opinions, just casually brought it up. Wish I hadn't!

What followed was 20 minutes of why I should reconsider, what plans I should have in place, questions about the practicality versus the economics - it just went on and on!

I've learned to keep such things to myself now....

"It's the British disease"
Can't speak about other countries but here in Mexico everyone has an opinion about child rearing.

Or Italian or Filipino women (DM and MIL)

Just smile and ignore. Although I did once give unsolicited advice to a stranger. Teenager with a tiny baby, she was crying as if her heart was breaking and baby was screaming, I asked her if she was all right and she said she couldn't get baby to stop crying and didn't know what to do. I realised it was a red hot day and baby was bundled up as if she was going to the arctic. I just told her to undress baby to just a vest and give her a drink she was just overheated. I helped and baby calmed down and so did mum. I hope she didn't think I was interfering.

hedda you were needlessly rude to the OP. Telling someone to "get over themselves" is not how you agree with someone.

"No need to get so worked up about this. People are just well meaning and feel they must sort of pass on their 'expertise'. You just brush it off or let them know you have it under control. Not necessary at all to get so upset about this."

really agree with what Amelie said above. Just not worth the energy. You sound like a lovely Mum x