To ask your favourite Limericks/rhymes?

[Fishface77]

My son has summer home work. He had to choose 3 limericks or rhymes then create his own. It got me thinking, the only ones I know are filthy!
Eg, Jack and Jill went up the hill
To have some hanky panky,
Jill forgot to take the pill and now they've got little Frankie.

Or

Mary had a little lamb it always kept gruntin'
She put it on the garden fence and kicked the little cunt in.

I know. Not good.

That brought back memories of my dear dad, SDTG - thanks!

It was my dad who taught it to me, Optimist - I am glad it brought back good memories for you too!

All my best jokes were learned at my father's knee - and other low joints!!

From The Dandy book about forty years ago:

There was a young fella named Sid
Who ate fifty tarts for a quid
When asked, are you faint
He replied, no I ain't
But I don't feel as well
As I did.

One of my own:

'Are Mumsnetters lovely or horrid?'
Asked a newbie, who was rather worried.
"Well - we're charming in chat,
And places like that
But AIBU can sometimes be torrid"!

Genius by name and genius by nature, SDT !

One I learnt from Spongebob Squarepants of all places:

There was a man in Peru,
Who dreamt he was eating his shoe
He woke with a fright in the middle of the night
To find that his dream had come true!

There was a young girl from Korea
Who had a most musical rear
After eating Escargots
She could fart Handel's Largo
And her encore was Ave Maria.

There was a young woman from Ealing
Who had a peculiar feeling
She Laid on her back
And opened her crack
And pissed all over the ceiling

There once was a man from Bengal
Who went to a fancy dress ball
He said he would risk it
And went as a biscuit
But the dog ate him up in the hall

There was a young boy from Brazil,
Who swallowed a gun powder pill,
His heart retired,
His arse backfired,
And his willy shot over the hill.

There once was a lady from Tottenham
Who had manners or else she's forgotten 'em
At tea at the vicar's
She whipped off her knickers
Because she said she felt hot in 'em.

There was an old maid from Azores,
Whose fanny was all covered in sores,
The dogs on the street,
Used to sniff the green meat,
That hung in festoons from her drawers.

There once was a young man from Crewe
Who could never make his limericks scan
The words didn't rhyme
And some lines were too short.

There was a young man from Bengal
Who went to a fancy dress ball
He said 'Oh I'll risk it, and go as a biscuit'
But a dog ate him up in the hall

I dined with the Duchess of Lea
Who said, "Do you fart when you pee?"
I replied with some wit,
"Do you belch when you shit?"
And felt it was one up to me.

Etihad

There once was a woman from Jarrow
Whose snatch was particularly narrow
She berated her doc
When he started to mock
By suggesting she try shag a marrow

A peanut stood on a railway track
Feeling suddenly all of a flutter
Along came a train, the 6.15,
Toot toot! Peanut butter.

Epigram Engraved on the Collar of a Dog Which I Gave to His Royal Highness

    	  ‘His Highness’ was Frederick, Prince of Wales.

I am his Highness’ dog at Kew;
Pray tell me, Sir, whose dog are you?

(Alexander Pope)

There was a young girl from Madras
Who had a magnificent ass
Not rounded and pink
As you probably think
It was gray, had long ears, and ate grass.

There was a young man from Chile
Whose behaviour was rather silly
He sat on the stairs
Eating apples and pears
And spitting pips out of his willy!

Ds's favourite

Their was a young lady from Twickenham who's boots were too tight to walk quick in them. She walked for a mile, sat down on a style, took off those boots and was sick in them.

There once was a girl from Detroit
Had a mouth that was very adroit
She could pucker her lips
Into total eclipse
Or open them out like a quoit.

There once was a vampire called Mabel
Whose menstrual flows were quite stable.
By the time of full moon
With the aid of a spoon
She could drink herself under the table.

Help me! I am trapped
In a Haiku factory. 
Save me, before they

Seen next to a 50 quid fine sign on the trains. Next to the emergency cord.

If 50 pounds you can afford,
Be a cunt and pull the cord