To ask your favourite Limericks/rhymes?

[Fishface77]

My son has summer home work. He had to choose 3 limericks or rhymes then create his own. It got me thinking, the only ones I know are filthy!
Eg, Jack and Jill went up the hill
To have some hanky panky,
Jill forgot to take the pill and now they've got little Frankie.

Or

Mary had a little lamb it always kept gruntin'
She put it on the garden fence and kicked the little cunt in.

I know. Not good.

I eat my peas with honey
I've done it all my life
It makes them taste quite funny
But it keeps them on the knife

Mary Pugh was nearly two when she went outdoors 
She went out standing up she did 
but came back on all fours 

The moral of this story 
Please meditate and pause 
Never send a baby out with loosely waisted drawers! 

These make more sense if I show where one ends and the other starts. <img loading="lazy" class="inline-flex mumsnet-emoji" alt="Blush" src="https://www.mumsnet.com/build/assets/blush-Brh13p-7.png">

A mosquito was heard to exclaim
"A chemist has poisoned my brain!"
The cause of his sorrow
was Para Dichloro
Diphenyl Trichloroethane.

Sally wetlegs sells fish
Only twopence a dish
Cock your leg up
Stick a peg up
Sally wetlegs sells fish
(Told to me in Primary school by my aunty)

A clean one for your DS, OP.

I am running in a circle
And my feet are getting sore
And my head is spinning spinning
As it's never spun before
I am dizzy dizzy dizzy
Oh! I cannot take much more
I am trapped in a revolving ...volving...volving...volving door.

Jack Prelutsky

I still remember a lot fo A A Milne stuff from when I was young.
Whenever I walk on London Street
I'm everso careful to watch my feet
For the masses of Bears
Who wait in their lairs
All ready to eat the sillies
who tread on the lines of the Street . .

I also like
Look out, look out
Jack frost is about
He's after your fingers and toes
And all through the night
The gay little sprite
Is working where nobody knows
He'll climb each tree
So nimble is he
His silvery powder he'll shake
To windows he will creep
While we're asleep
Such wonderful pictures he will make
Across the grass
He will merrily pass
And change all his greeness to white
Then home he will go
With a laugh ho ho ho
What fun I have had in the night

Think this was by Pike.

And then classics like below
Way down south where bananas grow
A grasshopper stepped on an elephants toe
The elephant said with tears in his eyes
Go and pick on someone your own size

There was a young curate of Salisbury
Whose manners were all halisbury-scalisbury,
He ran about Hampshire
Without any pampshire
Till the bishop forced him to walisbury.

The boy stood on the burning deck
Eating red-hot scollops
One fell down his trouser leg
And burned off both his boots.

Oh, and
There was a young man from Australia
Who painted his bum like a dahlia
The colours were right
All yellow and bright
But the smell was a definite failure!

Poor old Johnny's dead,
He is alive no more,
For what he thought was H2O
Was H2SO4

My friend Billy,
Had a ten foot willy,
And he showed it to the girl next door.
She thought it was a snake,
So she hit it with a rake,
And now it's only three foot four!!

One from a chemistry teacher when I was twelve:

May her rest be long and placid
She poured water onto acid.
Her sister did as we had taught 'er -
Poured the acid on the water.

A useful mnemonic!

There was a young man of Bombay,
Who fashioned a cunt out of clay;
But the heat of his prick
Turned it into a brick,
And chafed all his foreskin away.

There was a young lady of Troy,
Who invented a new kind of joy:
She sugared her thing
Both outside and in,
And then had it sucked by a boy.

Probably not for the homework though <img loading="lazy" class="inline-flex mumsnet-emoji" alt="Grin" src="https://www.mumsnet.com/build/assets/grin-D7Eg_B6y.png">

When God gave out Brains. I thought he said trains, so I missed mine.

When God gave out Looks. I thought he said books, so I didn't want any.

When God gave out Noses. I thought he said roses, so I ordered a big red one.

When God gave out Chins. I thought he said gins, so I ordered a double.

When God gave out Legs. I thought he said kegs, so I ordered 2 fat ones.

When God gave out Heads. I thought he said beds, so I asked for a big soft one.

Arty Farty had a party,
All the farts were there.
Tutti Frutti did a beauty,
They all went out for air!

(sorry)!

Arty Farty had a party,
All the farts were there.
Tutti Frutti did a beauty,
They all.went out for air!

(sorry)!

There was a young man of Japan
Whose poetry never would scan
When asked if he knew
He said yes I do
But you see I always like to get as many words into the last line as I possibly can

There was a young lady from Gloucester
Whose parents thought that they had lost her
From the fridge came a sound
And at last she was found
The trouble was, how to defrost her?!

To fart, to fart,
It is no crime.
It gives the stomach ease.
It was the bed in wintertime
And suffocates the fleas!

Down in the jungle,
Working all the day
You can hear the natives
All say

Down in the jungle,
Living in a tent
Better than a prefab -
No rent!

~~~~

Ma's out, Pa's out, Let's talk rude!
Pee Po Belly Bum Drawers.
Dance in the garden in the nude,
Pee Po Belly Bum Drawers.
Let's write rude words all down our street,
Stick out our tongues at the people we meet,
Let's have an intellectual treat
Pee Po Belly Bum Drawers.

Sunday again on CBC,
Pee Po Belly Bum Drawers.
And Norman Mailer is coming to tea,
Pee Po Belly Bum Pants!
Alan Ginsberg reads on and on,
But we're having a happening when he's gone,
Come to the party in the john,
Pee Po Belly Bum Drawers.

Disney's planning a double bill,
Pee Po Belly Bum Drawers.
Christopher Robin meets Fanny Hill,
Pooh Bear Belly Bum Drawers.
On stage and screen we can all work hard,
Throwing toilet rolls in our own backyard,
Who's afraid of the avant-garde?
Pee Pee Po Po Belly Belly Bum Bum, Pee Po Belly Bum Drawers.

What gets the prizes and wins awards?
Pee Po Belly Bum Drawers.
What did Prince Phillip tell the Lords?
Well, never mind that.
At Oxford and Cambridge, and Yale and all,
and at Berkely, they really have a ball,
'cos the higher the brow, the harder they fall,
For Belly Belly Bum Bum Belly Belly Bum Bum Pee Po Belly Belly Bum Bum, Pee Po Belly Bum Drawers."

The last is by Flanders and Swann and is actually a song.

Another song by Flanders and Swann:

'Twas on a Monday morning the gas man came to call.
The gas tap wouldn't turn - I wasn't getting gas at all.
He tore out all the skirting boards to try and find the main
And I had to call a carpenter to put them back again.

Oh, it all makes work for the working man to do.

'Twas on a Tuesday morning the carpenter came round.
He hammered and he chiselled and he said:
"Look what I've found: your joists are full of dry rot
But I'll put them all to rights".
Then he nailed right through a cable and out went all the lights!

Oh, it all makes work for the working man to do.

'Twas on a Wednesday morning the electrician came.
He called me Mr. Sanderson, which isn't quite the name.
He couldn't reach the fuse box without standing on the bin
And his foot went through a window so I called the glazier in.

Oh, it all makes work for the working man to do.

'Twas on a Thursday morning the glazier came round
With his blow torch and his putty and his merry glazier's song.
He put another pane in - it took no time at all
But I had to get a painter in to come and paint the wall.

Oh, it all makes work for the working man to do.

'Twas on a Friday morning the painter made a start.
With undercoats and overcoats he painted every part:
Every nook and every cranny - but I found when he was gone
He'd painted over the gas tap and I couldn't turn it on!

Oh, it all makes work for the working man to do.

On Saturday and Sunday they do no work at all;
So 'twas on a Monday morning that the gasman came to call...

Roses are reddish, violets are blueish
If it wasn't for Christmas
We'd all be Jewish

My grandad used to sing this one to me

The wind blew north
The wind blew south
The little pig piddled in the big pigs mouth
The monkey stuck his finger up his bum
To see which way the wind had come

No idea what he was on about but it used to make us laugh

A memorable one, entered into a draw by DS (9) at the Lear Exhibition of Paintings. It didn't win a prize...

There was an old lady called Mummy
Famous for her very fat tummy.
Her children both laughed
And made her go daft
Till she shouted out loud "That's not funny!".

The boy stood on the burning deck
Picking his nose like mad
He rolled it in to little balls
And flicked it at his dad.

In Huddersfield, in Huddersfield
There lived a cow that wouldn't yield.
She wouldn't yield
She wouldn't yield
She didn't like her udders feeled

Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear
Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair.
Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn't fuzzy, wuz 'ee!