Your self-effacement is not interesting.

[GarlicMistake]

I'm housebound today so have been reading a lot of threads. This is a ThreadAboutThemAll. I'm up to here with "little old me" type comments. If people think you're beautiful, own it. If you're too self-conscious to wear a bikini, do something about your lack of self-love. If someone's taking the piss, come on here for hints on what to say - and then say it.

Putting yourself down is, like shyness, quite selfish. You're prioritising your feelings about yourself over everybody else. I'm all for answering pleas for attention by giving attention, but it gets a bit wearing.

I'm not saying I've never been shy or down on myself. I often still am: I empathise. But, please, for crying out loud, make an effort to act positive about yourself! Or AIBU?

[GarlicMistake]

I quoted it because of the part I highlighted. Self-effacement does nothing good for the person doing it or anybody else, except bullies & abusers who take it as a green light.

You seem to be defending it very fiercely, Livia.

[thisisafakename]

Lol at the 'inspirational' quote and the belief that it will help those of us who were offended by your comments. OK, OP, it's quite clear that you don't get it and you never will. Your apology was clearly 'sorry you're upset' rather than 'sorry I upset you'. Fine, I am pleased that reading those words helped you overcome everything that was difficult for you. I recommend Tumblr for many, many more inspirations like that.

[LiviaDrusillaAugusta]

I'm defending the fact we can't help feeling how we feel, and all the wanky 'inspirational' quotes in the world won't actually help. You need to decide whether you want a philosophical debate, or you want to tell us how 'uninteresting' we are or you want to tell us to snap out of it with the help of some wanky quote.

If you look at the comments on this thread the majority of people think you are being fucking nasty.

[corythatwas]

OP, you are still assuming that everybody's social anxieties come from the same place as yours

the fact is that people are different

some people's anxieties stem from one thing, some from another

some of the worst sufferers from social anxiety I have known have been completely uninterested in modern media and looks and fashion; the kind of people who don't even read women's magazines at the dentist or watch television

some of them have even been men

even if your anxiety has a common cause, there is no guarantee it will respond to the same treatment

"What I did wrong was fail to realise how violently my OP would impact on people who are going through pathological anxieties. So a lot of people got hurt & angry"

Again you keep insisting that if somebody disagrees with you it must be because they suffer from pathological anxiety.

I repeat: I do not suffer from social anxiety of any kind, pathological or not. I simply take issue with your complete inability to see that not everybody is exactly like you. Combined with the suggestion that if anybody disagrees it must be because of MH problems- implying that you alone represent the voice of sanity.

If you want to help people with their problems you need to develop far more imagination and far better listening skills.

[GarlicMistake]

Oh, for fuck's sake. I've done enough music-facing now.

I'll find somewhere else to have the conversation I wanted.

To the various angry posters:
You're right.
I'm wrong. I'm such a twat. Honestly, I'm useless.
You deserve so much better. You're so much nicer than me.
Really, I wish I were more like you.
I always get it wrong.
And I'm fatter than you, with more wrinkles & worse hair.
You look lovely.
Seriously, you do!

[LiviaDrusillaAugusta]

Wow. Just wow.

You only had to apologise and leave it at that - no need to act the twat!

[WaitrosePigeon]

Cringe. Just shh.

[LiviaDrusillaAugusta]

Was that to me or the Op?

[ToastDemon]

Oh dear that last response was just puerile OP.
I do understand the conversation you wanted to have about women being socialised towards self-effacement but conflating that with people's mental health issues was really ill-judged and a simple apology would have been best.
And that inspirational quote thingy is wank.

[Lweji]

I'll find somewhere else to have the conversation I wanted

Well...
I suspect that you'll have to end up muttering to yourself again, because it's difficult to only the conversations we wanted when other people are involved.

You've been goady from the thread title, what did you expect?

[Lweji]

...to only have...

[LiviaDrusillaAugusta]

Self-effacement does nothing good for the person doing it or anybody else, except bullies & abusers who take it as a green light.

Ooh just noticed this... So people who do self-effacement are allowing bullies and abusers to think they have a 'green light' - I'm sure that will be a lot of comfort for those who have been bullied/abused.

[IrenetheQuaint]

I do partly understand where the OP was coming from, and when I am suffering from an attack of 'oh God I said that slightly wrong' I find that the best way to get over it is to remind myself that probably no one noticed, or cared.

And I do think that the group ritual of self-putting down discussed above does no one any good.

But generalising so widely was always going to upset people, especially those who struggle with mental illness (rather than just being a bit neurotic, like me).

[TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge]

I always found it was the stuck up, self righteous muppets who were incapable of considering others that were selfish.

You know, people like the op...

[ToastDemon]

This reminds me a bit of that "no-one can make you feel bad without your permission" or however it goes victim blaming bullshit quote.
I've been bullied horrendously. I felt very bad indeed and permission didn't enter into it.

[myownprivateidaho]

I hate how polarised these threads get. The proposition that people with mental health and social difficulties can act badly towards others because of those problems is not incompatible with the proposition that those people are suffering and unable to act otherwise than they do. It doesn't have to be one or the other - life is more complicated than that.

[Marmalade85]

Are you American?

[LiviaDrusillaAugusta]

Like other posters I think there is a discussion to be had but the title was deliberately goady, as were the OPs posts so she knew she was going to upset everyone

[WaitrosePigeon]

OP, Livia. Sorry that looked like I was having a go at you!

[LiviaDrusillaAugusta]

Nah you're fine

[wombattoo]

OP - I would like to point out that I found this thread very offensive. I am fortunate in that I do not suffer from shyness, anxiety or MH issues, but I have empathy. It was easy for me to see that this thread would cause hurt to many people. Whilst I see that you have admitted you were wrong to some degree I think a simple apology would have been sufficient.