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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Kids at the table

27 replies

Magazinepile · 06/08/2016 14:47

Just wondering at what point do you draw the line with children's table manners? Dd is 4, so young but still able to understand these things. She will happily burp out loud at the table closely followed by DH and finds it hilarious. We're only at home so it's no biggie but I don't want her to think it's ok in public and with friends which dd now does . I could tell my friend was shocked when I didn't really tell her off for doing it. I don't want to be overly strict as I have the odd slip sometimes as we all do but I say excuse me which dd and DH doesn't she just laughs and I don't think that's ok. Ds is 8 months so obviously it's ok for him to which I don't think dd understands. Any tips? What do you think, AIBU?

OP posts:

BertrandRussell · 06/08/2016 14:50

Your Dh is the problem here. Why does he think it's OK to be repulsive at the table?

WorraLiberty · 06/08/2016 14:53

How can she learn table manners when your DH thinks it's ok to burp out loud at the table, and then not even excuse himself?

Nocabbageinmyeye · 06/08/2016 14:54

Any tips? Well getting your dh to stop acting 8 too would be a start. I'm not strict and if one of my kids burped it wouldn't bother me but we're not in an episode of the Simpson's either and I wouldn't be laughing either

Salmotrutta · 06/08/2016 14:55

I Second what everyone else is saying.

Your DH needs to grow up!

WorraLiberty · 06/08/2016 14:57

Anyway, my tips would be...

Explain to your DH that you need to teach by example.

Explain to your DD that if a burp slips out at the table, she needs to say 'excuse me' (or pardon me, or whatever).

That's it really.

If after your DH has got onboard with his own manners, she still finds it funny to burp out loud and not excuse herself at the table, then obviously you need to start telling her off.

Original poster

Magazinepile · 06/08/2016 15:02

Was hoping for these replies! DH needs to stop but doesn't do it all the time and is often not with us for meals due to his job but I'll have a word - not sure how much it will impact on dd though if he does stop though, she finds it so funny and enjoys it... Anyone else have a similar problem?

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 06/08/2016 15:11

No I don't have a similar problem.

If I told my kids to excuse themselves after burping out loud and they just laughed, they'd be punished for it.

Why was it that you didn't tell her off?

DIYTopTits · 06/08/2016 15:14

As an adult, I am capable of not burping at the table. To be honest, I almost never do it anyway. I would be telling my DD off for that. You have made it a bit hard for yourself though because you have left it too long.

Scarydinosaurs · 06/08/2016 15:15

Don't get why you don't just tell her off. It's really rude and gross to burp and not say excuse me. She's only copying you and your husband- it's learnt behaviour.

Original poster

Magazinepile · 06/08/2016 15:17

I said her name in a cross way and "remember what I said" ie. the last time se had done we talked about how everyone does it but you can just do a simple burp quietly after you've eaten and say excuse me and that's the end. I don't want to be overly strict I'm not the queen!

OP posts:

Eatthecake · 06/08/2016 15:20

I think manners are important and I would expect my DC to say excuse me if they burp at the table or they would get a telling off for being rude.

Me and dh would also always say excuse me if we burp at the table which neither of us really do.

The problem you are going to have is your DH how can you tell DC off for something daddy does? He needs to learn some manners too

PurpleDaisies · 06/08/2016 15:21

not sure how much it will impact on dd though if he does stop though, she finds it so funny and enjoys it...

You think your dh not burping at the table will "impact on" your dd? Hopefully she'll stop doing it.

It isn't nice and it should be discouraged so she isn't teased when she's older.

WorraLiberty · 06/08/2016 15:22

There's a big difference between being overly strict, and not telling a child off for rude behaviour and then laughing about it.

But if you said her name in a cross way and then reminded her about her manners, it sounds like you actually did tell her off.

So now I'm confused by your friend's reaction.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 06/08/2016 15:28

DH was told in no uncertain terms that he had to say excuse me or pardon after burping and farting to be a good example to his children. Both boys say it most of the time (DS1 is 8, Ds2 is 3) although they still find both burping and farting hilarious (as does DH )
Interestingly, both boys have decided that "pardon" is for farting and "excuse me" is for burps. I don't care, so long as they use one or the other!

Lurkedforever1 · 06/08/2016 15:28

I used to include everything like this under the heading of 'a time and a place'. Everything from toilet humour to shouting to table manners, none of which are bad per se, but aren't ok anywhere, anytime. You do need your dh to lead by example though.

Eva50 · 06/08/2016 15:30

If my dc burped at the table and laughed instead of apologising they would be asked to leave the table. However there is now way dh would encourage bad manners. I think you need to stamp down on both of them.

tootsietoo · 06/08/2016 15:33

It all sounds a bit humourless round here! Isn't it possible to be together at home and have a laugh about bodily functions, whilst pointing out to your children that it isn't acceptable in public or with other people? If she did it in front of your friends, didn't you just say something along the lines of "that's rude DD, please say excuse me"? And that's all you need to do isn't it?

Original poster

Magazinepile · 06/08/2016 15:35

worra I told her off but it wasn't a bad telling off and she wasn't exactly in big trouble and needed punishing but that's what my friend seemed to think should have happened.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 06/08/2016 15:36

Isn't it possible to be together at home and have a laugh about bodily functions, whilst pointing out to your children that it isn't acceptable in public or with other people?

That depends on the level of understanding of the young child.

Which is why we tend to lead by example until they're old enough to have and understand that conversation.

Original poster

Magazinepile · 06/08/2016 15:38

Yes tootsietoo It's not the end of the world it's something that is a funny noise for a small child and I just need to make it clear to her that she can't do it in public which she doesn't understand. But I need to tell DH I'll let you know what he says. I want to be relaxed about these things but she needs to know the "boundaries" so to soeak

OP posts:

Original poster

Magazinepile · 06/08/2016 15:39

"Speak" sorry

OP posts:

GobblersKnob · 06/08/2016 15:42

I would never expect my children to excuse themselves after burping or farting at home and neither would I. They and I would (well actually we would all try not to do the thing in the first place) excuse ourselves in public though, I can't remember even teaching them this it's just a bit obvious as they get older, probably easier when picked up by peers rather than nagging parents anyway .

Better out than in eh?

Original poster

Magazinepile · 06/08/2016 15:46

I'm glad to hear I'm not the only parent who thinks its ok for dd to burp at home! I had a laugh this morning when she was playing with her dollies and burping it then she subsequently burped herself by accident and said "there we go baby well done!"

OP posts:

BertrandRussell · 06/08/2016 15:53

Of course you can have a laugh- burps and farts can be funny. if they are genuinely accidental.

But you still say "excuse me". And if you can, you still leave the room. Particularly for farts.

WorraLiberty · 06/08/2016 15:58

Well of course you're not the only parent who thinks it's ok to burp at home. I don't think there's a single person here who would disagree with that

However, you were asking 'at what point do you draw the line with table manners'.

That's completely different to your story about her playing, isn't it?

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