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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder at what stage DH could take baby to visit his family without me?

37 replies

canary1 · 04/08/2016 22:23

Just wondering, as I know this will be suggested in the coming months. Baby is nearly 5 months ( also have 10 and7 year old). Wondering at what point is it reasonable for husband to take all three to visit his dad for the day? His dad lives just over an hour away if you travel morning/ night avoiding peak traffic times. The situation didn't arise with the older kids as we lived hours away then and DH didn't take them there for ages. Wondering if IABU to think 'not yet, he's so small' or if that is just possessive madness?! If I am being unreasonable, then of course DH should take them all for a visit- I am under no pressure to go so could potentially have a day off, which I cannot imagine! But would also feel so strange without baby ( obviously the older two go to school, I'm used to separating from them lol) . Your thoughts and direction on this is appreciated xxx

OP posts:
Fluffsnuts · 04/08/2016 22:26

If you aren't breastfeeding then when ever you want. My ds is 7months. I'd be very happy for DH to have him for a whole day or so, but he can't be away from my boobs for more than 4hours and won't sleep without them.

misscarlar · 04/08/2016 22:27

Is baby breastfeeding. Can you DH settle baby for naps, does baby rely on a strict schedule?

Champagneformyrealfriends · 04/08/2016 22:28

Does he want to take my DD to see his dad so I can have a day off? Grin

Whenever you're ready I think op. DD is 4 months and (jokes aside) I haven't left her for longer than a few hours yet. I'd just miss her way too much. The right time is when you're ready.

MermaidTears · 04/08/2016 22:29

I would grab this with both hands!!!! (Can you tell I never get a day off haha)

LagunaBubbles · 04/08/2016 22:29

Why wouldnt your DH be able to take his own child somewhere without you, I dont get it? Confused

Eatthecake · 04/08/2016 22:30

Any time he likes, even if the baby is breastfeed you could maybe trying expressing a little? I assume your DH is capable of looking after his DC.

I know as Mums we sometimes feel strange without baby but Dads should be just as able to look after the child and having a day off for yourself to relax is very refreshing
My DH is always ok taking our 4 DC ( youngest being 6 months) out for the day on his day off for example while I work.

StrawberryQuik · 04/08/2016 22:30

I'm guessing baby is formula fed/ will take a bottle of expressed milk? If yes, and you feel up to it I think it should be fine now. Has your DH ever had him by himself before and would he know what to do?

If you don't then don't feel like you have to let him go without you. Everyone's different, my DS is coming up to 4 months and I haven't been away from him for longer than an hour yet.

RubbleBubble00 · 04/08/2016 22:32

I'd be happily waving off, put me feet up and watch a box set or two (and sleep)

Thingvellir · 04/08/2016 22:39

Sorry it's not clear to me, why can't you go with them? Is DH an ex? If not why can't you all go?

Original poster
canary1 · 04/08/2016 22:47

Thank you everyone, fast replies! Not breast feeding since 8 weeks so that's not an issue, and my DH is well capable if looking after baby. Just would feel weird without him.
Thingvellier I could go too of course, I just wondered if it would be wrong of me to have a day off. FIL is fine but no need for me to go there unless I particularly wanted to....

OP posts:
ItsABanana · 05/08/2016 00:11

Why would it be wrong for you to have a day off? Confused
As for the "when would it be ok for dh to take baby to visit family".... that would be whenever you feel ready to.
At 5 months, he could go see family now with dh if you felt up to it. It's only one day. You'd get a rest, baby would meet family, and then they'd be back before you know it.

BackforGood · 05/08/2016 00:22

If not breastfeeding, then at any age.

How lovely to have a lie in, then an uninterrupted bath....... wonderful Smile

LBOCS2 · 05/08/2016 00:30

Well, I have a 3mo and a 3yo and I've started tentatively negotiating for DH to go on holiday with his family and the kids without me next year so I can have a whole week off!

Whenever you're comfortable with it. He'll be with his other parent, and you deserve time to yourself as well :)

tinytoucan · 05/08/2016 00:30

Whenever you feel ready, it's certainly not wrong for you to have a bit of time for yourself! DS is 4.5 months, and at the weekend I left him with DH for the day so I could meet up with an old friend. I did feel a bit weird without him, but I think it's good for dads to have a bit of time alone with baby to bond without mum. By all accounts they had a great time and I wasn't missed at all!

I say enjoy it. Being a mum is intense and we all need a rest from time to time!

RepentAtLeisure · 05/08/2016 00:56

I just wondered if it would be wrong of me to have a day off.

Don't be a martyr OP. Happy healthy mothers take some quality time for themselves (if they are able to of course).

Ericaequites · 05/08/2016 01:17

Take time for yourself. Remember that you can't care for others if you can't care for yourself.

MrsTerryPratchett · 05/08/2016 01:31

Have a day off. I could give you a list of things to do if you want...

CakeNinja · 05/08/2016 01:47

Bloody hell, dp took breastfed newborn Ds with him to a party (dds were invited) the day after he was born, for a couple of hours!
He was also very hands on with the others from birth and I had no concerns that he wouldn't be able to look after them, or bring baby Ds back if he woke up and was crying for milk - he slept the whole time he was gone.
What are your actual concerns? I mean that genuinely, not in a pissy way!

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 05/08/2016 06:22

It sounds like you're ready, so go for it.

NapQueen · 05/08/2016 06:25

A parent wants to take their 5 month old baby in the car for one hour to visit the grandparent.

I genuinely do not understand your hesitation on this

SparklesandBangs · 05/08/2016 06:29

I'm just confused, but then by 5 months I already back at work so DC would often spend a whole day with DP or the nanny

Motherfuckers · 05/08/2016 06:41

For a day? As soon as they will take a bottle. Your DH is its parent too.

LuchiMangsho · 05/08/2016 06:43

When breastfed DD was 17 days DH sent me off to the nearest coffee shop to have tea, cake and read the paper and to not return unless he called saying she was hungry. 2.5 hours of bliss. When she was 9 weeks (and having one expressed bottle a day) I went for a cut and colour that lasted a good 3 hours. DH and MIL looked after him. Actually I forgot that when she was 8 weeks I had a job interview. In my field these jobs are rare- maybe once every 2 years so I went for an interview to Birmingham leaving her with my MIL, DH and one friend. Three adults fussing all day over one fairly chilled out baby! Yes my boobs were rock hard but I got the job so it was all worth it! Would you not trust DH to take him with the older kids to a park or something for a couple of hours?

SabineUndine · 05/08/2016 06:56

I go all gooey if I see a dad out on his own with a small baby. It's so sweet. My dad wouldn't have known where to begin.

Pearlman · 05/08/2016 06:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.