Re: this bloody Facebook group?

[Rozdeek]

Am on this fb group whose philosophy is "attachment" parenting based. I do a lot of attachment parenting things myself but just cos I like them - I hate parenting labels.

Anyway today this poor woman has posted asking for advice on how to stop co sleeping as she is knackered and wants her evening back as baby won't sleep without her there and wakes up when she goes. Baby is 15 months. I think this is fair enough. No. Instead of helpful advice, or sympathy, she just gets loads of stuff along the lines of "why would you want to stop co sleeping?" and people insinuating she is selfish for wanting time to herself.

Someone else posts asking for advice on "natural" teething remedies as she doesn't like using calpol. Cue loads of people saying to try Amber teething bracelets . Yes. Let's put a choking hazard on my baby. That's much better than a small dose of paracetamol.

I do follow a lot of attachment parenting methods but I cannot buy into the above load of crap. I also hate that "co sleep/wear a sling" appear to be solutions to all problems. My baby hates both of these.

AIBU?

I have de joined said fb group before anyone jumps on that one.

Very well said MrsDeVere. I volunteer in an area of social deprivation and one of the biggest barriers we face is the image of BF across social media. Women in the areas I support cannot relate to these pervasive images of breastfeeding so are more likely to follow the tradition of formula feeding.

Being so militant helps no one except to bolster the egos of those espousing that formula is substandard and harmful.

What I don't like about brickie' mentality (and a lot of AP mentality) is that it basically advises your baby coming first in any and all scenarios.

Sometimes you have to put yourself first. For your baby's sake.

I mean what is better? A woman suffering severe pnd, unable to bond with baby, feeling shit about being a mum - but breastfeeding. Or a woman happy and content with a lovely close relationship with baby - but formula feeding.

Obviously breast is best. I don't think anyone here is disputing that. But best of all is a happy and content mum who enjoys her baby.

If bfeeding makes that hard for some women then why the fuck should they do it? That isn't putting baby first. IMO.

I agree scorbus if it's anything like my FB feed the pro breastfeeding stuff is very off putting. One lady has a constant stream of pro breastfeeding posts. One or two is fine but the fact her TL is saturated with it people turn off and then miss out of the useful stuff In between.

And often there is little actual information in the posts, just lots of judgement and, quite frankly, lies.

No info about where to find support either nationally or locally, impartial websites (yes they do exist), I hardly ever see the number for the National Breastfeeding Helpline beyond posts by my fellow volunteers.

By all means use social media but use it responsibly if you genuinely want to help increase BF rates.

I can't find anyone saying formula and BM are the same probably because everyone knows they're not! But brick it doesn't make formula any less valid a choice than BM. FFS no wonder BF mums get a bad name when people like you fly their flag

I've never actually seen the helpline number shared! Just online and local to her BF groups.

This is the problem with social media. It's great for information but misinformation spreads just a quickly :(

Freephone number. There for all feeding questions including on how to wean off BF, medication and breastfeeding information.

WHO is the world health organisation. Their advice has to fit across all living circumstances. In the middle of the Africa rainforest to breast feed or not is a choice of life or death. A wet nurse, untested possibly with HIV, would be preferable to available alternatives (e.g. Unpasteurised goats milk). And as I pointed out that UNICEF leaflet has some misleading information on it about breastfeeding and intelligence. And yes, I do know how to read/quality assess medical research. Formula is a good and safe alternative where breast feeding has not worked out for whatever reason.

I was quite fixated on breastfeeding when I was pregnant. Luckily it was a relatively easy journey, and DD is still feeding now at almost 2. I intend to let her self wean.

But I would have never used donor milk. It's just weird to me. As is letting another woman breastfeed your child. IMO, of course.

Brickiemum2 are you a namechanged minifingerz?

Many thinks seem familiar and in which case there's not much point engaging with you.

Great post MrsDeVere

I had honestly never thought about it like that before.

We actually have a bank of images and quotes from young mothers and those in the public eye about breastfeeding for our groups MrsD P!nk helped A LOT when she was outspoken in the media and Snooki as well (who has famously been very open about her U turn on breastfeeding but also her struggles) It's all about knowing your audience and understanding that in some communities there are a lot more barriers to overcome than in the naice leafy suburbs where support is more likely to be readily available and breastfeeding more normalised.

MrsDV you talk so much sense in every post.

MrsDeVere I have noticed even with formula different brands assiciated with perceived class too.

Young women around here even get put off when those older mothers tell them they should be feeding this organic brand not SMA even when they are mostly the same.

So young mums feel isolated esp in parenting groups. I know I did I was 22 and educated but the older mums just couldn't get past me being single and young and were incredibly condescending and basically made me feel like utter shite.

In an ideal world younger mums would look to older more experienced mums with 3kids for advice but they don't because it's got so bloody competitive.

Brickie, you keep changing your story. First you act all faux-confused as to why any woman could possible be unable to breastfeed. Then when it's pointed out to you that there are many medical reasons why breastfeeding is either physically impossible, dangerous, or would be lethal to the child, you do a 180 and say "oh but I wasn't talking about those women who formula feed, I was talking about women who formula feed through choice!"
Then you do another 180 and start talking about donor milk -- so you do think women not physically able to breastfeed are making a (bad) choice to formula feed, then?

It doesn't sound like you know what you mean, other than a simplistic formula=bad black and white opinion.

NN but a cow's breastmilk that has demonstratable harm is ok then? Okaaaay.......
Literally not one single post has suggested giving babies cow milk. And "demonstratable" is not a word.

Brickie

How are you supposed to give donor milk to babies long term, you know, when you have left the hospital where it might have been available for a few feeds/days only?

If donor milk is the second best alternative, how the hell does that work??

House I don't think so. Mini is passionate about breastfeeding but she doesn't attack people who formula feed like this brickie person is.

Sorry, formula is a good and safe alternative in the developed world where breast feeding is not possible.

pasanda, there are groups where mums swap donor milk. Human milk for human babies I think it's called. It isn't screened though.

YUK!!

It could be anything being swapped on those groups.

As well meaning as they are there are very sick and dangerous people out there.

onlythebreast.co.uk/ One such selling page.

I wouldn't advise it. It's not screened. Cannot be sure it's safe or what the donor may or may not be taking. You are gambling on their honesty.

"Children who are breastfed for longer periods have higher intelligence, fewer infections, fewer dental problems, reduced morbidity and mortality and are less likely to be overweight or diabetic in later life
The cost to the nhs every year of treating just five illnesses resulting from formula feeding is £48million
There is a widespread misconception that breastmilk can be changed with artificial products without detrimental consequences and that the benefits of breastfeeding only relate to poor countries. Nothing could be further from the truth"

The Lancet 2016 republished by UNICEF call to action in the UK.

Proof of demonstratable harm.