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AIBU?

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Original poster

To turn your attention to this article **Trigger warning: Child abuse. Title edited by MNHQ**

503 replies

NedStarksHead · 03/08/2016 11:55

After a long and stressful debate/argument on FB, I'd like to turn your attention to these articles....

If you're one of the people who say "murder them all, they're all scum, they should be shot" then just read these and re-think.

Use different wording. A child molester is so different to a pedophile.

http://www.salon.com/2015/09/21/imaapedophilebuttnotaa_monster/

http://www.virped.org

OP posts:
Mcchickenbb41 · 04/08/2016 10:44

I think your choosing the wrong type off place op to try and have this debate. This is mostly ( not all I know ) a parenting website. Most off us, and again not all of us I know have children. I don't think we want or feel the need to try and understand these members off society ( being polite ). This is what the psychologists are paid for.

goddessoftheharvest · 04/08/2016 10:49

What a load of old bollocks. Orientation my ass.

Empathy is a wonderful thing, but I think I'll save mine for the many people in society who have had hard things happen to them, but who still don't rape and abuse children

toptoe · 04/08/2016 10:49

Personally, I don't think castration is going to do anything to the mindset of an abuser. It's not going to do anything to a rapist's mindset. Because it's not about the penis. Plus, what about the women who harm children in a sexual way?

Also, no one should be lining up and shooting anyone because that is morally wrong. For starters, who gets to line them up? Who chooses who is to die? What about innocent people? It's a whole lot of facism we don't want to have in our society.

Our punishment system is prison and supervision and that should be enforced every time someone harms a child.

Toria2014 · 04/08/2016 11:05

Oh FFS.

In the quest to be the most empathetic, understanding, open minded human being on the planet, the OP is prepared to sympathise with child molesters. The road to hell is paved with good intention.

The day paedophiles/child molesters are empathised with is the day our society truly goes to hell.

Give your head a wobble OP, there is no medal to be won.

BertrandRussell · 04/08/2016 11:07

What about the very many men who access mainstream "young teen" porn?

VestalVirgin · 04/08/2016 11:07

It's not only men who sexually abuse children.

The percentage of women is so minimal that I think it is okay to write "men". I also write "women" when talking about breast cancer, even though men can get it, too.

The sexual feelings are linked to the feeling of power. In the mind of the abuser this may be hard to distinguish. They may feel that the sexual attraction comes first. But it doesn't. The feeling of domination and getting someone who has no clue what's going on to do stuff is paramount.

Sounds not so different from men who watch rape porn. Can we stop emphatising with them, too?

VestalVirgin · 04/08/2016 11:11

Personally, I don't think castration is going to do anything to the mindset of an abuser. It's not going to do anything to a rapist's mindset. Because it's not about the penis.

Removing the testicles will reduce testosterone, and thus reduce sex drive.
This will help any person who feels inappropriate sexual attraction to feel better.

It will of course not cure sadism, so with child molesters, it is pretty pointless. (But would probably still make the general public feel better)

MammyV · 04/08/2016 11:16

The fact that an adult is even 'thinking' these things about what could easily be my daughter, never mind actually doing something, makes my skin crawl, sorry but reading this does not change my mind, nothing ever will it's wrong end of

HeddaLettuce · 04/08/2016 11:19

We don't have thought police. We don't criminalise what is in peoples minds.
If people have urges and proclivities but don't act on them, they are not criminals, they are not evil.
There are people who have terrible thoughts but do nothing about them. If you don't try an understand why and how they can be helped, you're missing a chance to stop abuse before it happens.
And if you don't want to even try to help people keep those thoughts as just thoughts and not actions, because you find it easier to scream and shout about how awful they are, then you have to take some responsibility for the lack of help available, and for your part in making this something that can't be talked about and for your collusion in abuse.

CheckpointCharlie2 · 04/08/2016 11:21

I find it very hard to empathise and also found the tone whiny as PP said, and self-indulgent.

I was tempted to read the VipPed website linked on the page but didn't and am now shitting it that I have put myself on some watch list somewhere Confused

I agree with pp too that the risk of a 'non-offending' person suddenly offending is too high and it turned my stomach to read the bit about the man saying his friends had children and were in contact with children. Sad

user87654321 · 04/08/2016 11:26

Heddalettuce-agreed with what you said. But not about the collusion in abuse. That is a step too far, IMO. There are very many people who do not want to emphasise with paedophiles but are not colluding.

If I have misunderstood, please correct me.

Cutecat78 · 04/08/2016 11:27

Heddalettuce

Exactly this.

MammouthTask · 04/08/2016 11:33

Yes Bertrand it seems that having some keen interest and jerking off rape images in the net us ok. Same with 'young teenagers' (it doesnt matter if they are 18yo and look young. The fact is these people are getying enjoyment from watching young teens having sex --or us that being abused?)

But somehow this is ok and a lot of people seem to think you can't say it's not appropriate.
How is that different from the thoughts these men have?

HeddaLettuce · 04/08/2016 11:33

If you refuse to consider even trying to prevent abuse by helping those trying very hard not to abuse, then you are colluding in it, IMO. In a very minor way, yes, but if you won't even think about being part of the solution, then you are part of the problem.

MammouthTask · 04/08/2016 11:34

Hedda yes but I would also want to put some responsibility on these men for actually getting done help too. Before any abuse happens b

HeddaLettuce · 04/08/2016 11:35

There has to be help available to access in the first place.

HeddaLettuce · 04/08/2016 11:37

How is that different from the thoughts these men have?

I'm not ok with that either, but of course its different, for many different reasons. Thoughts are different to utilising pictures or video of real people. Children are different to adults, even if those adults are pretending to be younger than they are.

Elendon · 04/08/2016 11:51

Re rape porn and teen sex, there is also daddy porn, doctor and teacher porn, mummy porn. All of which suggests control and not mutual sexual satisfaction.

I agree that paedophilia and child sexual molestation is about control and manipulation. It is difficult to put those people who have those fantasies in therapy because they are highly manipulative. It rarely works.

weirdtoenail · 04/08/2016 11:53

Sorry, haven't read the whole thread, but I find it really odd that people could be so vehemently against empathy for someone. Empathy is not the same thing as sympathy, and its not even slightly the same thing as being 'on their side'.

Rinoachicken · 04/08/2016 11:58

Help is available in the form of the many therapists anyone can access if they choose.

You find yourself a therapist and you regularly speak with them.

Saying 'no help is available' seems like too convenient cop out to me.

BertrandRussell · 04/08/2016 12:02

So is it OK to have empathy with a non-active paedophile if he is in therapy? Who pays for the therapy by the way?

StrawberryMummy90 · 04/08/2016 12:04

Hedda

Majority of us are saying we believe pedophiles should have therapy and get help, not denying that and saying they should all be shot. I agree with what your saying.

but They should, in an ideal world, also be placed in some sort of rehabilitation center until they are no longer a threat to children, and if they have to be in their for life, then so be it. It's not right to have pedophiles walking around being aroused by babies and children, masturbating over them etc.

Are you really ok with a pedophile fantasizing having sex with your baby just because they don't act on it? I'm not. Keep them away from all children.

Rinoachicken · 04/08/2016 12:05

IMO, if you yourself of aware that you pose a risk to others then it is your responsibility to do something about it. It should not be a defence or excuse that 'well I could t get he help I needed so I couldn't help myself'. Bollocks.

Like the rest of us they can fund themselves (like most victims end up having to) or they can join an NHS waiting list.

user87654321 · 04/08/2016 12:07

Hedda- thank you for clearing that up.

ClopySow · 04/08/2016 12:13

HeddaLettuce

Totally agree, you've said what i've thought but couldn't put into words.

I work for a rape and sexual abuse charity. Current funding is being ploughed into education and prevention at school level in the hope that putting money into teaching young will prevent later.

I imagine the costs of imprisoning offenders must be huge. And the cost of supporting victims after the event. Maybe if the funding and support was put in there before it happened less lives would be ruined.