To turn your attention to this article **Trigger warning: Child abuse. Title edited by MNHQ**

[NedStarksHead]

After a long and stressful debate/argument on FB, I'd like to turn your attention to these articles....

If you're one of the people who say "murder them all, they're all scum, they should be shot" then just read these and re-think.

Use different wording. A child molester is so different to a pedophile.

http://www.salon.com/2015/09/21/imaapedophilebuttnotaa_monster/

http://www.virped.org

I was referring to yesterday's post by Misc but agree with the one immediately above mine too.

OP I have not read the whole thread but am horrified by the total lack of empathy shown by most posters. Realising you are sexually attracted to children must be the most horrendous thing to live with and is not a choice people make. Acting on the attraction is the choice made. I was molested by an uncle who has served several prison sentences for paedophilia. He molested a school friend of mine and one of my cousins too. Despite having reported him and testified against him I have never felt anything but pity for the man. He has lived a sad miserable life with no healthy adult relationships. I consider him to be sick and it is not a curable illness. I would agree that for someone like him who was acting on his feelings that he should be very closely monitored or even locked up (which he was, several times....not for reoffending, but for more old offences coming to light) . I would even go as far as suggesting that chemical castration should be considered, but I think it should be acknowledged that the attraction itself is not a choice and is a terrible burden to live with.
People accept this about heterosexual,bisexual and homosexual attraction and it was a big argument for legalising homosexuality, as people don't chose their sexual orientation. However, people seem to singularly hold paedophiles responsible for their attraction to children. The lack of compassion shocks me sometimes and actually having deep compassion for children who have suffered at the hands of paedophiles does not preclude also having compassion for those who have to fight with that horrific attraction.

It's not about "competitive outrage". Why don't you get off your own high horse instead of lecturing people? The point is that the article isn't nearly as innocuous as OP seems to think and framing paedophilia as a "sexual orientation" is woolly minded thinking of the highest order, damaging, offensive to survivors of abuse and dangerous. It is a paraphilia, as another PP pointed out closer to bestiality, sadism and necrophilia than homosexuality.

I've not read the whole thread, but I've read enough to realise that a lot of people are really missing what the op is getting at.

She's not condoning the act of paedophilia and/or excusing the abuse of children whatsoever.

I agree with the op in that it should be easier for paedophiles who have not abused and do not want to abuse to seek help and counselling.

There should be more access to counselling and help to prevent paedophiles from ever offending.

Unfortunately as we know there are many members of society who have these thoughts about children, if there was help available which was easy to access, could this potentially prevent them from ever abusing?

This is something I've discussed before with my friends, whether there is any preventative measures, whether paedophilia can be cured as such or whether a person who admits to having these thoughts about children should be immediately ostracised and cast out of society as a lost cause.

It's very easy to make strong statements such as all paedophiles are scum who could be killed when talking about faceless strangers, but what if someone you knew, such as your son, husband, friend confessed to having these thoughts but not wanting to act on them as they knew it was wrong? Would you feel the same way then or would you be hoping that there was some help available?

just read the article. Whilst the author is quite brave for coming out as a paedophile and continuing to live in the town where everyone knows who and what he is, there are a couple of weird undertones, as Misc says.

At times I’ve wondered why I’ve even bothered to stay legal. Maybe prison would be better, even at the risk of getting shanked as a Short Eyes.

But alas, I could never hurt a child.

Besides, like I said earlier, I just couldn’t allow myself to foist this abomination onto another human being.

I'm not sure how to describe it. The 'alas' seems to imply he thinks it's a pity he can't hurt a child.

And you shouldn't have to wonder why you've bothered to stay legal. As if he has done society a favour by not abusing children.

Also, he doesn't seem to grasp that a man fondling his private area when he was a child was very, very wrong.

And finally - there are other ways of getting into prison such as burglary etc. It's telling that for him prison would be the result of giving into an inclination for child abuse.

Yes. That's what all the other people who read the article have already said.

It's my take on the article, without having been influenced by what has been 'already said'. Nothing wrong with that.

Except you didn't seem to understand what people were saying until you read it.

What didn't I understand? I still stand by my previous posts. (Though I've barely said anything).

The pompous, holier than thou comment you made about "competing to be more outraged". No, unlike you, many of the people who you were referring to had actually bothered to read the article, and so knew what they were basing their opinion on.

While I feel that this has been an incredibly worthwhile debate (I know I have been forced to stop and think about my thoughts on the subject), I feel like it is just turning into a petty argument about whether people are "competing in their level of outrage" or "trying to be too liberal".

Maybe it's time to stand back and just quietly think to ourselves where we stand on the issue and then move on.

I think you misunderstood me. I was referring to the people who were saying OP is justifying paedophilia and were desperate to show they think paedophilia is bad. When everyone on here already agrees that child abuse is depraved.

I don't think i'm the one who is 'holier than thou' when people have been saying to the OP ' i'm not usually violent but you're lucky you're anonymous behind a computer' or 'are you a fucking nut box' or 'you want paedophiles to have the right to perv on babies'. That's grandstanding behaviour, not mine.

Do you really think the people I quoted above read the article?

WTF is going on with mjmsnet? we had a love in for misunderstood terrorists last week, now this one, will we have a "lets feel sorry for rapists" thread tomorrow?

and tbh im fucking wary of a pedophile setting up a 'support' network.......great way of collecting contact info from like minded twats, hiding in plain sight and all that....

i was abused, i will never have the ability to understsnd or share the feelings of these monsters

A lot of people commented. Very few of them made the comments you mention. But you made a general comment which would be interpreted as including all who didn't agree with the OP. Like me, and others who have repeatedly explained the problem we have with her view as expressed.

Sorry if I post wasn't clear. I have no problem with people who disagree with OP. I also disagree that 'sexual orientation' is the right phrase to describe paedophiliac urges.

This seems a bit pointless as we appear to agree on the content of the article anyway.

Fair enough tofutti.

I think there is help out there for them IF they actually admit that they have done the deed in the first place...what of the offenders that don't ?

I've not read the article linked to in the op, just responding to some of the replies.

Firstly, please can people stop saying that being abused can cause people to become abusers. As far as I am aware there is no evidence for this, except in the case of child on child sexual abuse. Repeating it can be upsetting for survivors. It's certainly upset me in the past.

Secondly, people should have help for any unwanted and distressing compulsions and/or intrusive thoughts they have regardless of the nature.

Thirdly, treatment/support for paedophiles should be evidence based and funded regardless of the reaction of the Daily Mail and other tabloids. The evidence is, for example, that befriending schemes reduce reoffending by reducing social isolation. If that keeps children safe let's do it and stop listening to the mock outrage of the media.

And lastly services for those who have been abused need more funding now. I had to wait over 6 months for counselling when I was finally ready to have it. The wait is longer now. And it's not just services directly aimed at survivors, it's also mental health, substance misuse, eating disorders, self harm, all the related services that we may need to access, many of which have had their funding cut.

Tofutti. You quoted me. Let me be clear- of course I read the article.

To the empathisers- assuming you have children- this being MUMSNET- I also assume you would be perfectly happy having a non offending pedophile living next door to you??

Getting himself off behind the fence of your kids in the paddling pool? Would you find that acceptable? Poor old Jonny pedo- he can't help it darling come away from the fence, he was born like it.

Thought crimes are a tricky area- how can someone's mind be policed? Well, Internet for a start, what you view (I'm thinking along terrorism/pedophile ring policing) things you buy, books you read, there are methods of profiling people, intelligence can be gathered by authorities. Even if the person has never committed a physical crime.

There's a really weird sort of double standard underlying so many comments.

Paedophile: I enjoy thinking about children being raped, it gives me pleasure. But I wouldn't do it!

Response: Oh you can't help it. I feel sorry for you. You need help and support.

Grown-up previous victim (or any other concerned human being): Thinking about hurting paedophiles gives me grim satisfaction. Wouldn't actually do it of course.

Response: Awful human being! How could you? Where is the compassion?

I mean, I'm being slightly flippant and sarcastic about it (because this thread is so damned heavy it keeps weighing on my heart/mind), but really I think this is one of the things that is triggering feelings of despair/injustice.

Someone who would take sexual delight from what happens to abused children (whether done by them or not) can't then be shocked and sorry for themselves when many of those same children grow up with massive feelings of hatred and disgust toward them. It's very hard to feel compassion for someone who feels no compassion for your frightened/pained child-self.

And the second time I've quoted keepItDown on this thread!

This:

"It's very hard to feel compassion for someone who feels no compassion for your frightened/pained child-self."

Misc

"To the empathisers- assuming you have children- this being MUMSNET- I also assume you would be perfectly happy having a non offending pedophile living next door to you??"

For all I know I do.