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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To turn your attention to this article **Trigger warning: Child abuse. Title edited by MNHQ**

503 replies

NedStarksHead · 03/08/2016 11:55

After a long and stressful debate/argument on FB, I'd like to turn your attention to these articles....

If you're one of the people who say "murder them all, they're all scum, they should be shot" then just read these and re-think.

Use different wording. A child molester is so different to a pedophile.

http://www.salon.com/2015/09/21/imaapedophilebuttnotaa_monster/

http://www.virped.org

OP posts:
PageStillNotFound404 · 04/08/2016 13:01

Strictly speaking and to be an absolute pedant about it, the "barely legal" teen porn sites aren't appealing to true paedophiles, because paedophilia is the attraction to pre-pubescent children. But I take your general point about the hypocrisy of a society that screams "paedo!" at the slightest provocation on one level, and peddles hardcore porn featuring 18-but-look-much-younger women in school uniforms on another.

StrawberryMummy90 · 04/08/2016 13:06

Page

That's why I said in an ideal world, I have no clue what therapy is available for pedophiles but there should be some sort of rehabilitation center for them. But they should NOT be around children.

"As soon as someone opens their mouth to say "I don't want to think like this, help me" the flaming torches are lit and the pitchforks sharpened"

I doubt a therapist would react in such a way and put their livelihood on the line but ok...Hmm
Obviously if you ask mums or general public who aren't trained to deal with pedophiles you're probably not going to get the best reaction but you wouldn't be going to a random for professional help.

Again, I don't want to "chop their balls off" I want them never to be around children, it's not a risk I think anyone should be ok with, and when they seek help I would like the police to be informed so they can keep an eye on them. What is so wrong with that?

HeddaLettuce · 04/08/2016 13:16

Actually Hedda you said most people who are celibate. At least quote yourself correctly

I did. I said I would imagine that most people who live celibate lives do so because they want to which covers those without sexual desire AND those with it but choose celibacy anyway.
Please don't criticise when you have misunderstood

RepentAtLeisure · 04/08/2016 13:20

I hate that they nearly always mention homosexuals in their arguments, as if there is any comparison to two adults falling in love, and a sicko lusting after children.

I notice he used the old line "At times I’ve wondered why I’ve even bothered to stay legal." Legal meaning refraining from raping children.

It's horrifying that these horrors are having children. He openly says that he'd be happy to leave any future children with one of several friends from his paedo support group, and that many of them have children. It makes my stomach heave.

The one positive in this is that he admits it's a psychological problem. He sexually fixated on another child shortly after being sexually abused. He needs intense counselling, not paedo internet boards.

StrawberryMummy90 · 04/08/2016 13:20

But if you start imprisoning people for their thoughts, you're nothing but a facist. You can't control what people THINK about.

Rehabilitation centers is where you get help I'm not suggesting you lock them up and forget they exist. If they are that mortified and depressed by their thoughts they should be more than willing to seek help. But staying in society around children is wrong.

Obviously can't control what people think about, anyone could be walking around with messed up thoughts but those that are ashamed and vocal about them pose a very real risk to children and should be kept away.

If not wanting babies and children to be abused or masturbated over makes me a fascist, I'll happily wear that title.

HeddaLettuce · 04/08/2016 13:23

If not wanting babies and children to be abused or masturbated over makes me a fascist, I'll happily wear that title

No, wanting to lock people up when they haven't done anything but think is what makes you a facist.
As I said, we don't imprison people for their thoughts. If they haven't acted, you can't keep them out of society.

Rinoachicken · 04/08/2016 13:36

Actually, where people are deemed to be risk to others through severe mental illness, they ARE detained / removed from society.

We dress it up as being sectioned etc but the end result is the same. You are removing someone from society who is deemed to be a risk to society even though they have not yet committed a crime.

HeddaLettuce · 04/08/2016 13:38

Actually, where people are deemed to be risk to others through severe mental illness, they ARE detained / removed from society

Generally only when they have already done something to cause the suspicion of being a real risk to society. It's not usual to detain someone before the fact in a first instance.

And if you do, its for their own treatment and to help them, not to detain them for the things they thought about.

StrawberryMummy90 · 04/08/2016 13:41

Hedda

Please read properly before wasting time and replying.

I don't think they should be imprisoned indefinitely, put in rehab/specialist psychiatric ward, YES. To get HELP

Why can't you understand something so simple? You rather them walk around freely and be a risk to babies? Absolutely disgusting.

lilmisslibrarian · 04/08/2016 13:41

Delurking to say that I've reported this thread, it is massively triggering and upsetting to read especially on a site like Mumsnet.
I get you wanted a frank open discussion OP about this topic but maybe you should consider where you post it next time.

Rinoachicken · 04/08/2016 13:41

Having been detained myself I can assure you that it is all too usual to detain someone before they have acted.

And since the man in this article is supposedly looking for treatment and help, what is the difference?

Rinoachicken · 04/08/2016 13:44

And if professing yourself to have strong sexual desires towards children isn't enough to cause suspicion then I despair at the world

BertrandRussell · 04/08/2016 13:45

I see no reason for deleting the thread. What good will come of sweeping the issue under the carpet?

StrawberryMummy90 · 04/08/2016 13:46

Hedda

I seriously hope you are a troll. You're thoughts on this are vile. So if a pedophile admits he wants to have sex with babies, you think it's fine for him to be around children because he hasn't actually Done anything yet.

Oh but when he does abuse a child then lock him up, you know, when the child's life is already ruined.

seventimes · 04/08/2016 13:46

Oh for Christ's sake it is not a sexual orientation and they are not born this way.

OP and anyone genuinely interested in understanding rather than throwing unqualified opinions around that are supported by no research I've ever read, I strongly suggest you read the following book, I highly recommend it and some of it is free to read online:

Theories of Sexual Offending, by Ward, Polaschek and Beech, 2006.

http://samples.sainsburysebooks.co.uk/9780470032886samplee_387440.pdf

OreosAreTasty · 04/08/2016 13:53

I'll consider supporting their right to support when we can adequately support the kids who've had their lives destroyed by paedophiles molesters and rapists. The same kids that are failed daily by our failing NHS. I was one of them and it's only gotten worse as the years have gone by...

LokisUnderpants · 04/08/2016 13:54

This thread is awful. The amount of torches and pitchforks ffs.

it seems as though you would like the public to be more "understanding" of their "sexual orientation" and have it as accepted as being gay or straight

This by far is the most ridiculous comment I've seen. Nobody is arguing that abusing kids should be tolerated HOWEVER having the thoughts and not acting on them and asking for help should be supported.

You all clutch pearls when you see news reports of gangs stoning people to death over "rumored indiscretions" in some far flung place in the world but you're all just as bad as that. GRAB THE TORCHES AND PITCHFORKS

Rinoachicken · 04/08/2016 13:55

Oreos Flowers

I agree with you and for the same reason

HeddaLettuce · 04/08/2016 13:55

I seriously hope you are a troll. You're thoughts on this are vile. So if a pedophile admits he wants to have sex with babies, you think it's fine for him to be around children because he hasn't actually Done anything yet

Of course I'm not a troll. Stating that we don't imprison people for their thoughts is not a controversial opinion, its normal. It's how society actually works.
I might admit I want to murder Donald Trump. You can't put me in prison for it. No, its not the same thing but it boils down to the fact: we do not lock people up for their THOUGHTS.

If you are seriously advocating that we do introduce the thought police and lock up people who have not done anything, I suggest YOU are the troll.

HeddaLettuce · 04/08/2016 13:57

I'll consider supporting their right to support when we can adequately support the kids who've had their lives destroyed by paedophiles molesters and rapists

If we thought more about support we might well have LESS of those people who have had their lives destroyed.
That being the objective here.

Rinoachicken · 04/08/2016 13:59

I've already explained that actually yes, we DO lock people away on secure psychiatric units for their thoughts.

That is what they are FOR. Some things cannot be treated, some people will never be safe for release.

HeddaLettuce · 04/08/2016 14:04

No, we really don't, that is a ridiculous intepretation of the process, and an offensive use of mental illness as a weapon in a discussion. Shame on you for saying that.

StrawberryMummy90 · 04/08/2016 14:04

Hedda

You are too dense to conversate with. Even after putting it in bold you still couldn't understand something so simple. Rehab is not prison, it is where people go if they want help.

Rinoachicken · 04/08/2016 14:08

Er no, what do you think Broadmoor is for?

HeddaLettuce · 04/08/2016 14:09

There is NO rehab for people with peodophile THOUGHTS but who have committed no actions.

You're advocating the incarceration of people you can't identify in facilities that don't exist and you are calling me dense?
I'd laugh if it wasn't so sad.